Anxiety and Guilt

[Ayebee]

Hey all,

I just recently found this site and thought I'd throw some anxiety based questions out there, never hurt right? :happy:
I've got a curious question when it comes to anxiety, and it all boils down to guilt that likes to sneak in with anxiety. It could be over the smallest or most petty things like what I said, what I didn't say, what someone else said/did/didn't say, someone's tone they used while speaking, etc. It creeps up out of nowhere and makes it's own nest inside of anxiety itself, and then it makes you feel terrible on the inside, almost to the point of self-loathing. Having lowered self esteem doesn't help the case either. Oh, I'm also not on medication and don't intend to be to help with this sort of anxiety.

I'll also put on here too that I come from a family where one side was really dysfunctional, guilt-trippy, and overall very toxic to be around. A family member from that side has PTSD from exposure to that family for so long, and I happen to live with them and have for a long time. They shift blame, blame in general, guilt for stupid things, and have outburst-like episodes at least once a month or more. So things for them and myself have been sort of ingrained in our brains, and ultimately passed onto me.There isn't a way for me to get out of said situation.

Has anyone dealt with guilt and anxiety mixed together before? Is there anything that could help something like this, or turn that sort of thinking around? Or anything else you've thought that helped a situation like that? Any input is always appreciated! Thank you for reading! :flowers:

[Oosh]

Are you saying you live with someone who, because of their past, is always wrongly directing blame and guilt at you and it's adding to your anxiety and lowering your self esteem ?

[Ayebee]

Hi Oosh,

Yes, I would say that's a pretty accurate summary there. Sorry, I'm not very good at explaining things

[Oosh]

Yeh my dad used to be like that. It's not a healthy situation to be in.

Do you feel able to stand up for yourself and change the situation ? I think it's better if you don't have that kind of negativity around you. Like you say, you're already anxious you don't need that weighing on you too.

[hanshan]

Hi Ayebee,

The good thing is that you understand the dynamics of the situation, which help you to rise above it. There is a small chance that you can get the family member to understand what they are doing and change their ways, but it is small - most people like that don't want to change.

Ultimately, I think the best solution is to move out, even if you say that it is not possible. But more strength to you in dealing with it, and don't accept guilt from the other person (negative strokes or tokens in transactional psychology).

[Ayebee]

Oosh:
So sorry to hear you had to deal with a similar situation as well. It really isn't healthy and can be very emotionally draining on top of it. I totally agree with you too on your one point, the negativity is just very toxic to be around and not needed for anyone really. :\

I've tried to stand up for myself a handful of times in the past, but I'm treated more like a child than I am an adult so I get shut down or talked over quite easily. It can be very frustrating but I'm trying to get more of my own word out there, finding the roar instead of a whisper...it's just not as easy task.

hanshan:
Hi there~
I've been trying to understand what had been going on with myself and this family member for a long time, so I'm glad it worked out somehow, thank you! I understand that the chances of change are slim to none, especially in people who are headstrong, but I suppose there's a shred of hope I'm still holding onto. A part of me wants things to try and work out, even though it might be difficult to achieve. I honestly hope I'm going to be able to overcome and rise above in time.

I agree with you in that the best solution would be to move out, it's just a very complicated time frame at the moment. It's a bit of a double-edged sword. I will keep it on the back burner for sure for the future, and will try to work towards it in time. It is something I'd like to do without a doubt, I just have to work a little more to be able to get there. Again thank you very much though. It's sort of a strength that's built up over the years I suppose. I am going to try my hardest to not let that sort of guilt get to me or overcome me. It won't happen overnight but I'm definitely going to try. Looking up the negative strokes/tokens mentioned in your reply could also be a good place to start, never hurt to put more knowledge under your belt.

Also thank you both very much for your replies. They give a sort of peace of mind and brings the perspective back. I'm not always sure my replies do any justice back, but it's still something. Even if it's something small like responding to a forum post, it really does mean a lot!