So poorly

[MidnightCalm]

I've been drinking massively for a long time to combat my panic attacks which I know is a bad combo but it worked. I'm completely housebound agrophobic and rarely speak to anybody. I've even had to shut myself in my bedroom and make my partner sleep on the couch the past two weeks. I always feel anxious and when I don't feel anxious I feel just as poorly, muscles aching, constant diahrea, tension so bad I can barely move, jelly legs, faint feelings, breathing problems, pains in liver area, pains in appendix area, can't see gp can't go out can't see people. I've been drinking So much was repeatedly vomiting all day until my throat burned so bad even water hurt it and I'm so dizzy and unbalanced this has all been going on for years. I'm scared out of myind I try to relax and I try to cut down on the drinking and then bang out of nowhere the biggest panic I've known occurs and I can't help it. I'm sleeping so badly I wake up gasping for air disoriented. Slight noise makes me jump out of my sleep in a panic I just need kind words or reassurance but I know something bad is wrong with me. I don't need shouting at and that's all I get and it makes me shut myself away. It's the unsteady, fainting, unbalanced, can't place feet, exhausted feeling that's scaring me this second I'm already on my 8th unit of alcohol at 9am!

---------- Post added at 09:15 ---------- Previous post was at 09:11 ----------

I don't have a friend in the world to talk to about this :(

---------- Post added at 09:20 ---------- Previous post was at 09:15 ----------

I'm not sleeping well at all. About 5 hours a night with hourly waking up panicky or sweating and boiling hot or freeZing and wet blankets and stomach spasms

[sial72]

Hello Midnightcalm
I am sorry to hear you are going through such a bad time. Did I understand correctly that this morning before 9 am you have had 8 units of alcohol?
If this is the case, you really have to do something about this because there is no way that your anxiety can ever improve with this alcohol consumption.
I would strongly advice that you ask for help with this because when you give up alcohol you will then be able to work on your other issues whereas it can't be done the other way round.
But, you must do this with help, not on your own.
I don't live in the uk so I don't know what steps you would have to follow there, maybe you can call somebody in the medical center and explsin what is happening? Or maybe your partner could look into it?
It can be done, you just need to take the first step to change things xxx

[MidnightCalm]

Yes. I've had about 10 units and it's half 10 in the morning I've been up since 7. Just to try and combat these feelings and panic and faint feeling. It's a terrible amount and has been going on for quite some time since my anxiety started. Initially a lesser amount but building and it's been years. I'm 26 and I stated drinking to combat this at about 17 at first in social situations and now just to function through the day.

---------- Post added at 10:41 ---------- Previous post was at 10:30 ----------

Don't get me wrong I try to cut down I wrote plans and buy less and then a panic attack or whatever is happening to me comes and I drink a lot fast to calm down and then I'm back at square 1

[sial72]

You are obviously aware that this is obviously not only not helping but making you worse. I gave up alcohol at age 27 and it is the best thing I have done.
You have to do something about it because if not itbis just going to get worse and worse...unfortunately alcohol in never a solution for anxiety, it just adds another problem.
Is calling your medical center an option to ask for help? Xx

[MidnightCalm]

It's just so hard as a agrophobic to talk to anybody and so acared they're going to tell me I'm dying that's why I keep cutting down myself but end up right back where I started. Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. I'm hoping at 26 my liver can recover

---------- Post added at 12:07 ---------- Previous post was at 11:32 ----------

Anybody ever been where I am? Drinking continuously through the day?

[Fishmanpa]

Since you're agoraphobic, is it your partner who's buying the alcohol? If so, do they realize how detrimental this is?

As has been said, this is extremely unhealthy both physically and mentally. I hope you find the inner fortitude to seek help.

Positive thoughts

[Pepperpot]

You need help and fast. You cannot carry on like this - you know this yourself. Only you can do this for yourself.

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/alcohol/Pages/Alcoholsupport.aspx

Read this. It has support numbers on that you can call. I haven't got to the stage where I've drank through the day, but I had a family member stay with me who was your age, and she did. It was awful.

I hope you call one of those numbers - you clearly know yourself that you need help x

[flisco]

hey Midnight

I really feel for you I've had problems with alcohol in the past and had to give it up entirely. It will make your anxiety worse. Luckily you're posting here so you obviously know things need to change.

Your GP can make a home visit- there's no need for you to suffer like this. Obviously your drinking because of the anxiety, but the alcohol makes the anxiety worse so its like a vicious circle. And the alcohol will be causing the physical symptoms too, like the pounding heart, night sweats and sickness.

Why not call the number pepperpot posted (if you can) and then post again to let everyone know how it went?Sounds like your having a bit of a crisis- so your GP will defo come out so why not ring them too?

the sooner you start to get help the better!

[sial72]

Yes, everything is hard as an agoraphobic, but don't be scared of what they are going to tell. To be honest you should be more afraid of how this will progress if you don"t do anything about it.
I see Pepperpot has provided some numbers than can be helpful, now you just have to take a small step to start on recovery...xxx

[MidnightCalm]

But what would my gp do I can't go to a program and he can't take my bloods here or anything :(

---------- Post added at 15:07 ---------- Previous post was at 15:00 ----------

Does anybody know?

[flisco]

The doctor will be able to advise you, that's what doctors are for. And lots of things are now done from home, as some people are too old or like you, to ill to leave the house. You don't know what the doctor can or can't do until you ring!

Its got to be better than what you're going through, right? maybe try to take one small step in the right direction...

[MidnightCalm]

I tried cutting down the other day. I halved my intake one day and it made me so anxious but I fought through it and I tried again the next day and got up to 8pm and a massive wave of fainting and panic came over me and I grabbed a bottle and quickly drank it to calm my body and it worked :(

[sial72]

You don't need bloods taking, you need support and unless you make that first step you can't know what is available. Here in Spain you can get help sent out to your house if needed, there might be something similar there x

[MidnightCalm]

Thank you everyone for your help by the way. I will try to pluck up the courage soon . Idk what advice the doctor can give me I already know I need to cut down

[Fishmanpa]

I will try to pluck up the courage soon .

The sooner the better I hope! And not just cutting down but abstaining completely. In order to effectively treat anxiety, sometimes meds are needed along with therapy and it's not advisable to drink with many meds, especially the amount you're consuming.

Your doctor can offer advise but ultimately, getting into a program and/or therapy to help you address your anxiety and alcohol addiction is advisable.

Positive thoughts

[MidnightCalm]

Yeah you're right. Thanks for the reply. So scared of withdrawal symptoms but so want to be better. Scared I'll be one of those people who get the worst of them and the reason I drink is because I can't handle the symptoms I get already

[Pepperpot]

When the family member I mentioned came to stay, the doctor said that it was more harmful to stop drinking suddenly as she was an alcoholic. Now, I told him I was not willing to go out and buy bottles of cider/wine/lager as I had my own family to look after. He said that the body craves the sugar, so that full fat pop would be ok. Well, I didn't mind buying that so I did, and it helped.

[MidnightCalm]

Did they have symptoms when they were drinking that were making them
Poorly because of the drinking? Or were they just a drinker?

[sial72]

Midnightcalm, you do have symptoms that are making you poorly. The anxiety, being sick...
And having 8 units before 9 in the morning is not "just a drinker".
You drink to calm your anxiety and yet by now most of your anxiety is probably because you need another drink.
I have been there and done it. It is hard at first but it has to be done and with time the anxiety decreases so much, plus you are mentally and physically alert to deal with things.
And, you don't need to be scared of withdrawal symptoms because you will have help (they will probably give you medication or therapy).
I really wish that you will take thay first step very soon, you eon't regret it!!! Xxx

[Pepperpot]

I think she was ok whilst drinking, but when she didn't have a drink she was sweating ridiculous, shaking, going insane; she had a lot of problems bless her and thought alcohol was the answer. I was quite a heavy drinker until my first panic attack 5wks ago; since then I've probably had no more than a bottle of wine, and that's been over a period of about a week. Not had anything for 3wks at least. I started drinking heavily cos I was nervous about being in the house on a night time by myself. I don't feel any better for not drinking but that's purely cos I'm riddled with anxiety and that's the reason I don't drink, cos I can't bring myself to have one incase I'm allergic to it!! (Daft I know). However I wouldn't like to have the panic attacks I'm having at the minute as well as a hangover. That would be horrific.
Right so you know you need to stop drinking and you're scared of what the doc is gonna say. You will not be the 1st and you'll not be the last person he has seen with an alcohol problem. It's his job to help and he will get you back on track so you can deal with your anxiety. I really wish you the best of luck; you're only young and have your life ahead of you. You can do this. There is tons of support out there. X

---------- Post added at 22:41 ---------- Previous post was at 22:39 ----------

You gotta think that this drinking to control anxiety/symptoms is a learned behavior. You can "unlearn" it; yeah it'll take willpower and time but you can do it. X

[swgrl09]

Midnight, not to make you more afraid, but I think a lot of your anxiety and panic right in this moment is detoxing from alcohol. Please know that detoxing from alcohol is dangerous if you are not in a medical facility so it would really be your best option to go to a hospital or detox facility in order to SAFELY come off of the alcohol. A lot of rebound symptoms when you stop using any substance is anxiety and panic, shaking, etc. Vomiting and tremors can also occur when coming off alcohol. It is really important that you come off of it safely with a medical doctor's care.

Once you are sober, you can really put the work in to take care of your residual panic and anxiety. But with alcohol mixed in, it's hard to tell what is from your anxiety and what is from alcohol/alcohol withdrawal.

[MidnightCalm]

I'm housebound agrophobic lol. Have been for years... Nothing can get me out, I can't help it. I'll have to do this from home.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I think ringing your GP, as suggested, would be a good start here. Or maybe your GF can if you struggle with things like that? Not all GP's seem to do telephone appointments (mine don't) but you should be able to visit you for the appointment. Then you can have a chat about your options of treatment.

You can get support at home with therapy or through support through practice nurses in some, or certainly via a Community Mental Health Team. The latter seem most appropriate given your complex circumstances or at least a side by side approach with a team helping you detox.

Some meds they use for controlling detox symptoms are also used short term for anxiety e.g. Benzo's. This might help on both fronts until you can deal with the anxiety via medication, therapy or both.

Whatever you do, get support. There are numbers you can call for support and advice, which I think one was posted earlier in this thread. Honestly, there are people on here, like those who have posted, that have been where you are and know how much better it is to leave this problem behind. I knew a guy who was an alcoholic from a young age and he told me prison was the best thing that happened to him as they gave him the help he needed and now he just has the work on anxiety & deprssion but its much easier with the booze there too.

If a therapist can work on your agoraphobia, you can reach out to local charities for mental heath in many areas and these would help you too.

[MidnightCalm]

Just an update. The day after I posted this I drank 1/4 less than usual and yesterday I drank just under half than usual. Not feeling the need to drink as much but it's still very early days but usually I would wake up and feel anxious and have to drink but I've been up 2 hours already and not felt the need to yet so hopefully this is a step in the right direction. My pains have also gone to almost nothing. Stomach still seems a little upset and anxiety comes and goes in waves but I'm feeling a bit more positive about this. Plus I've saved a fiver lmao.

---------- Post added at 06:55 ---------- Previous post was at 06:53 ----------

Going to try as hard as I can with persevering to cut down and down until I need nothing but I am prepared to acknowledge the possibility of a blip here and there.

[CeeCeeCee]

Hi Midnight, your GP will probably arrange to have tests done at your home if necessary, first step would be to give them a call and ask?