I'm such a wreck

[elik]

I think I cross every board on this forum. My issues seem endless. Lately, I am really thinking if not obsessed by how I come across to people. Nit picking everything such as peoples reactions. I hate myself because I think I have nothing to offer. I just want to please people and this in turn has led me to be something I'm not, trying to make myself appear how I wish I was. That makes me feel like a fraud. Then I feel guilty and like I'm a worthless low life. I don't think I could hate anything more than I do myself. I conquer one issue to find another and it just doesn't stop. I am on medication, have had/ sometimes have counselling and have tried various techniques and I always end back here....

[white1989]

Hi elik,

I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling. I too battle with self-hate and very low self esteem, constantly worrying about what other people think of me, that I come across as weird, mean, fake, ugly, anything you can think of! I too constantly feel like I have to please everyone, I even (without realising) change the way I talk, change my accent to try and fit in with particular people, as I feel I won't be accepted if I'm any different.
I was told by my previous psychologist to spend 10 minutes before going to sleep every day making a list of the things I've done that day that were positive or made a positive difference to someone's life, eg saying good morning to an elderly person, smiling at a stranger, absolutely anything big or small. As well as this, making a note of any compliments you have received on that day. Even something as small as someone saying thank you, someone saying 'well done' at work, or something a friend, family or partner might have said to you. anything that shows you have been appreciated. It might not work for you but it might also show you how much good you've done in that day, and how many people actually appreciate you and care about you!
I feel like a hypocrite saying this (as I never listen to my own advise) but try to learn to love yourself, I know for myself that I could find 15 things I hate about myself for every 1 thing I love about myself, but trying to focus on that 1 thing I love, maybe other people don't have that quality?

I hope you start to feel better, and remember that in the long run it doesn't matter what people think of you, it is the relationships with the people that matter the most are the most important thing, so stuff the negative opinions, they don't deserve to know you if they have nothing nice to think of you! best wishes x