Unable to live away while at university because of mental health?

[Stuckman]

I just wanted to post this in hope others could relate to this ongoing Catch 22 I'm experiencing, and give me their opinion on what's best. I'll try to keep it short as I can.

I'm 19, a student about to enter my second year at university, and I have support in place for me to get taxis to there (my campus isn't far from my hometown) and I still live with my family.
The reason why I'm not living away studying there is simply because of my mental health, and fear of crime in the city. I have mild autism, anxiety and OCD and lead a very obsessive lifestyle, and as much as I'm comfortable with travelling there and back knowing I'll be home at the end of the day, I can't help feeling really self conscious about my choice to live at home instead of living away, and I feel very isolated and stuck not knowing what's best for me.

I tried living away during the first year in the city centre which was scary enough for me as I've lived in a small town all my life. I moved in with students from the university I didn't know and this didn't go well at all and really made my anxiety very high as they were coming back in the early hours leaving the front door open, really loud at night and they were heavy drug users and I only lasted about a week. This really affected my studies.
If I did it again I would be more careful choosing the people I lived with but I don't know if I could cope with issues of my mental health and obsessions and looking after myself (cooking, washing and diet) and what if it went badly again and lots of money wasted on rent?

People think I stay at home because I like living with my family but the catch is though I don't enjoy living at home anymore, and I just feel simply trapped.
It is a very stressful place now for too many reasons to list, and my anxieties and stresses increase with my family around, and I have little to no friends where I live. The only good reason me being at home is that I'm in my comfort zone (if you can call it comfort) and I can buy nice things related to my course, and isn't spent all on rent.

I keep feeling really bad how in university there's lots of potential people to meet, loads of societies to join and I'm choosing just to stay in a place I don't want to anymore. My parents keep saying if you don't like it here just move out but they don't understand and aren't really empathetic towards my mental health.
Part of me feels like I really want to be social and come out my shell, but I'm stuck in this comfort zone and worried about crime, the pressure of going out and everything else in university. I just want to meet more young people, but find it always goes wrong and I end up heading back home all the time, and feel like I'm stuck at home forever.

I just wanted to know whether having taxis to university was a mistake, that I should be out there meeting people and not being in this bubble I'm in. I hope someone can respond/relate and could help me.

Thanks :)

[.Poppy.]

I was in a similar place myself. I lived in the dorms my first year of school and hated it. I needed personal space, and there's none in that situation.

After that, I moved into a house with friends. I'd go home for the summers and come back for the school year. Every single year I'd spend the first three weeks depressed, trying to figure out how I could leave and move back home, etc. It was awful. But once I pushed through, it was much easier and I actually had a lot of fun.

I grew up on a farm, so it was really hard for me to live in town too. But it did get easier.

Now I live at home again because of financial reasons, and I commute to school, and I look forward to moving out again. I know it will be really hard, especially at first, but worth it in the end.

Maybe you could ask yourself what you really need from a living situation? For me, I needed my own room and a bathroom that wasn't totally communal (I shared with one other person). My roommates were partiers which was hard, but they were my friends which made it easier.

You may find that if you get into a home where you have your own space, and are either living with friends or with people who are more low-key, you'll enjoy it more. It sounds like you were in a really bad situation before. It will be a rough first month, that's for sure, but could you try to push through it and see what happens?

[Stuckman]

Thank you for your reply :) I can really understand what you've said and can really relate to it.

If I were to do it again I feel I could only live with one person who was respectful and low key, not a group like my last experience, though I don't know if my student loan would cover it as people usually go in groups due to split cost.
Its not that I don't want to enjoy a party experience, its just I would get worried I wouldn't be able to sleep as I'm sensitive to noise, and lots of other reasons.
I just don't want to do the wrong thing again. I'm really unhappy at home, though people I've talked to say not to force moving away on myself if I can't cope. But I could always try again and push through like you said.

I keep on experiencing this dilemma which has happened for too long, I wish it wasn't so hard for me compared to other people who go to university. Its driving my parents nuts all this. I know its a place for study and your future, but staying at home I feel really isolated and deprived of socialisation :(

[Oosh]

A lot of the breakthroughs I made came after I'd felt the fear and done it anyway. Like poppy says, it's rough, but you find your place and discover new things about yourself and improve. The whole thing changes you. You don't get those changes when you never ever face it.

But be realistic. Try to engineer it so it's going to be like you want it. If you just jump in, you may find yourself uncomfortable and isolated.

Lastly I think when you have a choice that hangs over you every day like that it's important to make the decision. That's the success, making the decision. It allows you to keep moving forward.

Who will you be comfortable being around realistically when you are there ? Try and engineer it so it's like that then feel the fear and do it anyway. Give it time. Give yourself time to adapt and change. If it's not for you, that's good, you gave it everything and now you know that in reality it didn't work. But the dilemma is no longer there and you can keep moving forward from there.

I think deep down you want it. But you are just scared. Try and make it work.