Farczes
16-08-15, 18:23
Hello lovely people on the Internet, I hope someone can help me with my question.
I'm going to give a backstory, it has become longer than I planned it to be, sorry about that. So, here it goes:
I'm a male, 26 years old.
Last year September (2014) I developed what you may call a full blown panic disorder with agoraphobia. I've always had a minor anxiety problem, but nothing that kept me from doing stuff (the year before I even went bungee jumping, that while having fear of heights, I was scared as hell but still did it). I always was scared of confrontations, afraid to be in the spotlight, afraid that someone would want to fight etc. But again, I did everything. Went out, liked to drink, smoked weed for a long period, no problem there.
Until I started experiencing heart palpitations at age 22. It kept getting worse, so I stopped smoking weed, drank less and less. Last year September I got a severe panic attack the day after drinking a lot of beer. That freaked me out, so much that I quit smoking (cigarets this time) and quit caffeine immediately (which problably only made it worse). A few panic attacks followed up the days after, and I ended up staying in my room not wanting to leave the house. Everywhere I went I got scared of dying. I was sure that my heart could stop any moment.
I started reading up on this problem and did a self diagnosis. Bought a book from an American psychologist, and made an appointment to start with CBT. I also did some tests at the doctor, but it resulted in nothing strange. It's also difficult to get tests here done in the Netherlands when you've got an anxiety problem, they're just convinced everything has its roots in stress.
It took a few weeks, and when I got invited for CBT I knew already more than I needed to know about my problem. They wanted to start me on antidepressants, but I refused (I've always thought they're too easy with prescribing medication).
Unfortunately everything got a bit worse over the last couple of months. The sensations in my body are terrible sometimes. I am dizzy 24/7 (rocking back and forth in a boat sensation), heart palpitations, major headaches, mood swings (most of the times just really sad), and some obsessive thoughts (when I'm in a high building the word 'jump' repeats constantly in my head). Those things just got worse. I also got afraid of getting alcohol and caffeine, so when I drink and start feeling something I panic a little bit.
After not leaving the house for almost 6 months (only to go to therapy), we (me and my family) went to South America to visit our family. I forced to go, because some family members are getting old, wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't see them because of this problem.
That all went well, no panic attacks (those left, there is only the anticipattion of a panic attack. But I also avoid situations if I feel I might have them, which obviously isn't good).
Now I'm back in the Netherlands, and I still haven't gotten any better. I'm aware of the fact that exercise (and mediation) are almost essential in getting better. But I am also wondering if antidepressants might help me a little bit.
I've always refused, partly because of the pride of doing it 'alone', partly because many people told me to do it, so I didn't want them to be right (pride again).
Now I just want to get better, I can't live like this, this is hell. I miss out on so much, so many people I wanted to talk to, see, but just can't. I keep isolating more and more.
I'm asking this question here because I know my psychiatrist will say I need medication, that's his job. I'm hoping someone with similar experiences got better doing something, and is willing to share that with me.
Thanks in advance, and sorry for any mistakes. I'm currently at a reunion of friends of my family, very fun people, but I'm in a corner listening to music typing this. Too busy there.
I'm going to give a backstory, it has become longer than I planned it to be, sorry about that. So, here it goes:
I'm a male, 26 years old.
Last year September (2014) I developed what you may call a full blown panic disorder with agoraphobia. I've always had a minor anxiety problem, but nothing that kept me from doing stuff (the year before I even went bungee jumping, that while having fear of heights, I was scared as hell but still did it). I always was scared of confrontations, afraid to be in the spotlight, afraid that someone would want to fight etc. But again, I did everything. Went out, liked to drink, smoked weed for a long period, no problem there.
Until I started experiencing heart palpitations at age 22. It kept getting worse, so I stopped smoking weed, drank less and less. Last year September I got a severe panic attack the day after drinking a lot of beer. That freaked me out, so much that I quit smoking (cigarets this time) and quit caffeine immediately (which problably only made it worse). A few panic attacks followed up the days after, and I ended up staying in my room not wanting to leave the house. Everywhere I went I got scared of dying. I was sure that my heart could stop any moment.
I started reading up on this problem and did a self diagnosis. Bought a book from an American psychologist, and made an appointment to start with CBT. I also did some tests at the doctor, but it resulted in nothing strange. It's also difficult to get tests here done in the Netherlands when you've got an anxiety problem, they're just convinced everything has its roots in stress.
It took a few weeks, and when I got invited for CBT I knew already more than I needed to know about my problem. They wanted to start me on antidepressants, but I refused (I've always thought they're too easy with prescribing medication).
Unfortunately everything got a bit worse over the last couple of months. The sensations in my body are terrible sometimes. I am dizzy 24/7 (rocking back and forth in a boat sensation), heart palpitations, major headaches, mood swings (most of the times just really sad), and some obsessive thoughts (when I'm in a high building the word 'jump' repeats constantly in my head). Those things just got worse. I also got afraid of getting alcohol and caffeine, so when I drink and start feeling something I panic a little bit.
After not leaving the house for almost 6 months (only to go to therapy), we (me and my family) went to South America to visit our family. I forced to go, because some family members are getting old, wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't see them because of this problem.
That all went well, no panic attacks (those left, there is only the anticipattion of a panic attack. But I also avoid situations if I feel I might have them, which obviously isn't good).
Now I'm back in the Netherlands, and I still haven't gotten any better. I'm aware of the fact that exercise (and mediation) are almost essential in getting better. But I am also wondering if antidepressants might help me a little bit.
I've always refused, partly because of the pride of doing it 'alone', partly because many people told me to do it, so I didn't want them to be right (pride again).
Now I just want to get better, I can't live like this, this is hell. I miss out on so much, so many people I wanted to talk to, see, but just can't. I keep isolating more and more.
I'm asking this question here because I know my psychiatrist will say I need medication, that's his job. I'm hoping someone with similar experiences got better doing something, and is willing to share that with me.
Thanks in advance, and sorry for any mistakes. I'm currently at a reunion of friends of my family, very fun people, but I'm in a corner listening to music typing this. Too busy there.