pirategrrrl
07-02-07, 09:54
Hi There
(This is long - sorry, haven't ever posted this personal stuff on the web before)
Just thought I'd post a little about myself. I came across the site last night while trying to find out more about a type of therapy. I'm 38 and have just moved cities and am about to start a new job. Normally any kind of change really upsets me and can make me feel pretty depressed so I'm very glad that this hasn't happened. I used to be the sort of person who would get incredibly, deeply depressed if I went away for the weekend. At some point I made the connection between moving countries when I was 6 (with my mother who was separating from my father) and feeling really bad.
I think I spent my teen years and twenties with low-level depression and then in my late 20's something happened (a combination of things I think including a good relationship, funnily enough) which triggered PTSD symptoms. For about 9 months I probably slept no more than 3-4 hours a night, had obsessive thoughts and felt like I was pannicking ALL the time. There were times when I was in so much anguish/emotional pain, I thought I'd die and wished I could just curl up and disappear. To cut a long story short I participated in support groups, saw a psychologist once a fortnight (when I could afford it), went to a naturopath and took passionflower to help me sleep (it really worked) and St John's Wort (which also worked).
At the end of this worst phase I was left with constant anxiety which has been helped by a breathing technique, but I find that I still have full blown panic attacks in situations where I feel like I can't escape - public transport, meetings, movie theatres, even listening to someone who I can't "get away" from. And I still have alot of associated negative thought patterns, quick to feel guilty, quick to feel down and hopeless....
Anyhow, I feel like, at my age, time is running out to fulfil my potential - and I don't mean to change the world, I just simply mean to be the best I can be within myself and happy with what I can contribute to society...Not being able to be in meetings is crippling..and guess what? Tomorrow I start my new job and need to spend all day in meetings....AND, my one true career desire is to pursue academia - tutorials, meeting with students, meetings with supervisors - yikes!
I rushed out and bought a Claire Weekes book - I didn't know about her til this site last night, and the thought of, at some point, facing my panic and accepting it and going with it freaks me out.
I'll post a separate question about how people deal with meetings, but glad to be on board!
Cheers
pirategrrrl (who doesn't feel anywhere near as brave as the name suggests)
(This is long - sorry, haven't ever posted this personal stuff on the web before)
Just thought I'd post a little about myself. I came across the site last night while trying to find out more about a type of therapy. I'm 38 and have just moved cities and am about to start a new job. Normally any kind of change really upsets me and can make me feel pretty depressed so I'm very glad that this hasn't happened. I used to be the sort of person who would get incredibly, deeply depressed if I went away for the weekend. At some point I made the connection between moving countries when I was 6 (with my mother who was separating from my father) and feeling really bad.
I think I spent my teen years and twenties with low-level depression and then in my late 20's something happened (a combination of things I think including a good relationship, funnily enough) which triggered PTSD symptoms. For about 9 months I probably slept no more than 3-4 hours a night, had obsessive thoughts and felt like I was pannicking ALL the time. There were times when I was in so much anguish/emotional pain, I thought I'd die and wished I could just curl up and disappear. To cut a long story short I participated in support groups, saw a psychologist once a fortnight (when I could afford it), went to a naturopath and took passionflower to help me sleep (it really worked) and St John's Wort (which also worked).
At the end of this worst phase I was left with constant anxiety which has been helped by a breathing technique, but I find that I still have full blown panic attacks in situations where I feel like I can't escape - public transport, meetings, movie theatres, even listening to someone who I can't "get away" from. And I still have alot of associated negative thought patterns, quick to feel guilty, quick to feel down and hopeless....
Anyhow, I feel like, at my age, time is running out to fulfil my potential - and I don't mean to change the world, I just simply mean to be the best I can be within myself and happy with what I can contribute to society...Not being able to be in meetings is crippling..and guess what? Tomorrow I start my new job and need to spend all day in meetings....AND, my one true career desire is to pursue academia - tutorials, meeting with students, meetings with supervisors - yikes!
I rushed out and bought a Claire Weekes book - I didn't know about her til this site last night, and the thought of, at some point, facing my panic and accepting it and going with it freaks me out.
I'll post a separate question about how people deal with meetings, but glad to be on board!
Cheers
pirategrrrl (who doesn't feel anywhere near as brave as the name suggests)