holding in emotions

[drivememad]

Hi,

I seem to be unable to show emotion a lot of the time I really want to cry, scream, shout be angry. Does holding in these emotions cause the horrible anxiety I suffer? How can I make myself cry...how can I self soothe ?

I am never kind to myself I hate who I am at times, though friends say I am a nice person..i am a people pleaser but sometimes I want to say no!

GP given me AD but too scared to take them,

I feel like I am on a roller coaster inside but on the outside I look normal, I have to be normal so as not to upset my family every day is different anxious one day, ok the next, panic and symptoms...low mood, Then good for a while.

I want to cry..how can I make myself cry? I am sure I will feel better then,

to me anxiety and all its mayhem is a selfish inwards disorder that makes me feel even more rubbish..its all about how I feel! I am ashamed of who I am.

any advice on how I can be kind to myself please ..

[Oosh]

It's not selfish or anything to be ashamed of. You need to change those beliefs right away.

Anxiety is struggling with how you feel and getting locked in a style of thinking trying to somehow fix it and find what's wrong. But the style of thinking itself creates an anxious mood so you go round in circles. It's in no way selfish, to me.
Self absorbed maybe, as you over analyse yourself and things and self monitor.

Change your mood by seeing it in your mind. What would you find a sad scenario ? A caring person coming upon hard times and suffering ? How sad that that should happen. Only if they could be helped. It's not fair that sad things happen to good people. Fill in the gaps, make yourself feel sad and shed a tear. You just have to trigger what triggers those emotions. But you're not going to do that if you're carrying around mood depressing beliefs about yourself and who you are.

Anxiety can be numbing too. Try and get your mind off the subject of anxiety and "what's wrong". Put it on external subjects and get a bit of exercise, enjoyment, stimulation.
Write down your problems in a linear fashion from start to a conclusion and then put it away. When you remember the problem remember the solution you came to. That way you're not always going over the same ground and creating the same mood.

[drivememad]

Thank you so much Oosh I will deffinately be taking what you say onboard.

Today has been my worst day by far I have taken to my bed and don't want to get up yet. My son has made me a nice cup of tea love him... I hope its just a blip I have been working so hard to get well.. But the linear exercise sounds good you have given me some good things to try and I even hadca little weep that someone cared to reply to me...

Thank you you are a kind person.

[fallingstar]

Hi,

I seem to be unable to show emotion a lot of the time I really want to cry, scream, shout be angry. Does holding in these emotions cause the horrible anxiety I suffer? How can I make myself cry...how can I self soothe ?

I am never kind to myself I hate who I am at times, though friends say I am a nice person..i am a people pleaser but sometimes I want to say no!

GP given me AD but too scared to take them,

I feel like I am on a roller coaster inside but on the outside I look normal, I have to be normal so as not to upset my family every day is different anxious one day, ok the next, panic and symptoms...low mood, Then good for a while.

I want to cry..how can I make myself cry? I am sure I will feel better then,

to me anxiety and all its mayhem is a selfish inwards disorder that makes me feel even more rubbish..its all about how I feel! I am ashamed of who I am.

any advice on how I can be kind to myself please ..

Sometimes I can go a week without showing any emotion of how I really feel; stressed, angry etc. I'm not an angry person and I'm not a screamer so I can't relate to that.

Towards others I can show many emotions - all of them being true and my own but one thing I don't show well are my inner emotions of how I'm feeling anxiety wise. Like if I want to cry, I don't show that to others.
On the outside I can be totally fine and patients at my job and coworkers may not even notice that I've been having an internal emotional battle for about a week. A lot of people I've known over the years made my panic disorder out to be a joke. They said I appeared normal and happy. Keyword; appeared.
I am truly happy these days - my living situation, my daughter, who I'm with and I'm even starting to be okay with myself slowly but surely. I don't have the body image issues I had before so that's a start. I'm even starting to embrace my anxiety - telling it at times to do it's worst - that I'm ready for it. Can't say the same about the health anxiety portion of it however.

It's amazing how people can have inner things going on and hide it so well. My advice here is if you need to shout scream cry or just voice something, do it. Don't hold back. Holding things in won't kill you or make you worse but it's no fun. I am a very blunt person by nature so hiding any real emotions for me is a challenge. Anxiety I do hide when I'm out and about in the real world but that's it. It would be more effort for me to hide the crying or the hyperventilation. I just let it happen. I cried a couple times in the lab at work last week in fact. Was it embarrassing yes. Did I feel better yes.

I can go a week without crying, or laughing - just being numb. Then I usually have a good cry feel better and back to square one.
I've been good lately though. I'll tell you though - there's no way to make yourself cry - it just happens when it happens. Laughing does help though so maybe try out a funny film and sit back with some tea - or some popcorn!

Best of luck to you!

[drivememad]

Thank you Falling star I can relate to what you say....I wish I was brave to tell people how I feel, but I am normally tuned into others and how they feel ,seems to be more important to me... I have very little voice in anything really, I easily get shouted down and then doubt my opinions on anything.

think I need some sort of assertiveness help!

[sial72]

Totally understand you Drivememad...a way to cry? Watching sad films. I need to cry to feel better and my therapist recently told me to watch that Richard Gere one about the real story of that dog in Japan and also one called The Intouchables...xxx

[fallingstar]

Thank you Falling star I can relate to what you say....I wish I was brave to tell people how I feel, but I am normally tuned into others and how they feel ,seems to be more important to me... I have very little voice in anything really, I easily get shouted down and then doubt my opinions on anything.

think I need some sort of assertiveness help!

No problem! :D

And hey, you'll be brave eventually I'm sure. I used to be in my little shell as I like to call it. I actually got severely bullied up into high school - from about 7 until I was 15. At 15 I pretty much snapped at school one day and really let my words, emotions and anger fly out. Well, it worked. I'm not saying get angry or lose it on people obviously. In my case, it's what needed to happen; bullies basically stayed away because they thought I was nuts, plus I voiced myself loudly on what I wouldn't take from them anymore. I basically said "do your best, I'm done I've had it"... took out a couple of lockers in the process shhhhhh lol. With my not taking the bullying anymore and new supportive friends and me being louder, I started coming out of my shell after that, getting blunt, not caring what others said. I was really shy and took all of the insults and hurtful comments until I was 15 so about 8 years of my life. Having that bullying in my life made me want to speak up - made me want to be honest with myself and others - it made me stand up for others and to want to help support others. I am also very tuned into others as you said you were. I tended to stand up for others after my experiences or just sit there and listen if someone needed to vent or needed help.

Don't let people shout you down and then make you doubt yourself. I may not always be 100% right and I may not always fully trust myself but I do believe in myself 100% to at least try my hardest whether it be with anxiety or just general day to day things. Try to be less hard on yourself - I try everyday - I'm still not 100% but I try. It's a long road I think to being completely happy with yourself both inside and out is the best thing you can achieve... but when you get there or almost or partially get there even - it's a great feeling.... may even lessen any anxiety you have. Being assertive and being loud and heard takes some practice. I swear I've made an ass out of myself on quite a few occasions but I always laughed about it afterwards.

Hope at least some of this made sense and wasn't just a bunch of rambling. I do tend to ramble on occasion!

[23tana]

Crying? What's that? I wish I could.

Sometimes I feel so angry I could totally destroy the room I'm standing in.

I don't do either, but I know that not being able to has contributed to my illness now. I think my inability to show emotion comes from my childhood and the way my father treated me. It was safer not to show emotion than face the beatings. It's like I'm still protecting the little child inside me and reducing the risks that I will be harmed now.

Are you perhaps carrying anything from years ago that you could get help to deal with? I think once the emotional dam breaks, you'd feel a lot better.

[drivememad]

Well I did manage to have a bit of a cry yesterday but have woken feeling a bit better! Maybe it is a thing from years ago causing me to not cry easily.

I have friends that can easily cry and they hate it...

I think with me I hold in all my emotions as not to embarrass myself or others its easy to let others have their own way rather than voice my feelings ...I feel this has to change ...its makes me feel worthless in a way, not sure how I am going to do this.

Thank you to everyone that replied to me I feel today is going to be a better day and I truely hope you are all going to have one too.