View Full Version : My Benzo WD diary
So 2 years ago I was put on Lorazepam 2mg daily but eventually it had no effect on me, so I started taking more than prescribed and was switched to Diazepam 2x5mg daily for only 4 weeks before stopping benzo's altogether. I have been totally benzo free a week now and so far have been OK...off it and not sleeping but not gone through hell as yet! (I pray I don't).
My gp has given me Propananol 40mg x 3 times a day to help (Beta blocker).
I didn't take any last night before bed so have had the worst anxiety yet this morning but slept till 5am from 10pm. It's finally starting to wear off but I just feel generally yuck! But as I have said not absolutely terrible yet. I was on Mirtazapine for 8 months and when I came off that I had my head down the toilet every single day for three weeks the wd was so bad. So this has been so much easier so far. My gp says the actual benzo will physically be out of my blood stream now but I need to get over the mental dependence. I am making sure I just keep my mind as busy as possible so I don;t think too much about it all.
Woke up at 5am again today from half 10 last night so not bad. But feel totally low and anxious. Also feel quite sick but now I am up, I am starting to come round a bit. This is horrible though and I just wish it was night time again so I could go to sleep. I don't know if the beta-blocker is helping or not as last time I came off Lorazepam and Diazepam I had been on it a lot shorter length of time and tapered so slowly I just felt normal.
I was talking to my ex last night who stopped Klonopin quite rapidly and he says every day starts to get better. I'm praying.
Well today has been the worst morning so far. I have been awake since 3am and though I have taken Propranalol I am totally panicky so have got up and just trying to keep my mind occupied hoping this will settle soon. I was going to go out for a walk but it it is pouring it down. This has to be peaking now hopefully. I read yesterday most people have the worst effects in the first 3 weeks off a benzo then start feeling better. Praying so as this isn't nice at all. I am almost tempted to go back to my doctor and ask him to let me do a slower taper but I have come this far so will just carry on now.
It's almost 10am and I feel much better now, still not normal but butterflies have gone away now and terrible shaky anxious feeling. I've had a few bad heads too and a bit of an upset tummy needing the toilet. A little hot and cold flushing too during night. Oh and food all tastes weird though I am managing to eat fine. I think I can do this though!!!!! 7 days off now after at one point taking up to 6omg equiv of Diazepam of Lorazepam, some days non at all though as I did not have any anxiety for a year being prescribed 2mg daily. The short Diazepam crossover I did didn't help at all, Diazepam just doesn't touch me. But I am so so glad I have taken this step after two years and will be free of these evil drugs.
Day 8
Slept well or didn't wake up till 5am from 10pm which is a huge improvement on the night before. Feeling very anxious right now but mood good. Just hope this anxiety passes quickly, have take Propranalol.
Day 9
Had a good day all in all yesterday and felt great by 4pm but only slept until 2am and currently feel ever so panicky. Just want it to die down. I have an appointment today to see a counsellor and then another one especially for benzo withdrawal next week. I'm really nervous about going though to my appointment today which is crazy as I have met her before and she is so so nice. I am hoping this does not get any worse than it is. The waking up so early is a killer as I now have to try to stay awake until at least 10pm tonight hoping to sleep.
DAY 10
Slept okish, woke up at 4 and then up by 5.30am feeling weepy and anxious though it's not as bad as yesterday. I just feel more emotional. And want this horrible feeling to pass. I've stuck the tv on and come on my lap top to take my mind off it. Want to eat something to higher my blood sugars but can't face anything yet.
Yesterday I got signed up for some acupuncture sessions and a mindfulness course. My dad took me for my appointment and wanted to call and do his weekly grocery shop afterwards but I couldn't face it at all. It feels like I have totally lost my confidence to move away from this house unless I have to.
---------- Post added at 06:03 ---------- Previous post was at 04:51 ----------
PS. Weirdy feeling new symptoms. Buzzing in my brain like tremors. I have had these before when starting up on AD's. It is a strange sensation and I am just trying to keep calm and not worry about it. But hope it doesn't last all day. I just keep telling myself I have suffered with anxiety for 13 years and it has not killed me, so this is just my body reacting to the benzo being gone from my system.
DAY 11
I feel quite bad today but slept until 4am from 11pm. Not brilliant but not terrible. I am real panicky right now and getting intrusive thoughts and hot and cold flashes. My mood is pretty crappy and I feel like crying but can't. I am craving benzos so bad today to take this all away. I also keep getting brain buzzing and ringing in my ears again. Just trying to stay as calm as I can and tell myself this will pass and it's all just part of the wd process. I am not going to die.
DAY 12
Slept 10pm until 5.30am then fell back asleep for an other hour. Feeling a little bit better today all in all as anxiety not as intense. But still far from right yet. I couldn't face going out. But I am a lot calmer inside and not worrying about wd quite as much. I keep worrying that this will get worse not better or I will have wd forever.
Karen, keep going! You are doing well and this won't last forever. I can't believe that you were kept on benzos for so long-your GP should be ashamed of himself
I know, this one doctor was always running almost an hour late so he would just want you in and out. I used to go to him on purpose as I got so addicted I was dreading having to come off. It's been tough but hopefully over soon and I don't think I have post withdrawal syndrome. Or at least I am praying not. When you get well you forget how horrible anxiety really is.
DAY 13
Best sleep yet. Woke up at 6am from 10pm. Was much calmer too but then had a surge of anxiety when I got up and am still fighting it right now but it is calming down now thankfully. Just feel agitated and nervous and my head is zapping. Other than that fine except a bit weepy.
DAY 14
Not a good morning, woke up very early, around half 3 and feel like my anxiety is rocketing through the roof. I feel quite sick too because of it so I'm just telling myself, it is ok, this is just part of the healing. It will pass as the day goes by as I will calm down. I'm a bit more anxious today I think as it's my little boys first day back at school and he's not looking forward to going so I am worrying over him. He'll be fine too.
This benzo wd is not nice at all. My head kills too.
DAY 15
Woke up at 3-30am (groan) and just feel totally anxious but apart from that miles more alert than when on Lorazepam and Diazepam. Just feeling very fed up of feeling like this knowing this could actually go on for a long time. But I have come this far now.
PS.Felt ok from about 11am today and feeling normal right now at almost 6pm. I just dread going to bed and waking up and starting a new day. No other wd effects except for buzzing in my head and ears for about 30 mins each morning.
DAY 14
Well it's half past midnight and I haven't been able to fall asleep tonight despite taking antistamines. I am totally wide awake and trying not to panic. This is the first night I have been like this.
DAY 14 continued
No sleep at all...just could not drop off and feeling super anxious. I took Benadryl antihistamine to help but it just never kicked in at all so I have been up all night wishing I had some Vodka in but glad in another way as it would only make things worse too. I feel terrible right now and hope this eases off as the day goes by.
I have to see my GP today so think I have also built myself up in to a state.
Anxiety is so strange. Last night I was so tempted to go and get a drink even though I don't drink anything other than water and milk as a rule as I have out out all very sugary drinks, coke, coffee and especially alcohol. But my anxiety was so bad I just wanted it to go away. It finally has now and and I feel perfect. Even though I did not sleep a wink all night and watched tv in the lounge as I cannot stand just laying there getting more and more worked up, I was calm once I got an appointment with my usual doctor at 8am. He hasn't made any change to my meds yet as he wants me to wd and see if it was the benzos causing me anxiety symptoms and so I am still on Escitalopram which I have never been able to take just on it's own like I did Celexa/Citalopram. I never needed benzo's after the initial start up period. Not one ad seems to work on me now as I was also on Venlafaxine for a short while, Trazadone and tried Mirtazapine for 8 months but they all failed.
DAY 16
Yey, managed to sleep all night until 6.45 so feel a lot better today. Sleep really is the key to recovery! I am also eating healthy or maninly healthy, lol. I seem to want to eat a lot right now. But I am drinking lots of milk and eating salad and veg and fish.
I still feel rubbish. Tired, headache, yawning lots and my chest is quite tight at the mo but no real anxiety today thankfully compared to other days.
You're winning, Karen. It's a major thing to go through and must be very challenging but every hour's an hour towards getting through the withdrawal
Congratulations, Karen! Please stop to recognize your courage in all of this, and your inner strength, admire the person it turns out you have always been. You've come through the worst of it, very pleased for you!
Me, I had the advantage of a detox centre, so, I couldn't get out and into trouble, but I learned in there that my brain would continue to try to keep the addiction going, and alcohol was one substitute it would try to convince me I should have. Refuse to listen to it. The beast has been knocked out, but mustn't be revived. Don't mind the odd night with short sleep, it'll come back. Your good eating sounds yummy and fulfilling ... It seems the doc was right, it was your addiction to the benzo that had kept your anxiety going. All the best to your doctor and you for proceeding here on out! xx
Marie
Thanks Marie. I know I was deffo totally addicted and panic would come on if I ran low on Lorazepam or Diazepam. So I never felt able to quit before.
DAY 17
I feel so much better today after a full nights sleep. Took some sleep aid with Valerian root in it but was so exhausted I think I would have slept any how. Have mild anxiety, kind of below the surface type but my mood is normal and I could have laid in bed today as I do not feel totally agitated. I am a bit nervous as I have my first appointment with a benzo wd specialist at 10am. I think all in all I am doing ok though and pray I do not have post acute withdrawal syndrome . I found a chart yesterday saying normal benzo wd usually lasts about a month. Pleeeeeeease dear God!!!
Hang in there Karen! xx
Keep us posted ... :D
Good luck with the appointment, Karen
I'm having a really good day :)
bernie1977
07-09-15, 13:32
Only just seen this thread.
Karen you are doing amazing. I've read ex heroin addicts say that benzo withdrawal is harder than heroin withdrawal so be proud of yourself, you're doing amazingly well.
When I withdrew from trazodone I couldn't sleep and the doctor prescribed me an anti histamine called phenergan/promethazine, it zonked me. I'm sure your sleeping pattern will return the more time passes but when you're worn out through lack of sleep it's hard.
Best wishes to you xx
I am full of admiration for you !! I have been on diazepam for approx 15 years & am terrified about trying to come off them. I take 4mg per day however once in a while ie once a month or longer i have a bad day & may take 10mg. I have tried cutting down to 31/2 per day & felt so bad I decided to stay on the 4mg. Well done & don't look back now. :yesyes:
Thank you x
DAY 18
Had a fantastic day yesterday and went shopping for the first time and for a pub meal. However, I couldn't sleep at all and got very panic stricken. I seem to have one good day, one bad day depending on whether I have managed to sleep or not.
You are still doing fantastically well. Just consider what you are doing-withdrawing from a highly addictive drug which you have been freely prescribed by irresponsible GPs. Keep going however you feel-you're many days benzo-free now so you're winning that horrible battle!
You should feel really proud of yourself!
Just seen my GP today as he wants to try & get me off diazepam which I have been taking for many years. I am 60 & terrified of the withdrawal symptoms as suffer from anxiety. I would rather just stay on the 4mg for life !!:scared15:
I've no been off benzo's for a month and though I am not totally better and have chest tightening today, I am so much better than I was and sleeping ok again hopefully any how.
I spoke to a pro yesterday who said he doubts I have protracted acute withdrawal syndrome so I should be ok in a couple of more weeks as each day should get better and better. He said it is normal to get your anxiety symptoms all over again coming off a benzo as your symptoms come back just like why you took the pills in the first place. I am trying to stay totally positive and just look forward to feeling like my old self very soon. I've had a few nasty blips a long the way but this is easier than coming off Mirtazapine which they claim isn't even addictive!
In a few years we will all be informed as to how addictive these drugs are...
You have done so well, Karen. A month benzo-free is huge and by far the hardest bit to go through. You must feel absolutely exhausted though?!
Just tired at the moment and have mild anxiety symptoms. I just hope I sleep tonight.
I just remembered that after a month free of the benzos, it was suggested that I try the old standbys like chamomile tea again. No, they won't knock you out, but they may help you to relax nicely. They did me! xx
Thanks so much hun. I will try that. I've never tried any ever. Did you still get early morning anxiety? I am sleeping ok now (touch wood) but wake up and have butterflies for a while and headache. But everything is so much better now so I am really glad I stuck this out. It's not been all that bad really apart from a couple of really rough days where I felt desperate. When I think of how bad Mirtazapine withdrawal was, this has been nothing in comparison. :roflmao:
Had disturbed sleep last night but managed to drop back off quite quickly. Woke up with usual butterflies which I still have but I have a counselling session at 10am so think I am just nervous more than anything. Crazy as she is so nice but I just find counselling pointless as this is wd and I just have to go with it until it passes. There is absolutely nothing wrong with my life to have anxiety and I am def not depressed any more. But I have to go as I am starting acupuncture sessions with them for free. Roll on 11am when I am home again. :) All in all, I am doing ok now! Sadnomore how long did it take you to go through your wd?
MyNameIsTerry
17-09-15, 07:54
Karen,
You are doing brilliant! Other people will find this thread so useful to see how it could be for them and to not fear it as much. :yesyes:
Sometimes it makes me wonder whether these meds are just worse than the condition when I see things like this and you are one of many. Keep going.
I honestly think they are, Terry. Karen has done/is doing so well-it's such a tough road.
Yes, it's good to hear a positive slant on Valium withdrawal
You are doing so well Karen.
It is difficult, when we are having a bad day.
But, you have to remind yourself of the sx you experienced
And
That you are feeling much better in general without bentos.
When I stopped Valium, I had very stiff and painful shoulders and neck.
A bit like when you tweet your spine and have shooting pains.
My GP said I must've done it in my sleep, but it didn't . It was withdrawal.
It took a month to go. I had brain zaps. I didn't know what they were. I had never suffered from headaches before. I had itchy skin. Thought it was the menopause drying me out. It was withdrawal. I had major flare ups of IBS, which has reduced significantly since stopping benzos.
I am sooo dissapointed in the medical profession that gps, don't know or acknowledge that SOME people to have withdrawals, and some find it very difficult.
I believe too many are told..it's not withdrawal.
Anyway, you seem to be coping with your withdrawal and are keeping positive.
You are also seeing improvements in your sleep etc, so keep reminding yourself of these things and that you are getting better!
Well done you!
Thanks so much :) I'm a bit low today and am supposed to be going to my nephews Birthday (bowling) so worrying a bit as not been out for absolutely ages. It's silly as nothing bad can happen to me. Typically this is the worst day I've had this week but I am probs building myself up.
Slept well again and didn't have much anxiety early this morning but do have very low mood today as I mentioned. Guess this is a bit of a roller coaster still.
You will have lots if good days, and these will remind you, you're getting better and improving every day. Take care x
Thanks. I'm not having a great start to today but hopefully my low mood will go away soon. I'm pretty hormonal right now so that's probs it too. I've also got the start of a cold, grrrr! I think that always effects things. My ears hurt.
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