Feel like anxiety is going to ruin my life...

[sara465]

I will start off saying I'm only 13 in 8th grade (kinda...) and I have not been diagnosed with anxiety or a panic disorder, though I am planning to go to a doctor sometime this week. I am also new to this website. Here is what happened:
I moved to a new state about 4 months ago and everything was fine for a while except for the fact that I was dreading starting school again. Everything was fine until a couple days before school started. My mom and I went cloths shopping at the mall. We walked into a store and I was fine for about 5 minutes, but then I started to feel a little bit shaky and nauseous. I thought to myself, "I should just go sit down somewhere for a little bit and it will go away.." so I told my mom I was going to try on cloths in the fitting room. I sat there for a while and only felt worse, like I was going to throw up. My heart was racing and I kept having hot flashes, while my legs were so shaky I couldn't stand up. I tried breathing in and out, counting to 4, drinking water, and trying to calm myself down. I began to panic, so I called my mom and said we need to go home. My legs began to do this weird twitching thing... like I couldn't sit still. My whole body just felt so weird, almost like a jittery feeling. We finally went home and I did some research and figured that it was a panic attack from all the stress of dreading school. At this point, I was terrified. I was worried it would happen at school. The next day, I went back to the mall because I still needed some new cloths. I stayed for longer and pushed through the nauseous feeling, but still had to go home earlier then I would've liked. This time though, no jittery shaky feeling.

The next day was the first day of school, and I basically spent the whole day crying and refused to go. I begged to do online school or home school but my parents wouldn't let me. The day after that, I still wouldn't go, but my parents forced me to at least go to the last period of the day. I got to school and sat in the class for about 10 minutes thinking things along the lines of, "Don't feel sick. Everyone is nice! You're doing fine!" I had to call to go home... The nurse said my temp was a bit over normal and told me not to come the next day (which was Friday), then sent me home. I felt like I was going to throw up. I can't even go to the store or get in the car anymore without feeling sick. My parents think I'm just using excuses to not have to go to school and just stay locked in my room. They might force me to go to school again... I am so scared. How am I supposed to live a normal life if I can't even go to the store?!

My parents also are telling me that if I go to online school, I am running away from the fear. And that when I start school next year (freshman year of high school) it will be the same thing all over again. I know that they are right, but if I go to school I will just be sick and have to go home every single day. I know that by thinking that to myself it will make it worse. I don't know what to do... how will I go to high school, how do I go to college, how can I get a job?! It is Sunday now and I spent the whole weekend feeling hopeless and wanting to die. I don't know what to do

[23fish]

Have a look at At Last a Life, by Paul David. It has some really sensible advice. Claire Weekes' books are a bit old fashioned but brilliant for helping with panic attacks. It's not easy, but the best thing you can do is try to go to school. My son has had the same problem and the school have been brilliant. They have helped him by telling him it's more important to get in and be there than attend all the lessons, so he eased back in gently by working a couple of hours in the library or going to one lesson only. Your school will want you to feel better and there will be someone you can go to if you feel bad. Have you talked to anyone at school? Maybe you could meet them with your parents and make a plan, so everyone knows how to support you. It will get better x

[Pepperpot]

Aww. You need to start off by showing your parents you'd post on here. Maybe if they see it written on a forum it will sink in and they'll realise you're not making this up. Please don't feel like you're hopeless; you have the rest of your life ahead of you and it would be a shame to waste it just cos you're going through a temporary setback ( that's all this is; temporary). Don't put pressure on yourself by thinking too far ahead (you said how will you go to college and get a job), just focus on the present.

Ok so if I'm reading this right, you've been to school for a few months and it's actually ok, but you hate going? Is that right? X

[.Poppy.]

Trust me, school at your age is so much harder to adapt to.

I've had anxiety for a very long time, but when I was in 8th grade I had to change my schedule completely halfway through the year and it made me very anxious as well. I didn't move (I don't know if I ever could have handled that!) but I was in classes with people I didn't know very well and it was very difficult.

The thing is, as you get older, meeting people -- or not meeting people -- becomes easier. By the time college comes around, you may make friends in classes or in clubs but it's a more independent experience so it's totally okay to just show up to class, duck out if you need a break, and then go home. That pressure isn't there to be social and it helps tremendously.

Do you know the nurse at your new school by any chance? I've found that most school nurses are pretty nice and understanding :) Maybe you and your parents can go talk to her and tell her that you're very anxious about starting your new school and that you've been having panic attacks. You could set up a system where at the end of each period you could check in with the nurse, and if need be, you could sit down and decompress and/or call or text your mom or dad if you think it would make you feel better. If the nurse doesn't work, the counselor would also be a fantastic choice.

If it's really bad, they can also get the teachers involved and if you feel a panic attack coming on in class, you could have permission to just slip out and head to the nurse to calm down and go from there. When I was in middle school, I had a similar protocol set up but for my migraines.

I think once you go a few times and become familiar with the school and your schedule, and make some friends, it will become much easier. I also think that in the long run, as long as you're not anxious all the time, you'll be happier you went to school and made memories that will last. It's just moving is hard, and you're at a challenging age anyway, so it's totally understandable you'd need an adjustment period.

((Hugs))

[sial72]

Hi, I agree about talking about it to somebody at school so that you will feel more comfortable.
Remember all your physical feelings are created by your thoughts, because you do not want to go to school your body is acting on your thoughts. If you can change your thoughts to, I'll go to school and see how it goes...you body will loosen up.
You are very aware of what is happening to you and that is great because then you can do something about it.
Good luck, you will be fine!!!