How is it serving you?

[ana]

Hello everybody,

I thought I'd share a realisation I've had recently about my panic attacks acting as a shield between me and the rest of the world. There must be a reason as to why, after 15 years, I still haven't got rid of anxiety and have not let it go. Panic is still a part of my life, and I use it to structure my daily functioning around.

I'm wondering if anyone else has managed to figure out why it is that they need the panic. Is there a purpose to your having anxiety?

If I had to guess, I'd say that there is a life experience that I am reluctant or scared to go through, and panic attacks serve as a perfect excuse as to why I am not doing so. Maybe I'm just afraid of life, as awfully pitiful as that sounds, but hopefully, I can piece the pieces together to resolve the issue.

I hope everyone is having a lovely day. :flowers:

[flisco]

Hello Ana

This is a really interesting idea, I think my anxiety stops me from going out into the world and having adventures- as my anxiety focusses around being lost and travelling. I guess if I could say my anxiety is useful to me, -like yours it would be a protective shield, I feel like a delicate flower, so I guess the anxiety allows me to stay at home more and achieve less- and have an excuse for doing so.

I think my anxiety is stopping me from really dealing with life- keeping me in a somewhat juvenile form- with my partner taking care of me. Like you I feel like if I could solve the problem of what the pay off is for my anxiety then I could be free of it.

thanks for a really thought provoking post.

[sial72]

Interesting Ana, this is something I have often thought about...

[ana]

Flisco,

thank you for sharing your thoughts. I can relate to what you have said about feeling delicate as I also feel vulnerable and the world feels like a safer place if I don't participate it in as much. You also raised an interesting idea of being taken care of. I often wonder if I'm using my panic attacks in a way that would make the people around me more considerate. For example, if there is a social event I don't wish to participate in, I could simply excuse myself from not going by saying how I don't feel well; 'I'm terribly anxious today, so sorry I can't go!'

I didn't used to be like this in the past - I would jump at an opportunity to go some place, travel for hours, not worry about being away from home. The question is, when and how did I start using panic attacks as a shield from the experiences I used to enjoy... More importantly, how do I prove to myself that the shield is unnecessary?

Something more to think about, hehe :)

[sial72]

You know Ana I have often thought about this. My theory for myself is this:
My Dad died when I was 10 and my Mum had to work non-stop to keep the family, so I kind of lost both my Dad and my Mum and I was always by myself.
She was always away working except when I was ill, then she would take time off. So my theory is that my way to get attention and affection is by being ill.
Maybe?...

[TonySamuraiSoldier]

Maybe it is your brain being overprotective. All my anxiety does is stop me from eating foods I like, going outside, and not having a way to contact somebody 24/7.

[ana]

Sial,

I am truly sorry for your loss. :( I can't imagine what a trauma that must have been - no wonder you've developed an anxiety disorder!
I lost two of my family members in a space of 5 months in the year that my panic attacks first started. Therefore, I reckon that my anxiety was initially connected to my fear of death. However, I'm not so sure that that's its purpose any more...

Tony, if I may ask, what do you mean when you say that the anxiety is keeping you from being connected to people? Do you think it could be that you are using the anxiety to keep yourself at a distance so as to avoid getting hurt by others?

I'm just wondering here, sorry if my question seems too intrusive.

---------- Post added at 10:28 ---------- Previous post was at 10:26 ----------

Also, Sial,

I think you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned being ill. Panic attacks put you in a victim mentality, and victims need attention and looking after. I can see the sense behind it.

[flisco]

I think my anxiety is a form of displaced fear of death, all my anxiety thinking comes back to scenarios where I die at the end- so I think my anxiety is two pronged one is a fear of death and the other is a wish to curl up, be taken care of and not have to go out ever again. I want to protect my self from death so I've become frightened of anything that challenges me or has potential for harm real or imagined.

I think you're right Ana its like a shield, but its having a huge impact on my life and shielding me from things I used to enjoy. The world is suddenly not more dangerous- I'm suddenly more scared and vulnerable. There's got to be a way to put down this shield and go back to enjoying the life I used to have before?

Sial its a good realisation you had about being ill and getting attention from other people it totally makes sense, and was probably quite subconscious until now. I feel like in my case when I'm ill especially at home or in bed, nothing bad can actually happen to me so when I'm at my illest I'm actually safest! and I wonder if that plays a part in my illness. I also get attention from my partner when I'm ill like you I had a similar relationship with my mum, she'd only give me unconditional loving attention when I was ill- so I wonder if this is something I've 'learnt' works?

thanks for sharing and the thought provoking posts, I really feel like if I can answer a few of these questions I might be closer to releasing some of my anxiety. so thank you.

[bekw89]

Hi interesting idea...
I think mine has to do with my dad recently being diagnosed with a terminal illness. In a way my anxiety has stolen all of my focus and that has become secondary so possibly it's some sort of defence mechanism and explains why most my anxiety is about not feeling myself.

[sial72]

Hi Bek
I am really sorry about your Dad. What you say makes a lot of sense. In fact if you all look into it, it seems that anxiety is very rarely "out of blue" as a lot if people think. It is very often our body and mind trying to "protect us"

[flisco]

Hello Bek

I'm sorry to hear about your dad too, things must be really tough for you right now. sending hugs.

And Sial you are right although I've even said myself that my anxiety came from 'nowhere' it didn't at all, it came after I had other mental health problem flare ups- I would agree that its my mind trying to protect me. I just need to convince my mind I don't need protecting no matter how vulnerable I feel.

[ana]

Bek,

I'm really sorry to hear about your father... I hope you find a way to cope... I developed my anxiety disorder when I lost two family members in the space of 5 months. I reckon my panic attacks are my way of staying hidden in my own world where nothing can harm me and where I've got a (illusive) sense of control.
What's so scary about the big bad world, and why can't I put down (or at least lower!) my shield is what's bugging me. Perhaps I need to look at when I get most anxious, i.e. what brings the panic on, and then try and figure out the reason behind it. For instance, if I panic in social situations, is it because of the person or what they are saying, perhaps? If so, what am I so uncomfortable with, and do I recognise an aspect of myself in them that is making me want to panic and flee?

So many questions, and all the answers are hidden in the subconscious somewhere... lovely lol