bekw89
14-08-15, 15:52
Hi all
I thought while I'm lying here feeling anxious about everything and nothing in particular, i'd just write it out and it might help. So my anxiety started a little over a month a go with a huge panic attack that lasted about 5 hours. In which my mind was mentally pulled apart. I believe I may be suffering some sort of PSTD from it as it was that bad. The next day I tried to forget about it, but it was lingering. I had a few small panic attacks at work, then finally I had to leave early. I drove home in a state trying to relax but couldn't. I always seemed to be able to relax at home, but one day after work the anxiety followed me and I had constant anxiety all night. This dragged on into the weekend , for hours i'd just anticipate an attack waves of panic and adrenaline one after the other. It was driving me insane. I woke up with nausea, felt completely out of it most mornings full of dread, anxiety and hopelessness. This continued day after day until about two weeks in the physical symptoms stopped. But I developed depersonalisation and derealisation.
Being outside was like an acid trip and I didn't know who I was anymore. Work became impossible. I tried to go in a few times, lasted differing lengths. One day I drove half way and had to pull over as my mind was racing so badly. I had a lot of symptomless panic attacks which was just a racing mind I couldn't stop. I'd be convinced any second I would stop breathing. I developed a breathing paranoia which morphed over time until I developed a habit of putting my hand by my mouth to check I was breathing. My brain felt like it split in two and although I know who I am I have such a disconnect from it all. Sometimes I panic just about how all this has happened to me and how I think it will never end. But everyday I push myself. I haven't had a lie in bed day since this happened, i'm too scared to. I am struggling to believe in recovery at the moment although I do feel better each day, I always think there will be something new to contend with. The doctor has given me citalopram 20mg which I am scared to take. I find positive thinking the most helpful but it's so hard to do.
Well anyway there you go, hope some can relate.
I thought while I'm lying here feeling anxious about everything and nothing in particular, i'd just write it out and it might help. So my anxiety started a little over a month a go with a huge panic attack that lasted about 5 hours. In which my mind was mentally pulled apart. I believe I may be suffering some sort of PSTD from it as it was that bad. The next day I tried to forget about it, but it was lingering. I had a few small panic attacks at work, then finally I had to leave early. I drove home in a state trying to relax but couldn't. I always seemed to be able to relax at home, but one day after work the anxiety followed me and I had constant anxiety all night. This dragged on into the weekend , for hours i'd just anticipate an attack waves of panic and adrenaline one after the other. It was driving me insane. I woke up with nausea, felt completely out of it most mornings full of dread, anxiety and hopelessness. This continued day after day until about two weeks in the physical symptoms stopped. But I developed depersonalisation and derealisation.
Being outside was like an acid trip and I didn't know who I was anymore. Work became impossible. I tried to go in a few times, lasted differing lengths. One day I drove half way and had to pull over as my mind was racing so badly. I had a lot of symptomless panic attacks which was just a racing mind I couldn't stop. I'd be convinced any second I would stop breathing. I developed a breathing paranoia which morphed over time until I developed a habit of putting my hand by my mouth to check I was breathing. My brain felt like it split in two and although I know who I am I have such a disconnect from it all. Sometimes I panic just about how all this has happened to me and how I think it will never end. But everyday I push myself. I haven't had a lie in bed day since this happened, i'm too scared to. I am struggling to believe in recovery at the moment although I do feel better each day, I always think there will be something new to contend with. The doctor has given me citalopram 20mg which I am scared to take. I find positive thinking the most helpful but it's so hard to do.
Well anyway there you go, hope some can relate.