How many of you with Social phobia work?

[WILL0W]

Hi all,

How many of you either find work difficult or feel unable to work due to your social phobia?

I am stuck in a rut and feel a bit down. I work a couple of days a week as a home help. I haven't moved forward for some years. Largely due to not knowing how I'm going to be from one day to the next with social anxiety and severe blotchy blushing.

I recently did a course and passed my exams so I could now go forward in this therapy but part of me is not sure that it is what I want, it would mean being self-employed and promoting myself etc etc I feel foolish as I wonder in a way whether working in a quiet office or something would be more suitable for me and less stressful, but now people I know keep asking me when I am going to start doing my therapy work and my inlaws and parents ask when am I going to learn to drive etc.. I know these are issues I should have been dealing with at 16 not now..

I was ill when I was younger and never learnt to drive. If I am self-employed this would be something I would have to do. Driving lessons would be hard for me because of my social anxiety and financially. So I am thinking of trying to get a job working a few more hours which might build up my self respect but interviews are another problem for me and waves of anxiety can hit me at any moment in social situations without warning.

I am 31 married with no kids, rent a flat, my husband works full time and is a hard worker. I know people think life should be easy for me no kids etc! So I feel guilty that I am so pathetic.

just needed to air my feelings sorry..

would love to hear if you have similar feelings

Willow.

[yorkylover]

Hi willow,Im very similar.I used to have a day job in a care home.I love it there.Then it closed and since I have not managed to go for another job because of my anxiety and social phobia.I do have an evening cleaning job,but I have been there along time.
I have tried also to learn to drive with my partner,and Im pretty good,but havent got the confidence to take proper lessons and do my test.:(:(
Dont feel pathetic,we have an illness and we will get better.:)
I know just how you feel.

Ellen XX

[Melina]

Hi Willow,
I left my full time job a few months ago because of social anxiety. I'm trying to build my confidence up again gradually by doing a few hours a week volunteering work initially, building up to part-time and then hopefully being able to do full-time again at some point.
Its odd, because my previous full time job was highly social (lots of meetings, after work drinks, socialising with clients etc) but when anxiety suddenly struck me, it was impossible to go out with colleagues, extremely difficult to talk in meetings, I really struggled and was very paranoid in any social situation.

Good luck and sure if you take it step by step you will build your confidence back up again. I'm learning that avoidance is not the answer, so you are at doing the right thing!

Melina
xx

[pamella]

please dont ever think u r pathic, u hav a few problems that all.but none of us r perfect. i had to giv up work because of my anixety so i do understand.the last thing u need is more pressure so my advice would be to check everything out first and make a list, for and against.then talk it over with hubby and thne decide what wood be best for u.

pjrobb

[WILL0W]

Thank you all so much for your replies.

You all were very encouraging and understanding. After talking to my husband I am going to apply for a provisional driving license so that I can get comfortable with some aspects of driving with him.

I'll keep looking in the local job section in the paper. I always shy off when they use "confident" , "outgoing" etc, in the description of what they want, a lot of them seem to use those descriptives. Of course "must be able to drive" is a prob for me too..

Do any of you have friends that are supportive and understanding? I'm lucky that generally my husband is. I know some people think I'm strange for finding things hard so I tend not to bother discussing feelings with them.

How are you all coping?
best wishes
Willow.x

[Melina]

Hi Willow
I have been coping much better since I found this site a few months ago. Talking to people here, who live through the same things that you do, is for me great therapy. I feel much better than I did a few months ago, more rational and I see things clearer now. Still trying to continue to take small steps forward

[WILL0W]

Hi Melina,

Glad you are making progress. Its strange how anxiety can take hold out of us out of the blue isn't it. It must of been very tough for you after living such a social life.

I know a lot can be put down to thoughts etc but it is strange how we cope and then can't handle the very same situations.

best wishes with your continued progress
Willow.x

[Melina]

Many Thanks for your words of support Willow, best of luck to you too!

[Brandy snap]

Hi Willow and everone,

I can relate to what you all say. I wasn't able to work for years after the children left home because of anxiety and panic attacks. I also felt I had to have come off the pills before I dare even think about working, because if I started a job then started withdrawal I might be ill at work in front of everyone. Then I started doing secretarial work from home after placing a few advertisements. I find that people's voices dictating on my audio machine distracts me and I seldom have a panic whilst working. Also my self esteem went up because I was contributing financially. Then seven years ago I plucked up the courage to apply for a part time job locally in a very small company just two days a week. I didn't come off the pills beforehand and still haven't (tried unsuccessfully years ago more than once) but I am so pleased I got this job. I still do the home working but really look forward to my new safe place at the small company. It is like a second home. My husband drops me off and I walk home so don't need puiblic transport. I can walk both ways if necessary. About the driving, I passed my test in 1971 and have only been out 12 times. We then moved to a much busier place, the anxiety started following being kept on tranquillisers too long after a fire in a hospital and I never drove again. I plucked up the courage to have refresher lessons but couldn't take the final step of driving on my own. Scared of roundabouts, people behind me, parking and people hooting because I'm too slow. We also live by a corner which is difficult to see round to get out of which doesn't help. If I was the only person on the road I could physically make the car go - it's the other people that scare me.

Love Brandy Snap xx

[Brandy snap]

I forgot to say I am only 5' 2" and feel as if I can't see the road properly over the steering wheel. If I sit on a cushion I feel as if the steering wheel is too close to my legs. Brandy Snap

[WILL0W]

Hi Brandy Snap,

Well Done on all the progress you have made. It was really encouraging to read. It gave me hope in my aim to get more work.

take care of yourself,

Willow.x