View Full Version : Dispairing thoughts/inability to be happy - retired party girl!
Hi again,
I wonder if anyone else feels the same as me. Every day I wake up in absolute despair of what the day will bring in terms of anxiety symptoms - chest pains, headaches, ectopic heartbeats, palpitations, irregular pulse, nausea, to name a few!! It's like I'm almost terrified to admit that I'm having a good day as I feel like karma will turn it around and say 'actually, stuff you, you thought things were going well so here's a nice batch of ectopic heart beats and shooting head pains' and then *bam* I'm sat in absolute fear of dropping dead of a heart attack/brain aneurism for the rest of the day.
I'm a 26 year old female, I used to absolutely love life, going out, partying, socialising, going on holiday and generally having a great time, and since all this anxiety started a few years ago I am a tired, mentally and physically exhausted, worn out, drained, terrified, paranoid mess that doesn't dare go anywhere too far from home without my partner or parents! It's so debilitating and I wish there was a way out, I often wonder what I've done in life to deserve this. It stops me from going for jobs I want, meeting new people, driving, visiting friends in other cities, going abroad, everything.
Does anyone else feel like this? I just want a way out :weep:
xx
Hello, I'm new to this site but you are not alone at all! In fact until reading your post I thought I was the only one!
I always feel the same when I'm having a good day, like something's going to flare up and ruin it all! I live in constant worry about what the next day will be like, what symptoms I will face etc.
I'm only 25 and don't do any of the things I used to enjoy, like going out and seeing friends, it is all very debilitating.
Something I try to do is to beak everything down into smaller thoughts, like not thinking about the bigger picture and what I can't do but taking each day as it comes and trying to do even small things as seeing them as an accomplishment. Might sound silly but I spend a lot of time upset at what I can't do rather than focusing on what I have and what I can manage.
I hope you find this site helpful and just wanted you to know your really now alone in what your going through!
Hi Bella,
thanks so much for your reply, that made me feel loads better! it's nice to know we're not alone! what sort of symptoms do you suffer with, are they similar to the ones I mentioned? do you talk to anyone about it? I don't really tell my family as I don't like worrying them and my friends aren't really interested, so I only really confide in my partner. it can feel so lonely, especially because most people think you're just a drama queen/hypochondriac because we don't really 'look' ill!
I completely agree in what you said about constantly feeling down about what you can't do instead of congratulating yourself on the things you've accomplished! I never look forward to anything anymore as I'm so worried of how my body will react, for example I've got a night out planned with all my old uni friends this weekend for my birthday but I'm more dreading it than excited, as I'm sure all my horrible heart-related symptoms will flare up and ruin things! at least we can rest assured in the knowledge that we're not alone! best wishes x
I can empathise with you- I suffer with anxiety too and get all the physical symptoms of dread- churning stomach, racing heart, I too fell like I used to be the life and soul of the party and now am a shadow of my former self. I feel liek aniety has robbed me of my life- I used to be such a carefree confident sort of gal!
I've been reading a claire weekes book which has really helped, and I've been finding the forum really useful and supportive. Have you spoken to your gp at all? it might be the first stop on the way to starting to get some relief.
hi flisco,
im glad you could empathise, it is so debilitating isn't it? I'm exactly the same, I used to be so outgoing and loved partying/going on holidays and now the thought of drinking or being in a foreign country fills me with absolute dread! what is the name of the book you're reading? I'd really like to get into a book that might help with anxiety. I find this forum absolutely amazing, its so nice to finally see people that are like me! ive seen a lot of gps for tests on my heart etc which were all clear and haven't had anything done for about a year or so, but I always got the feeling that they thought I was just a hypochondriac time-waster and that they were sort of laughing at me! I had a course of CBT with a lovely man but I don't think it benefited me in the long run as looking back I didn't really open up to him fully. how about you? have you ever had any therapy or tried any support groups or anything?
Hello White
debilitating is the word! I feel so limited, and in dark times
---------- Post added at 19:56 ---------- Previous post was at 19:43 ----------
Hello White (accidently posted to early!)
debilitating is the word! I feel so limited, and in dark times I feel like my life is over and I'm only 35- so many things I used to do, that I can't any more. Luckily my partner is super supportive otherwise I'd be lost!
The book I'm reading is called Essential Help for your Nerves- and is really good- it talks about the symptoms of anxiety in an easy to understand way and gives simple instructions for working through fears. Easier said than done but I've been finding it helpful, just her descriptions of what anxiety is and how it affects your nerves was reassuring- makes me feel less like a crazy person, more like someone who will/could get better.
Maybe go back to your gp and talk about the way that you feel? if you're honest about what's happening you might be able to access some counselling or medication- they won't laugh at you, so many people have anxiety- its a serious thing, and doctors are used to people with all sorts of symptoms showing up. And remember you can be choosy about your gp, if one isn't sympathetic try another untill you feel like you're being listened to. After all its your NHS too, you pay your taxes and deserve fair treatment.
I'm lucky (well not really) I see a NHS psychiatrist cos I have other mental health problems and she takes my anxiety seriously, I take an antipsychotic but no medication for the anxiety yet. I'm also in the process of getting some talking therapies as I think it might help, I'm also looking for a support group (apart from this one!) I'm determined to get better (on days where I feel strong like today) I want my old life back- where has that confident carefree gal gone? maybe I can reach her one day.
It's hard. I used to be very ambitious, now I just feel like what's the point because I'm probably going to die soon. Writing that out sounds hilarious/ridiculous even to me, but it's very real and horrible when you feel it every day. Time seems to be going so fast aswell, I really just feel like what's the point in even planning/working towards something with all this. I know this sounds like classic depression but I really don't feel depressed. Just mentally exhausted with worrying about my ****ing body.
For me this started about 9 months ago and since then my life has come to a complete stand still. When family/anyone tries to talk to me, I act like I'm fine because I don't want them to worry about me worrying, it's tiring. Like even if I'm freaking out about my heart and in a panic, I'll smile and try to speak normally until I can get away.
I wonder if we'll all ever feel normal again.
I think, for me personally I have to feel normal again, I'm determined (although mainly because I'm feeling strong today- tomorrow will probably be different) to get my life back. I'm sure we'll feel normal again. I believe it.
catsandnaps
14-08-15, 01:01
I hate when anxiety seems to take on the appearance of something evil that is out to get me, as if it will see me enjoying something or saying I feel good, and zap me with a hearty panic attack to keep me from feeling good. I struggle with the idea that I don't do anything wrong to deserve this, that it just happens.
And I'm exhausted, too. Anxiety has sucked out all of the goodness from my life. I hope it's true that growth comes out of pain, because I am ready for a change. Grateful to have posts like these that remind me I'm not alone!!
It's hard. I used to be very ambitious, now I just feel like what's the point because I'm probably going to die soon. Writing that out sounds hilarious/ridiculous even to me, but it's very real and horrible when you feel it every day. Time seems to be going so fast aswell, I really just feel like what's the point in even planning/working towards something with all this. I know this sounds like classic depression but I really don't feel depressed. Just mentally exhausted with worrying about my ****ing body.
For me this started about 9 months ago and since then my life has come to a complete stand still. When family/anyone tries to talk to me, I act like I'm fine because I don't want them to worry about me worrying, it's tiring. Like even if I'm freaking out about my heart and in a panic, I'll smile and try to speak normally until I can get away.
I wonder if we'll all ever feel normal again.
2Anxious, this post felt like I'd written it myself!! I am the exact same as you in the 'what is the point in making plans for next week/next year as i'll probably be dead by then'. it sounds ludicrous but its so true!! I'm so glad I'm not alone in thinking that! I too don't think I have depression as I do take pleasure in some things (at least try to) my partner and I go out and try to have nice evenings planned but it does have a detrimental effect on my mood and I usually spend most of the night out wishing it would hurry up and end so I can rush back to my 'safety place' of our home! I too try to cover it up all the time, only really open up to my partner about it as most of my so called 'friends' have never really been interested and have consequently disappeared off the radar as they think I don't want to do anything with them anymore. Health anxiety is absolutely exhausting - not a day goes by where I don't think I'm about to drop dead about 10-15 times, or read an article about someone with cancer and convince myself I could have it! I hope you all start to feel better soon, thank you for all your supportive comments x
---------- Post added at 11:47 ---------- Previous post was at 11:42 ----------
Hello White
debilitating is the word! I feel so limited, and in dark times
---------- Post added at 19:56 ---------- Previous post was at 19:43 ----------
Hello White (accidently posted to early!)
debilitating is the word! I feel so limited, and in dark times I feel like my life is over and I'm only 35- so many things I used to do, that I can't any more. Luckily my partner is super supportive otherwise I'd be lost!
The book I'm reading is called Essential Help for your Nerves- and is really good- it talks about the symptoms of anxiety in an easy to understand way and gives simple instructions for working through fears. Easier said than done but I've been finding it helpful, just her descriptions of what anxiety is and how it affects your nerves was reassuring- makes me feel less like a crazy person, more like someone who will/could get better.
Maybe go back to your gp and talk about the way that you feel? if you're honest about what's happening you might be able to access some counselling or medication- they won't laugh at you, so many people have anxiety- its a serious thing, and doctors are used to people with all sorts of symptoms showing up. And remember you can be choosy about your gp, if one isn't sympathetic try another untill you feel like you're being listened to. After all its your NHS too, you pay your taxes and deserve fair treatment.
I'm lucky (well not really) I see a NHS psychiatrist cos I have other mental health problems and she takes my anxiety seriously, I take an antipsychotic but no medication for the anxiety yet. I'm also in the process of getting some talking therapies as I think it might help, I'm also looking for a support group (apart from this one!) I'm determined to get better (on days where I feel strong like today) I want my old life back- where has that confident carefree gal gone? maybe I can reach her one day.
Hi flisco, thank you for your message, that book sounds like an interesting read, I will definitely look into getting hold of it. Thank you for your advise on visiting my GP, I think they've knocked my confidence so much from visiting a string of not so friendly doctors that now I feel like they pull up my details, read my notes (about 10 pages long probably) and think 'oh for god sake here we go again' before I've come into the room! do you know what I mean with that? I've just registered with a new surgery though now so I'm hoping ill feel more comfortable talking to the doctors there. I'm glad that you have been receiving such great support through the NHS, that gives me hope that I might be able to get the right support too. Fingers crossed the old gals inside us can one day find the confidence to reach out and let us have our lives back..even if it is when we're 50!!
---------- Post added at 11:49 ---------- Previous post was at 11:47 ----------
I hate when anxiety seems to take on the appearance of something evil that is out to get me, as if it will see me enjoying something or saying I feel good, and zap me with a hearty panic attack to keep me from feeling good. I struggle with the idea that I don't do anything wrong to deserve this, that it just happens.
And I'm exhausted, too. Anxiety has sucked out all of the goodness from my life. I hope it's true that growth comes out of pain, because I am ready for a change. Grateful to have posts like these that remind me I'm not alone!!
Hi Catsandsnaps, I totally agree that it seems there is a little element of 'karma' sniffing around in anxiety where someone is saying 'she deserves some horrible heart sensations, she's having too good a time today' and then *bam* the day is ruined!! it is very exhausting feeling like we do, but like you said, it gives me great comfort to know that theres people on this forum that feel the same as I do! I hope you start to feel better soon x
Its amazing that we all feel the same- even if we have different anxieties (mines travel based- I'm terrified of being lost, it has a huge impact on my life- I'm even scared at work in case I get lost in the huge building, I can't go abroad and I'm frightened of travelling by train in case I get lost ) and that we're all retired party/confident girls. We could really support each other!
Princess23
14-08-15, 21:18
It's hard. I used to be very ambitious, now I just feel like what's the point because I'm probably going to die soon. Writing that out sounds hilarious/ridiculous even to me, but it's very real and horrible when you feel it every day. Time seems to be going so fast aswell, I really just feel like what's the point in even planning/working towards something with all this. I know this sounds like classic depression but I really don't feel depressed. Just mentally exhausted with worrying about my ****ing body.
For me this started about 9 months ago and since then my life has come to a complete stand still. When family/anyone tries to talk to me, I act like I'm fine because I don't want them to worry about me worrying, it's tiring. Like even if I'm freaking out about my heart and in a panic, I'll smile and try to speak normally until I can get away.
I wonder if we'll all ever feel normal again.
I know what you mean I feel like I'm on borrowed time, and when I wake with a panic attack I'm like that's it... I don't bother telling my family or friends much anymore because when you say out loud your afraid your going to die it sounds ridiculous but that is how you feel.. I often look back and think where did that confident girl gone, anxiety just swallowed her up, I feel like I'm in quick sand and day by day I am gradually sinking! And when I do get a good day, maybe once a week, that night I will wake up with a panic attack and the vicious circle starts again xx
---------- Post added at 21:18 ---------- Previous post was at 21:04 ----------
I'd like to say to all the girls who replied on this thread if you all lived near I would of put on tea and cake ��, sounds like we are all alike!!! I come across so confident but inside is totally the opposite! I went to see an endocrinologist 3 weeks ago, told him I have really bad anxiety, in his letter to my dr he put she has slight anxiety!!! Really , then how comes going to a public toilet is a mission, scared of the lock not opening, scared of the power going off, that I can't go into a supermarket without thoughts checking my symptoms every sec and probably bringing them on myself, the fact that I get about 10 symptoms at least a day , every day , dread going anywhere local, have to ring my mum when in my car by myself or at 1.30 in the morning when I have woken up with a panic attack, the fact that I can't go into a hair salon to get my roots done as fear of having a dizzy spell or the walls closing in on me, that I can't go cinema without getting a panic attack and the list goes on and on, it's an anxiety prison as there is nothing I do which I don't check for example, having a bath, I will take the phone in there just I case something happens and I get so annoyed with myself because only me can sort it out.. Sorry girls if that seems a rant, wasn't meant to be but some people look at me and think confidence, but don't judge a book by its cover xxx
I know what you mean I feel like I'm on borrowed time, and when I wake with a panic attack I'm like that's it... I don't bother telling my family or friends much anymore because when you say out loud your afraid your going to die it sounds ridiculous but that is how you feel.. I often look back and think where did that confident girl gone, anxiety just swallowed her up, I feel like I'm in quick sand and day by day I am gradually sinking! And when I do get a good day, maybe once a week, that night I will wake up with a panic attack and the vicious circle starts again xx
We're going to have to just accept that it's anxiety, but atm I don't know how I will. It does definitely feel good to know you're not alone with these feelings, but at the same time I wouldn't wish them on anyone.
But yea, I've felt like I was over it a few times, for weeks even, then I feel one thing wrong and I'm back to square one wanting to go to A&E. It's ridiculous.
How old are you if you don't mind me asking?
Princess23
15-08-15, 00:09
I am 44 Hun x
fallingstar
15-08-15, 03:53
Truth is, anxiety is horrible and can really slow you down compared to your usual self, but a lot of us have our ups and downs with it - so hopefully you are coming back to one of your ups. I hope you can enjoy the things you used to in the near future again. And there's nothing wrong with taking someone along with you when you leave the house if you aren't okay on your own right now while being out.
I'm close in age to you. I'm a 29 year old and I have been dealing with this since I was 18 (diagnosed then - probably prior most definitely too). It really does put a damper on life in certain aspects and situations. When anxiety is almost all you can think about some days, it doesn't feel too great.
I've done very well in the last year, and pretty well in small monthly increments prior, but it seems like at the end of every few months or so, at some point it hits me again in full force... then will go away again. I'm in near full force recently with health anxiety. Otherwise, I'm ok with other things like social situations, work situations, etc. But as we all know if you're feeling crummy and worrying about your health it affects you no matter where you are or what you're doing usually. :weep:
The big things I seem to deal with very well. It's the smaller things health related that I can't. I can deal in social situations or at work even in complete melt down anxious state, fogged, but can do it. But, I can't handle the headaches - the muscle twitching in my face that comes and goes - the numbness, etc. It's anything that reminds me of a disease or death (anything health anxiety related) that sends me straight up a wall).
I've wasted hours of my life so far on worrying that I'm dying etc and I'm trying to tell myself constantly "don't worry - you're not!" I was even hospitalized recently and got a full line of blood work done and was ok - but yet I still worry.
I really think all of the symptoms are the scariest parts of panic attacks. I can deal with the fact that I have this disorder. I can't deal with the way it feels though.:lac:
Hey Princess and everyone else
I can so empathise with all the little things becoming mass traumas! I hear you about your worries about public toilets! I'm so scared of the lifts at work- in case I get shut on one of the disused floors and die! its the little things (and big things ) that scare me, I'm so anxious about getting lost that I dare not even visits another city, I'm scared of even getting lost at work! I work in a huge grade one listed building- it's H shaped and completely confusing.
The idea of a retired party girl tea and cake meet up sounds great- but virtual support is just as good! I can't believe there are so many of us with similar symptoms! its so good to hear about other peoples anxieties, makes me feel much less alone, thanks girls!
Princess23
16-08-15, 18:09
Truth is, anxiety is horrible and can really slow you down compared to your usual self, but a lot of us have our ups and downs with it - so hopefully you are coming back to one of your ups. I hope you can enjoy the things you used to in the near future again. And there's nothing wrong with taking someone along with you when you leave the house if you aren't okay on your own right now while being out.
I'm close in age to you. I'm a 29 year old and I have been dealing with this since I was 18 (diagnosed then - probably prior most definitely too). It really does put a damper on life in certain aspects and situations. When anxiety is almost all you can think about some days, it doesn't feel too great.
I've done very well in the last year, and pretty well in small monthly increments prior, but it seems like at the end of every few months or so, at some point it hits me again in full force... then will go away again. I'm in near full force recently with health anxiety. Otherwise, I'm ok with other things like social situations, work situations, etc. But as we all know if you're feeling crummy and worrying about your health it affects you no matter where you are or what you're doing usually. :weep:
The big things I seem to deal with very well. It's the smaller things health related that I can't. I can deal in social situations or at work even in complete melt down anxious state, fogged, but can do it. But, I can't handle the headaches - the muscle twitching in my face that comes and goes - the numbness, etc. It's anything that reminds me of a disease or death (anything health anxiety related) that sends me straight up a wall).
I've wasted hours of my life so far on worrying that I'm dying etc and I'm trying to tell myself constantly "don't worry - you're not!" I was even hospitalized recently and got a full line of blood work done and was ok - but yet I still worry.
I really think all of the symptoms are the scariest parts of panic attacks. I can deal with the fact that I have this disorder. I can't deal with the way it feels though.:lac:
Totally agree with you there regarding that you can deal with it but not the way it makes you feel, it just starts up the doubts in your head, suppose if I have a nervous system disease, what it blah blah and the more symptoms you get the more you think it's got to be serious, and when I wake up with a panic attack about 1.30 I think that's it for me, I can't think , ok you've had these before it will pass just go with it, but I can't as they frighten the living day lights out of me, I wonder if I had someone to talk me through it at the time I could get through it x
---------- Post added at 18:09 ---------- Previous post was at 18:04 ----------
Hey Princess and everyone else
I can so empathise with all the little things becoming mass traumas! I hear you about your worries about public toilets! I'm so scared of the lifts at work- in case I get shut on one of the disused floors and die! its the little things (and big things ) that scare me, I'm so anxious about getting lost that I dare not even visits another city, I'm scared of even getting lost at work! I work in a huge grade one listed building- it's H shaped and completely confusing.
The idea of a retired party girl tea and cake meet up sounds great- but virtual support is just as good! I can't believe there are so many of us with similar symptoms! its so good to hear about other peoples anxieties, makes me feel much less alone, thanks girls!
Yep I agree on lifts, when I did the CBT they made me get in a lift on my own a few times and said the more I did it the better it will be, yeah right, I haven't been in one since, I also don't like escalators, especially the ones that are right in the centre with nothing either side so I can see the drop, tube station ones I can as they are enclosed so I can't see the drop, feel useless and silly really when I watch everyone else going up the lift or escalator and there's me going to the stairs! Even the stairs become an issue if you can see through the back of the step or the bottom!
Xx
ugh I hear ya! and isn't it dull to be anxious all the time? Like; really boring to be running from all the things we used to love? with everyday things seeming epic! How long have you been anxious like this for?
Hi,
My heart goes out to you going through this pain. Anxiety can be extremely painful and seemingly relentless but know that there is a solution out there for you and I hope that you find it.
In the meantime I want you to know that you are not alone! :)
Greg
Thanks Greg
I hope there's a solution for all of us. x
Princess23
16-08-15, 20:39
And whoever can make that solution and can change our lives will be a multi millionaire, I would give anything to feel free again ��
Hi ladies (and boys),
So nice to read through all your messages this morning, it has cheered me up immensely! Totally agree with how you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, since suffering with all this I've learnt that you never know what someone's story is! I recently left my job working on a cosmetic counter in a department store, people used to say things like 'well if you can get up in the morning and put all that effort into your appearance then you can't feel that ill' quite the opposite - more the case of slapping makeup on to hide the grey circles and drawn out complexion from sleepless nights and endless worrying 24/7, and the insecurity of worrying that people are saying horrible things about the way I look and wanting to hide away from everyone! It's no fun feeling constantly paranoid and anxious.
One of the things I find most difficult is looking at the life I used to live, and thinking how did this come to this? I watch my friends all moving to London and having high flying careers and crazy social lives, and I sit listening to them talking about what they do and think how on earth can you live life so wildly and not worry that you're going to die?! (by 'wild life' I mean going for a mid week drink or going for business trips to different countries....fairly harmless stuff for regular people!!) I can't even go to a different city for a night as I'm terrified i'll need medical attention and not be able to get it, I just hate going anywhere without taking a 'safety person' (my partner or parents) - I'm 26 and feel I should be living life in the fast lane but I sometimes feel like I've fast forward to being in my 60's. When I actually pluck up the confidence to think 'f*** it' and actually go places or do something out of my comfort zone (like go out for a meal) I usually spend the entire event just wishing it would hurry up and finish so I can rush home and get back to my safety zone!
Hope everyone is feeling ok today and has as good a day as is possible!
I can totally sympathise White- I'm the same. I'm anxious about everything! and am scared to travel and especially scared of getting lost (that my main fear getting lost which would...logically cause my death! totally irrational I know) I totally understand what you mean by feeling like your heading toward your 60's that's exactly how I feel! Like I'm 35! I should be having the time of my life- but here I am even scared to visit art shows if different cities (I'm an artist) and you're so right about doing something out of your comfort zone- like travel- but then wishing it was all over- just desiring to be back at home in the safe and warm.
It wasn't always like this for me though- I've travelled to different countries on my own before and really enjoyed it- this level of anxiety is a new thing for me which has developed over the last few months.
I am so frustrated with myself, and with the neediness I now feel. luckily my partner is an actual saint, otherwise I'd be totally lost.
I hope everyone is having the best day they can- wrapped up safe and warm in their safe zones!
flisco,
I totally agree - it is so frustrating and debilitating!! while our fears sound silly when we write them down, they are very real for us, like you said getting lost is unlikely to cause your death but it must be a very frightening fear! I sympathise with you as I'm similar in the respect that I'm terrified I will develop severe health problems if I am too far away from home, for example if I go to London for a weekend I will definitely be more likely to suffer a fatal heart attack than I would in my bedroom...logical of course!!
I'm the same in that my problems are still quite new, I've been suffering with all this for just under two years and really miss the life I used to live. I'm even terrified of drinking alcohol as I'm convinced it will give me funny irregular heartbeats, when I used to love socialising and enjoying a few glasses of wine on a weekend! That must be so frustrating for you that you'd like to visit new cities to go to art shows and your anxiety doesn't allow you to, its such a cruel illness. Would you feel safer if you were to do things like that with your partner, or is travelling just a general no-no?
So glad to hear that you have a fantastic partner, I'm the same and count myself so lucky!
Hope everyone is ok today!
aw thanks for the reply White, we're both lucky to have supportive partners, most people would have left me by now but my partner can see through the anxiety to the real me, and loves me just the same.
Fears sound so silly when they are written down you're right! I've even had sleepless nights worrying about getting lost in the building where I work, or getting shut in the walk in freezer and dying! so silly but a very real fear. I can imagine how debilitating HA is though the thought of sudden ill health in a strange city must be terrifying.
Two years seems like a long time- do you have any idea what caused your anxiety? I know mine started fairly recently over the last few months, but really I feel like I've been anxious all my life, its just that this time its more acute. (I suffer with other mental health problems that have triggered the anxiety.)
As for travelling I'm good if I can take someone with me or if I get chaperoned at the other end but no good if I'm just alone, its so frustrating I used to love exploring- I'm really not sure where all these new fears have sprung from. Although at the end of July I went to Glasgow alone on the train to do some art work there- which was totally stressful but OK as I was staying with a friend who was working with me so I didn't have to navigate the city alone- so that was a triumph- although a really stressful one. I'm going to try to go to Manchester alone too- I've been reading one of the Claire Weekes books about how to try to face your fears so I'm going to try to push myself- but I'm saving it till I feel super strong!
I just miss me old life and old self. If we all lived closer we could have retired party girl hangouts! kinda anxiety socials!
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