why won't the world let me be happy

[scaredgirl86]

I know I've posted a lot on this subject and I've got great advice which I have tried. I been trying to go out and not care what anyone thinks and feel good about myself but even when I think I look really good in the house I go out and most people make me feel otherwise. I never get male attention not even from guys who are not my type they always give me nasty looks like im not good enough for them when I have no interest in them anyway. I don't understand how I could be ugly to all these people. Other girls always give me snobby bitchy faces and think their better. People of all ages are like this I see him how they respond to others but me that l they look at me like im some kind of monster. I tried to ignore it but it's all the time I feel like I go out to entertain everyone and make them feel better about themselves. They make b it impossible to be happy I jusy want to be treated like everyone else I dont see anything wrong with me I dont want to let them make me feel ugly I don't know what to do any advice ?

[MyNameIsTerry]

Maybe it's not about caring what others think but more about your interpretation of what they are thinking? Most people we look at simply don't register much at all, they are busy getting on with whatever they are doing or just looking your way but thinking about something else.

Working on areas such as self confidence, self worth & self esteem are also going to be important as without dealing with these too, you may start to fall back into the cycle.

Maybe a therapist would also spend time having you analyse facial expressions to determine whether you misinterpret them in general or just when they are looking at you.

If someone looks at you and you think they are thinking bad things about you, do you then see who they look at next? Do they look at them the same, with nicer expressions or worse ones?

Another possibility is whether this is really a social anxiety problem or perhaps more a BDD issue? People with BDD often can't see the reality that everyone else sees, just like with eating disorders, so they will have a very strong bias towards the negative and this bias needs retraining (e.g. Cognitive Distortions in CBT) but with BDD it is quite strong in terms of the beliefs of the person and can manifest in more extreme ways in pursuit of ways to change how they look to fit in with others beliefs about them that are skewed in their minds.

So, perhaps you need to talk to a professional about where the true issues lie? I think therapy is a good idea anyway.

[white1989]

hi scaredgirl,

I feel the exact same as everything you said, so I really empathise with you! I'm a 26 year old female, I spend my life comparing myself to other women, constantly feeling inadequate, no matter how much effort I put into my appearance I go out in public and feel like a piece of trash! It really affects my relationship with my partner as well as I frequently cause arguments over accusing him of not finding me attractive, finding other girls more attractive, comparing myself to his previous partner, etc etc.
I've never really talked to a professional about this as I feel they'll just tell me I'm being vain, but it's quite the opposite.
I noticed you said that girls can give you mean looks, from working in a very female environment for a number of years I can tell you that 99% of the time when women give other women stick, it's down to jealously. I don't think I've ever known a woman say something rude about another woman when its secretly not because they are actually jealous of her!
Try to focus on the positives about yourself, positive qualities you have, inside, outside, everything. I bet you have far more qualities than these people that are making you feel rubbish. Your self esteem may be effecting the way you respond to social situations, as I know mine does, I think sometimes I come across as rude and ignorant when its actually that I'm really unconfident and too paranoid to talk to people in case they judge me or think I'm a weirdo! Do you ever feel like this?
I hope you start to feel better and find the support you need to feel better, best wishes x