Hello

[topsy]

HI there

This is my first time posting on a forum so please bear with me!

I have been on this site a few times looking at various posts and it has been helpful to find other people with the same experiences i have had.

Just a bit about myself, I have suffered from anxiety and panic since i was a teenager probably even before that - i was a very clingy child! the catalyst for my panic attacks began though when i was a teenager and had a very bad experience - the first and only time - i took drugs. this experience shaped my teenage years causing me to become phobic about drugs and having panic attacks all the time becoming isolated from my old friends. I managed to get through college and university though and eventually got a good job and left home where things got better though still not normal eventually even going on world trip for a year. during this time I came out as Gay to friends and family and started having relationships with me now having been with my partner for two years

Over the past four or so years however my panic attacks have come back mixed with a chronic anxiety and insomnia, brought on by stress and worry. My doctor gave me citalopram about three years ago which changed my life. I had no side effects and literally changed into a 'normal' person overnight. I came off citalopram for the first time fine but went back to them after 6 months after a bad experience. I have since come off citalopram and gone back onto it about 3 times with me at the moment trying again to be drug free.

My partner detests anti depressants although is supportive of me and would rather me see a counsellor. After admitting my problems to him early in our relationship i agreed but found I couldnt cope until the appointment with the therapist came through, so I continued my medication in secret. I stopped citalopram again in a last ditch effort to stop lying an be free about 1 month ago and have been fine, but after a recent holiday where i didnt get much sleep - a trigger has gone off again and i am now sleepless 3 nights and counting. I dont want to be on drugs for the rest of my life but cant see another way.

Thanks for listening

Mat :D

[Karen]

Hi Mat

Welcome to the forum and I am pleased you are already finding it helpful reading other posts and realising you are not alone.

You might like to have a read through the following information as a place to start:

First Steps (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/default.asp?t=cms&c=firststeps)

The decision whether to take medication is a personal one. People can and do recover without medication , whereas others find it helps them on their way. Is there a particular reason why your partner is so against antidepressant medication?

It is good that you are on a waiting list to see a counsellor. Were you given any idea of the length of the waiting list?

The use of drugs is an increasing contributing factor to anxiety and panic and these posts might be helpful:

pls dnt judge.but did taking drugs contribute?? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2426)
Screwed myself up using drugs (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5333)
advice on mixing citalopram and ecstasy (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4824)

A useful alternative to medication for some people can be hypnosis. I have social phobia and had great benefit from hypnotherapy.

You might like to consider the Overcome Fear and Anxiety (http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/downloads/phobias_fears/anxiety_fear.html?1388) and/or the Cure Insomnia (http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/downloads/hypnotherapy/cure-insomnia.html?1388) hypnosis downloads.

There is a wealth of information on this website and in other posts that I hope you will find helpful.

You will find a lot of help and support here.


Karen


Why does my heart go on beating?
Why do these eyes of mine cry?
Dont they know its the end of the world?
It ended when you said goodbye

[rosebud]

Hi Mat

Welcome to the forum.
You will get lots of help and advice here.
Traceyxxx

[honeybee3939]

Hi Mat

And a BIG warm welcome to you, lovely to see you here im sure you will get some great advice while making new friends on the way.:D

Love

Andrea
xxx

"If you have a worry turn it into a problem, you cant solve worrys but you can solve problems"

[sal]

Hi Mat

So pleased you have posted. It is so hard when others who love you cant understand. It isnt because they dont care but its simply that they have never been there. I refuced medication so many times but then one day thought i have to try something as cant carry on like i was. Citlopram helped me so much and i am still on it after 3 years and have just reduced my dose from 60mg to 40mg. You both need to discuss this hun, if you had diabetes would he hate you having insulin, no off course not.

Its the unknown that scare people but at the end of the day its a medical condition and if it wasnt there wouldnt be treatment.

Sorry if i have come across harsh but i have had this issue so many times and i just want people to understand it is an illness like any other people suffer and medication is there to help us overcome it.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

[sandlin]

hi

welcome. you need to do whats best for you-it is very difficult for people who hav,nt experienced things to begin to even understand how you feel, so be patient.


Linda xx

[trac67]

Hi Mat,

Welcome to the forum, you will get a lot of good advice here and make some new friends.

Take care

Trac xx

'Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain'

[ceecee]

hi mat
welcome to the forum!
take care
rach x

[wobily_lin]

elo,

A warm welcome to the site..great support n advice here.x

Take care,
Lin xxx
"Fear is dat lil darkroom, wer negatives r developed", so positive thoughts okies!!!!!

[topsy]

Hi all

Thanks for the encouragement and special thanks to Sal & Karen. Good to read the other posts that relate similar to me. I have decided to take citalopram again for time being as I am just so tired I need to get back on an even keel. I am chasing up the therapist and will do some therapy in conjunction with the meds. As for talking to my partner again I think I will leave the discussion until I am feeling a bit less zombified....

I am downloading the hypnosis though and will definitely give it a try - I have always been a bit wary of hypnotism as being a self confessed control freak I have not been keen on 'subliminal messaging'! I think I am willing to try almost anything now though!

Cheers and hope to speak again on the site soon.

Mat[8D]

[sarah1984]

Hi Mat and welcome,

While I appreciate you don't want to be on meds for the rest of your life, it sounds as if the citalopram is really helping you. It's a shame your partner doesn't see eye to eye on this issue, though I don't see why you should have to hide your meds away. (lol-reminds me of my mum, I have to hide my Pro-plus from her, as she hates me taking them!) Perhaps you could meet him half-way and investigate counselling or some form of CBT? While meds can be a great help, they can often mask the underlying cause, and I'm sure it could be really useful for you to tackle the source of your problems. You could also investigate some natural remedies like Kava Kava and Kalms which are great for anxiety and don't have the difficult withdrawal symptoms that prescription meds bring. It sounds as if you've been through some difficult times and had to be really brave-I'm sure it's not easy coming to terms with your sexuality and coming out to your folks.
All the best,
Sarah

[manmoor]

Hi Mat,

A big warm welcome to you.

"When There Was Only One It Was Then That I Carried You."

[nomorepanic]

Hi Mat

A warm welcome aboard.

Hope we can be of some help to you.

Nicola

People will forget what you said
People will forget what you did
But people will never forget how you made them feel