HA is ruining my life and I cant cope

[lottie59]

hey I've been lurking hear for a while and I have posted maybe twice about my HA.

I like many others have irrational fear of the big C (I have "had" colon cancer, breast cancer, lukimea and cervical cancer) and I thought I had it under control! obviously not as although my anxiety symptoms lessened I still was checking my body everyday and examining the tiniest of details letting all the fears goes through my head until yesterday!

Yesterday I felt as though I was back at day 1, yesterday I was convinced that I found a patch of skin cancer on my neck (it may be, it may be not- im seeing my GP on Thursday so Ill get her to look) With the fear came the dreaded reactions- I spent all day sobbing and panicking, I couldn't breathe, I felt low, I closed all curtains in my house and hid away convinced that I wouldn't wake up this morning. last night in bed I suffered the sleepless night and finally when fell asleep I woke drenched in cold sweat!

I am taking 50mg of sertraline and my appointment with the gp on Thursday is about starting therapy/cbt which I am trying to stay positive about but I cant help fearing that I will never get out of this dark hole- I don't even know how I fell in it to begin with? why me? what did I do to feel like this? it is truly ruining my life, the fear of dying and getting ill by Cancer has taken over my life and I don't know how I can ever get better?

I must stress that I am currently waiting for an appointment for colonoscopy as my sister is currently fighting stage 3 colon cancer but actually my fear of that is no where near as deepened as the fear that I currently think I have skin cancer.

I don't want negatives hear, I just want experience as to why we fall into this anxiety pit and how we climb out of it successfully because wright now im struggling to see light

Thanks:blush:

[nayia]

Hi, Im sorry about your sister and I think this is making you feel more scared than before.
I would never judge you as I have exactly the same health anxieties as you and I get to a very dark place.
My current worry is because I have had a smear test, on the Friday and I am so scared of the results I cannot stop googling anything and everything about it.
I never used to care about this test but for some reason this time I feel more terrified. Now I think I have cervical cancer.
I haven't been sexually active for over 3 years and when I was sexually active (I have only had two sexual partners and I was a late starter) all my tests came back normal.
However, I have now got it into my head that I am seriously ill and this is exasperated my IBS (two years of it, sensitive stomach) and sudden lower back pain.
So, see, you way of thinking is the 'normal' for health anxieties.
We have to support each other on here because it is a terrible feeling and fear.
Thanks, Nayia

[lottie59]

thank you for responding nayia, I am sorry you are worried about your smear result. I too have to have a smear test soon.. in fact I have been putting this off for the last two years so I really need to get the determination to do it.

Do you know what triggered your anxiety? have you had any help with coping with this?
xx

[MandiMoo]

Lottie59,

I can completely understand what you are going through. I have been suffering with Bi-Polar, general and health anxiety since I was in my teens (no in my 40's). I particularly struggle with change and any panic and anxiety makes the Bi-polar spark. I have also had IBS (I think since I was a child) but diagnosed 10 years ago. I think all my anxiety and mood issues have come from my childhood. I was always a shy, sensitive and easily upset child, always had a tummy ache. My Mum (a lovely woman) also had anxiety issues and I think that that has also affected the way that I deal with things. I have had CBT (especially for catastropising things). I had things under control until work got stressful last year and spiked a mood swing and anxiety, this then trigger HA. I am also on 50mg Sertraline a day and 100mgs of Lamogrogine (for the Bi Polar). I am is a spin of HA at the moment (having tummy issues that I have turned into pancreatic/stomach and liver cancer). I am also on a proton pump for acid reflux all my tests done so far are all normal, but I still need some other tests to be sure. A few years ago I didn't have HA (no Dr Google or Web Doc or other social media) and I lost my Mum early (she was 51) from heart disease and since then my health anxiety is worse. Once I have my tummy issues under control it really is time for me to really start to address the HA issues. As I get older I know that they will get worse, I am really tired and don't want to life my life full of so much worry about uncertainties in life, it always seems to be about things that I can't control.

I really hope that you feel better soon and please let me know if you want to talk more.

MandiMooxxx

[lottie59]

Hi Mandimoo

thank you for your response, I am sorry that you have so much going on and you are having to take all that medication.

I am trying really hard no to use google and I think that is helping massively.

I am going to see my GP tomorrow and hoping she will refer me for CBT. I actually practice CBT in daily life around people I work with or come into contact with but I cant seem to use it for my HA so Im hoping guidance will help. Do you feel that the sertraline helps you?

the last visit to the GP I explained that I had suffered bad side effects from the sertraline and at that point she said not to increase the dose but I feel that as I settle on them it may be time to increase as my body is adjusting to them.. my only worry is being hooked on them and never getting of off them.

How are you today ?

x