Think I have an O.C.D

[buffy669]

Since I have been suffering from Panic attacks and anxiety I have done this counting thing on my fingers. I have to do it a certain way and no matter where I am I have to do it!! From being out in the shops to being sat at home watching tv.

For example: When someone is talking to me, I listen to what they say then I count the letters in the words on my fingers but it has to add up to 15. SO if someone said:

<center></center>"Hello Buffy how are you?"

I'd have to alter that to make it fifteen letters long, so I'd change it to something like:

<center></center>"Hello Buffy, you ok?"

I obviously don't say this out loud, it is all done in my head and no one can tell that I am doing it!

As I have been doing this for so long I now know what adds up to fifteen letters almost immediately, and its driving me crazy!! I realise that I do it is a coping strategy as it takes my mind off ahving a panic attack but its still annoying!

Is this an O.C.D? And is there anything I can do to stop it? I have tried but a lot of the time I don't realise I am doing it!!

Thanks for reading this

Buffy xx

[Elle]

Well you certainly have the compulsion but I think what you have to consider is how much of your time this is taking up. Is it severely disruptive? Do you do it all the time? Does it continue throughout an entire conversation or, say, a whole film on the TV? How much does it bother you?

Lots of people have little obsessions and so long as they stay little then their lives can probably be quite normal. It's when the obsessions and compulsions begin to eat into their lives that they have a problem that maybe they should deal with. Is counting the only thing you do or are there other things that you do but wish you didn't?

I'm curious, why did you choose fifteen?

Elle

[buffy669]

Thank you Elle for reading this and replying.

Whenever I have a conversation I do it constantly and I find it hard to concentrate on what people are talking to me about as I'm concentrating on counting so I don't have a panic attack!! It doesn't really bother me but I have been called "Ignorant" by a few people!!! But its not that I don't want to listen to someone talking its just I don't want to have a panic attack!

However when I am on my own and I do it, I think it has become more habit than anything. So if I'm concentrating on counting I don't think about panic!

And I really don't know why it has to be fifteen!!? It makes me laugh when I think about it! I think its just my silly little way of coping!!

[Elle]

I think your key words there are, it makes me laugh. You know it's a daft thing to do. When I've done daft things and plucked up the courage to tell someone (my husband), the telling of it has made me cringe. I think that cringe is a better way of describing it, rather than makes me laugh. Knowing that it's silly and expressing it, I think, can help because it kind of gets it into perspective. It's all about breaking these little bad habits and in your case it's obviously one that's long established.

I don't have the cure but I'm sure that there are various topics and suggestions on this site regarding how to help yourself if you want to. I'm sure that it can be dealt with and conquered. Your problem clearly interferes with normal life which can't be good. I've mentioned this book before, it's very good. 'Tormenting thoughts and secret rituals' by Ian Osborn. It might help you but there are many others out there.

Knowing that you are just one of very many also helps. Everybody has unwelcome thoughts but most can switch them off. In others, unfortunately, that confounded loop starts up. It can be broken though, I'm sure of that. And also tackling that anxiety of yours surely has to be addressed too.

Elle