Dealing with beautiful memories

[BlueEyesShining]

They seem to be so hard to deal with. It`s hard for me to remember how happy i was two years ago and then all those bad things happened. I feel like i would do anything to go back where i was. My feelings have not changed, i still feel the same as then, and that hurts the most. Whenever i think of that times i feel happy and sad at the same time, and it`s driving me crazy.

Even when i know that more beautifil days are about to come, i`m afraid i`ll die before that, or i`ll get so sick. It feels like whatever i do, these fears are always on my mind.

[flisco]

I have exactly the same feelings- I used to be so confident and carefree, used to travel alone, and organised big projects with loads of responsibilities- which I loved. Now I'm frightened of everything, travelling alone, I can't concentrate, I'm even scared to leave the city where I live in case I get lost, I feel like my life is over and I'm only 35!

I totally emphasise with you-perhaps there will be happy days for both of us in the future- that's the best thing we can both hope for. The worst of times has to pass- and be replaced with something better.

[BlueEyesShining]

Sometimes i think that i deserved this-because i was so happy back then. And now life makes me "pay" and suffer for all that beautiful days.

[flisco]

That's not true, that's magical thinking! No one has to pay for being happy- I (try) to think of it more like a pendulum, swinging from good to bad and back. And like a pendulum it must return to the good times.

You dont deserve this- no one does. Try to remember how happy you were, perhaps we can both be as happy as we were in the past. Even though it might not feel like it now.

[BlueEyesShining]

Thank you for your advice!
But i keep reminding myself of the happy times, cause i can`t deal with the present right now so it`s somehow better to live "there", when everything was perfect.
I`m extremely emotional these days and it sucks that I`m alone, all my friends are on vacation and i really have no one to talk to. I`m at home and it makes me even more sad to have to stay alone the whole day.