Have moved away and friends back home not making effort

[GirlAfraid23]

I've recently (around 8 months ago now!) moved away from my family & friends and hometown to live with my long distance boyfriend.

It is, by far, the hardest thing I have ever done.

Things have been going very well living with him but unfortunately thus far I haven't made any friends. I start my job next month so hoping to make a few friends or acquaintances there at least.
I'm also looking at joining groups in the area.

However, the reason for my post is that since moving away, my friends haven't been very active with their communication. At first it was a lot more frequent, however now I have to text/email them first before I hear anything. Occasionally they may not even reply to me for a week or more.
It's really starting to get to me and make feel depressed. I know it'll be better when I start my job and hopefully make some friends but I love my friends from home and I miss them everyday. I know this is my new life now and we are hoping to have a family together in a few years...but it's very difficult to keep things in perspective.

[Oosh]

Can you not do a little visit back to see them before your job starts next month ?
Then while you're there you can rekindle your friendships a bit and tell those ones you trust that you really miss them and were getting very sad when you were losing touch. Try and arrange reasonably regular trips to see them. Or invite them to you on the odd occasion.

It's not nice. I lost touch with everybody I grew up with. Try and keep yourself in their thoughts.

[missgatsby]

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm in the exact same situation (well, probably not EXACT, but...). Moved away from home 2 years ago for boyfriend & job opportunities, lost touch, haven't really made new friends since...

It can be really tough to keep long distance friendships alive. On my last trip back, I realized my closest friends had all of these new friends, and it made me feel really depressed and left out. Definitely try to keep in touch. Use Skype if you can, play games with them, be active on social media... Try to stay up to date about what is going on in their lives, and find commonalities you can share with them. I still send one of my old friends postcards from everywhere I go. If you have a lot of friends back home, it can be draining to try to hold onto them all, especially when you visit and you have a list of people you have to see. Try to keep in contact with your closest friends, though.

Something I'm realizing more and more lately is, if something just isn't staying together, don't hold onto it. It's really sad to lose past relationships, but sometimes it is more painful to be absorbed in a past you can't have then just moving on. Believe me, it's easier said than done... I'm still fighting to move back home... That being said, I've been more open to making new friends when I'm not pining over the old ones.

I hope things get better for you!

[AnxietyDJ]

Unfortunately, I too had the same experience, although in a slightly different way... After the end of a long term relationship, which resulted in me being broke financially due to taking on our apartment and bills on my own, as well as my anx/depression flaring up, I couldn't do much going out to meet up with people, although I did still make the effort to message/email/call my friends. After a little while, I noticed that certain people never bothered with me any more - if I wasn't going to come out for food or drinks then I was a forgotten person to them. It was hurtful, but definitely made me realise who my really good friends were - those who stick by you during the tougher times, as well as when things are going well.

I hope you find some new friends at work - I'm sure you will - and can then not worry so much about those older friends from home... Perhaps they are destined to be people you catch up with once in a while, rather than all the time.

Take care and good luck :)

[.Poppy.]

My friends are in the beginning stages of 'scattering' - we're still good friends, but we're finding our own paths and that has taken some of us farther away.

What we've found helpful are group texts and/or group facebook messages. We aren't always terribly active, but it's nice when I see something funny or have something interesting happen to me, I can post there and all my friends will see it and respond as well.

It helps between times when we can't communicate.

I'm sorry it's rough. You will make friends at your new job! It's just always hard to feel like you're growing away from certain people or that they're growing away from you. Change is hard especially when so much is changing at once.

[GirlAfraid23]

Thanks for all the kind words and advice.

I have a group chat on Facebook with two of my closest friends and they are coming to visit me in November. They've booked tickets already.
I'm going back in October to see them + the others. And like you say, it can be very overwhelming when going back as I feel I have to see everyone at once. And get bombarded with texts and messages then.

I'm trying to organise with one friend coming up here next month, originally she said she would come the last weekend of the month but I haven't heard back from her in two weeks. Despite sending her three or four whatsapp messages asking her what is happening. I know she's seen it too as it comes up as "online" and "seen".

I know everyone is moving on with their lives and its a lot more difficult being away as we can't just meet up for a coffee here and there. Two of my friends are getting married next year, another has a high powered, busy job in London and the other is halfway through starting a new job with more responsibilities. So obviously this makes it harder as there is so much going on.