Friends wedding tomorrow

[SunnyB]

Hi I'm new here just registered but I have searched these forums a lot in the past.
I have a friends wedding tomorrow. I'll be leaving early in the morning, staying overnight and back the following day. I'll be going with old work friends who I'm not particularly close to anymore.

I have been worrying over the past few weeks and now since yesterday I've been really worrying. And My stomach is doing horrible things.
I guess there is no one reason I am panicking - it's a combination. I'm not close to the big group I'm going with, some of them are closer friends and see each other regularly - I only really see them all on special occasions, I'm worried about being isolated, I'm worried as I'll be away from home and I'm not the driver so can't get home easily and I'm worried about having a panic attack.
I'm not usually too fussed about things like feeling left out etc and I'm a grown up and can't be bothered with all that, but because we are away from home and I can't just come home it's all making me anxious.
I havent had a panic attack in months and don't usually worry about having one as I think the more I worry then I will have one.

There's two ways this will go - I cancel, spend the day at home with a wasted wedding outfit, will miss seeing my friend get married but will also feel relieved.
Or I'll go not knowing how the day will go - the right thing to do but it's scary :weep:

I can't confide in any of them they don't know about my anxiety. And I don't want to make it about me when it's my friends wedding day. I have been really up for the wedding and excited about it, I'm all set to go.
I really don't want to go just so The anxiety goes. It's terrible isn't it, I know I shouldn't give in.

[catsandnaps]

I do similar things that you're talking about. I commit to going somewhere, spend weeks worrying about it, and, sadly, I end up canceling. Or that was my old pattern. Now, here's my new plan: I cannot back out of plans out of fear alone. I have to go and be present. I may not enjoy every moment, but I have to remain present, and I cannot leave someplace where I'm fearful until my fears have passed. I use this for stuff like going to the grocery or meeting a friend for dinner, but maybe this can help you, too.
I know it's easy for me to type this on a computer when I don't even know you, but I really hope you go. This could be an opportunity for you to break through some of that anxiety. I'm sending good vibes your way!!! Let us know how it goes!!:hugs:

[SunnyB]

Thank you both so much for your replies, I hope you know how much it helps coming from people who understand how I am feeling! Thank you. You're right, I'm panicking over fear itself, I'm going to try my very best. Super scared!
Haven't even eaten since 11am I'm not even hungry though.

[sial72]

That is great advice from Catsandnaps!! It is the way forward...enjoy it! Xxx

[Superworrier]

Hey Hun I can really Relate to this because my friend is getting married in a couple of weeks.
I am the matron of honour and I am terrified my anxiety has been on another level .
I guess the thought of not seeing her get married is the only thing keeping me going.

Myself and the bride have been through so many heart breaks and she knows about my Anxiety and has worked with me to make it stress free where posiible .

I am thinking hour by hour minute by minute ti get me through the day.

[Pepperpot]

Awww bless. I'm getting married in a couple of weeks and this must be the reason why I started taking panic attacks (or so the doc and everyone else tells me). I don't feel too nervous but my body says otherwise.

You will be fine. You have to tell yourself this. What is the worst that could happen? Even if you did have a panic attack (which im sure you won't; you're just worrying about the "what ifs" that won't happen) then someone will no doubt get mortal drunk and steal your limelight anyway ;)

Hehe joking aside I think you should be proud of yourself for going. :)

And superworrier, I hope you have a lovely day at your friends wedding :)

[SunnyB]

thank you so so much for the advice. I was reading it this morning as I was getting ready. I was all packed, make up on, ready to go but I couldn't get myself out the door. And my makeup was really good today :angry: I had everything sorted when I'm usually last minute panicking. And my hair was good! I made sure everything was sorted so I was calm. I'm sat at home now looking super glam with no where to go :doh:
I feel like a coward and that I've let everyone down but I guess this was a big thing for me and I got so far but I couldn't do it. It's weird feeling so excited but at the same time the anxiety made me feel so sick and ruined it. I had the feeling of not being able to "escape" whenever I wanted, and not being able to come home whenever I wanted cos it's too far away. If it was with different people it would be different I'm not going to lie!
Was actually really looking forward to staying over somewhere nice, looking forward to a nice day celebrating their marriage but it's the inbetween bit after the meal up till the end that was one thing I was panicking about. And tomorrow. I just do don't do too well in social situations anyway (unless everyone I'm with knows me really well). It's hard to explain. In general I don't care if I'm by myself or if people don't like me or if I'm with people who I don't know as well, I find a way to make it work. But in this case I was just thinking no I don't want to feel like that today, I mean yeah I might not of felt that way but previously I have with them. Lots of "what ifs" :lac: is that kind of selfish too when it's my friends wedding day, ugh.
I know that I should of gone because who knows what would of happened. I would most probably of been fine and had the greatest time.
I feel exhausted now, all that worry really takes a toll doesn't it and it's not till after when you feel back to normal that you can tell. I was really tense. My mum is great she doesn't make me feel bad, I'm the one who makes myself feel bad. My partner doesn't completely get it and thinks I'm silly for not going but the only way is onwards and upwards now so I'm trying not to dwell on it, it's done now.
Aw superworrier I hope you really enjoy the day at your friends wedding, that is great that she is understanding and helping you where she can to make things not so stressy for you. Let us know how it goes! I am due to be a maid of honour sometime in the next few years so any tips would be appreciated :D
And thanks pepperpot, even though I didn't go :unsure: I take in all your advice though, it all helps! Have a wonderful wedding day I'm sure it will be a perfect day!

[Pepperpot]

Awwww I'm sorry to hear you ended up not going. Don't dwell on it though, put it behind you and move on. You haven't let anyone down. X

[catsandnaps]

I share your frustration with a perfect hair and makeup day and not leaving the house. Perfect eyeliner and an anxiety attack is my bane. :weep:
You said something that I relate to... "I'm the one who makes myself feel bad." No one is as hard on myself as I am! It's a struggle to remember to be gentle on myself, and bullying myself with my critical thoughts only makes it worse. In the broad spectrum of your life, not going to a wedding is a minor thing. Get some rest and positive thinking going on, and be good to yourself. Thank you for sharing your experience!!

[SunnyB]

I felt ok this morning but kept thinking about it more throughout the day. My stomach still isn't back to normal and still feel really sick like "sick with worry" sick. I messaged my friend who got married to apologise and she didn't reply but I know she was busy getting ready when I messaged her and I didn't expect a message back, and I messaged the other girls today just general chit chat in our group chat about their photos from the wedding and no reply to me personally so obviously now I'm paranoid they think I'm a dick. Why do I do this to myself. i just really really wish that I could have gone to the wedding and come home in the evening when I wanted to but it wasn't possible. I really didn't want to stay there.
There is a few people who know I have problems with anxiety sometimes but I hate when I think they're feeling sorry for me, and I don't want them to "baby" me or think that I'm weak. Kind of how it feels when you feel like you're being judged but I know they're not judging me in that way, I know they don't think I'm stupid or silly. You know when someone looks at you like "aw, oh dear" like I'm a lost puppy who is all pathetic. I just want to forget about it after something like this happens and move on and not discuss it. Same when I have a panic attack, during I want to be left alone and not hugged or touched and afterwards I'll probably be happy talking about it for a few minutes then just want to forget it ever happened. Here is good to have a ramble though!