please help (new here)

[katieannmarie]

hi

for past few days i have been feeling churning stomach and jelly legs..crying spells and racing heart..

I came of my AD few months ago an then i started sleeping too much an become irritable, not ideal when i have a 4 year old, (single parent) im 27..

i decided to go back on them an since i have had symptoms, although i have had a bit to deal with lately..

my mam who lives near me an we are very close has recently split with her partner (dave) an moved a french guy in the next day whom she been talking online to for 1 year.. this made me have anciety an the fact that dave was so close to riley my son, he keeps crying an asking for grandad, he was close with him coz his father isnt allowed contact coz hes violent an social servies have adcvised me to disallow contact, this made me feel guilty an brought on more anxiety..

i keep crying an rang samaritans, i had a panic attack on the phone, i snapped at my little boy and this made me feel guilty an i cut my thighs with a razor not deep but i did, to punish myself, my mam has had cancer twice an i worry about her health all time, an how i would cope without her, my real dad i have never seen, its just me an riley an i feel gulty coz he has not got much family, an now dave has gone i feel worse, i have few friends an a cousin im close too but she is with a controlling man an he doesnt like us talking, i have another friend but she only wants me to go out drinking an not for coffee even though we live close, i feel they is somet wrong with me,

i was at college an met some friends but that was ruined by my ex coz he became friends with them all, an that made it difficult, so i quit, my ex was violent to me an tried gouging my eyes out in front of my son, my eyes was all bruised an cut, my ex says if don't let him see riley he will kill my mother an pour acid in her face, i feel so bad, an constant guilt,

its like im scared to get close to people coz i scared that if i dont see them anymore i will feel alone,

right now i have churning stomach an cold sweaty feet, an lump in throat like im going to cry, im scared ive not eaten in 3 days an i havent been this bad before, having my son is making me guilty coz i want to be a happy mum,

xxx:sad:

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi and welcome to NMP :welcome:

I really think you should report what your ex has said to the police. That is a serious threat. It will also add further evidence to the obviously good advice that Social Services have given you.

I also really think you need to speak to your GP for support. Does he/she know that you self harm? Is this the first time? Have you had any therapy to help you with your mental health? Are there any local support groups or charities for people in your situation?

[katieannmarie]

i have cut my wrists when i was 20 due to miscarriages an told i couldnt have children, but not since then...

i think i will chat to my counsellor again, she helped me, i feel so scared that i wont feel better, thats causing me anxiety,

i think i have GAD, not sure, just wish i had more support, feel so alone,

xx

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yes, please talk to your counsellor about this and any help that is open to you. Sometimes just being able to get it out to someone who will listen helps.

If you have gone back on the meds in the last 4-6 weeks, it could be side effects making you feel more anxious or depressed too. This is really common but it will pass as you will have found it did the last time you went on them.

Well, you have joined this forum so people on here will give you support and there are a lot of very supportive & knowledgeable people around here. There may be some who understand the pressure that have been on you with the domestic abuse and I know there is an ex police officer (SarahH) who has worked in domestic violence teams so may spot your threads.

The fact you havent self harmed in 7 years is good. If you feel you could do that again or that things are getting harder to resist self harm, then please talk to someone even The Samaritans as you did just so you are not alone feeling trapped because we can often struggle to see how things could be better when we are going through these intense stages but it really can get better.

It must be hard feeling isolated and being a single parent. It's only natural to be concerned for your mum but I'm sure that given she had been talking for a year, she must have felt ready to make such a change. Just be there for her, I guess and see how it goes. She may decide the relationship is not what she thought and boot him out but eitherway I'm sure she will always be there for you both. I think anyone would worry about their parents when they have gone through something like cancer and twice must make it seem harder but I'm sure her GP will be keeping an eye and advising her on what to look out for and she could easily live a full & happy life which is what is best to concentrate on. It must be hard for your son missing his granddad but kids are often tougher than we realise and in time he will get through it, he's still got his mum & grandma.

[katieannmarie]

thank you for making me see the positives...

yes i feel more anxious than depressed were as i usually feel down and not so anxious, i have never experienced the stomach churning or loss of appetite as much as this so im thinking must the meds..

just coming on here an looking through to see how other people feel is helping xxx