Feel uncomfortable around my dad

[char123]

Hi I apologise for the long post but I really need someone's input in this?!

Okay so lately I've had a fear of being attracted to my brother which I've written a post about and I feel better after the responses but thinking of that has for some reason sort of made me feel uncomfortable around my own dad?! It's hard to explain but it's like I'm uncomfortable with him in almost a sexual way. It is so messed up. It is so ridiculous because I know that he wouldn't sexually harm me and it's like I'm paranoid or someat.my parents have been divorced for like 5 years and I see my dad like once a week more or less. I used to be quite close with my dad when we were younger but I know and remember that my dad and mum argued probably every day and my dad was violent ( never towards us but like slamming doors, hitting walls etc). I found out like a year ago that he had cheated on my mum before I was born and I hate my dad for all that stuff. He less violent but he still loses his temper and shouts for unnecessary reasons.

So anyway, for example I was walking in front for him and suddenly felt really uncomfortable in case he was looking at my bum (wtf I know he wouldn't but it's like I'm paranoid!). I guess I have a weird thing around most older men for some reason , like I'm afraid they're attracted to me (wth right,) Also, I kept having disgusting weird sexual thoughts about my dad. I know that that is a symptom of OCD so do is it possible what this is. I definitely think too much about everything and I'm afraid this is going to affect my future in that how I act around men- what if it prevents me from having a boyfriend etc.

I hate this about myself. Recently this year, it's like I've gained this 'habit' of reviewing myself in certain situations and noting my thoughts and feelings then turning it into an issue by over thinking and ovethinking again. Before I began thinking this way, this odd thought would never have even entered my mind. What is wrong with me?!

I'm a 16 year old female who freaks out easily so please reply nicely! Thanks for reading if you did, I feel so abnormal in thinking this& I want it to stop. I have a counsellor but don't really know how to bring this up because is this even down to anxiety?

Thanks again

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yeah, I think this is another part of the intrusive thoughts of your OCD. Its just the same as the ones with your brother and I seem to recall you having ones about sake sex too. All of these are well known OCD thoughts found in the sexually intrusive thoughts ones.

Your counsellor will be aware of this, it will have been in their training. Even if not, they will have a supervisor who will know about it.

Please don't think you are disgusting or bad for having these thoughts because intrusive thoughts in OCD are described as "ego dystonic" which means they are the opposite of your true character, beliefs, etc.

Some of the issues like thinking older men are looking at you could also suggest some issues with self confidence maybe? Some of this can when be part of natural development at your age as you are still learning & maturing.

If you find it hard to talk, could you write it like on here or show them this? Some people find that easy to communicate with and let the counselor start the discussion.