Severe Health Anxiety - Please Help!

[Booboo111]

After lurking this site for almost a year, I finally decided to sign-up and wrote a post to get some help, feedback and - what every person with HA wants - reassurance.

I'm a 29 yo female who never had anxiety until my daughter was born in 2013. Since then I've had severe - and I mean horrific - health anxiety. I've been convinced that I've had skin cancer (family history of basal cell, all removed and cured), breast and ovarian cancer (obgyn exam, pelvic ultrasound, all clear), MND (EMG this March - worst medical test ever! Very painful. All clear) blood clots (ultrasound of legs and arm veins, all clear), stomach cancer (abdominal CT scan, all clear), tonsil/throat cancer (seen ENT twice, had scope down nose and into throat - all clear!) lung cancer (x-Ray, all clear) ..... Wow now that I'm typing this out I'm feeling a little stupid at all my fears that have all been proved WRONG!!!

So I started going to CBT this past winter and I still go once a week. My Faith has also helped me immensely and is something that I know keeps me going and that I'd be lost without. But I had to be on painkillers for the last 6 months on and off for my tailbone (which I broke giving birth and still bothers me from time to time) and I just stopped taking those, so I know that's part of what's bringing it back, because it messed up my natural endorphins, but this week I noticed a snall lump (lymph node) on the right side of my neck, right in the middle. It's soft and maybe the size of a pea, but if I'm honest probably a little smaller... its tender, though I've been poking and rubbing it way too much so maybe I've made it worse?!? Neck muscles achy and sore - but maybe from tension?! I'm convinced the right side of my neck is bigger/swollen and my husband says it's not. I called the ENT and the nurse spoke to the dr and she said it didn't sound like anything worrisome and that I didn't need to come in. And being rational, which is so damn hard, if I did, I can guarantee she'd feel it and say that's nothing, have a nice day! But I can't stop obsessing over my gosh darn neck!!!! Lymph nodes are a big thing for me because it's one of the first things I ever googled and I remember one article I read... I'm sure you all can relate!! And I do have a tooth that had a deep filling over a year ago that's been bothering me a little and its on that right side of my neck, so if j didn't have HA and was a normal person, I'd probably attribute to that! Or actually, I wouldn't even know the tony lump was there because I wouldn't be feeling my neck all the darn time!!!

So as you can see, by this long, rambling of this post and most of my backstory, I have severe health anxiety and it's making my miserable and crazy. I just eBay to be able to truly live in the moment with my beautiful daughter and enjoy life! It's crazy when I start actually thinking about the time I'm wasting.... But like this stupid, tiny lump in my neck, is stealing all my time and energy! I wood appreciate any advice, input or encouragement you might be willing to give!
About HA in general, or about the little lump on my neck! If you read this far, thank you so much for taking the time. Peace and love to you all! :noangel:

[Hypo84]

CBT should be helpful in the long run. Also, meds would probably help you. Can your cbt therwpist prescribe you antidepressant?

[BlueEyesShining]

All I can tell you is that HA is a liar. It will make you believe in things that are not rational and even possible.
I have some lumps on my neck too but I have them for over 10 years, and I haven`t been to the doctor for that. I reassure myself that it`s nothing because 10 years is a long time and some other symptom would appear.
I have almost forgotten about the lumps in my neck, but I have A TON of other fears, and each day i fear an other illness. My main fears are cancer, appendicitis and sepsis. It`s not a way to live... Please try to focus on some other things that otherwise you enjoy. I try to exercise every day for half an hour. After that I always feel better. Even some light exercises will make you feel good, i promise!
And the most important thing is to stop googling. Many times i`ve thought "that`s it, I`m dying" after reading articles about health issues. So everytime you want to google your symptoms, come on this forum instead.
And try not to spend too much time alone. Your panic tends to be sky high then. Talk about how you are feeling with a trusted friend, or just write here. Stay strong.

[sial72]

Hi there and welcome
My story is very similar to yours. I had had anxiety in the past but never health anxiety until my daughter was born, funny, my tailbone broke when I gave birth too!!
Anyway I have noticed that HA happens quite a bit after having a baby, I believe that we want to be there sooo much for our children that we become really afraid that something might happen to us.
I now have I real health problem and I am sooo anoyed at myself for all the time I lost when I was perfectly healthy.
In the end what I was doing to help with my health anxiety was give myself a couple of weeks and if the symptom hadn't disappeared I would then go to the doc...well, let me tell you I didn't go to the doc very too much as more often than not it would just miraculously disappear. And NO GOOGLING. Only come here xxx

[Booboo111]

Thank you so much for your responses! I forgot to mention that I do take klonopin .5 as needed, and I try very hard to only take it when I'm almost not functioning because of the panic. I also forgot to mention that I just had 100% clean blood work 2.5 weeks ago (CBC and Comprehensive Metabolic Panel for liver and kidneys) so I should be listening to my rational voice instead of the crazy anxiety one!!! I'm working hard though, harder than anyone knows because to me, anxiety is such a personal, invisible battle to most people. My husband is irritated with me because I swear the right side of my neck (near the very snall lymph node) is swollen or bigger than the left, but he looks at it and feels it and says it's absutely normal, but he has no idea the battle I'm fighting in my head to chose the right thoughts, the positive ones and not the negative. It's truly exhausting.

Thank you again for taking the time to read and respond. It means a lot, even though we are all compete strangers :blush: