Feelings

[kim!!]

Hi everyone haven't been on here for awhile but just wanted to write how I'm feeling every day?
Every morning I wake up feeling depressed feel like a waste of space its not a life I'm just here on earth to be miserable? Iv made mistakes in my relationship that I wish I could change but can't, I despise myself feel fat an ugly my friends seem to have vanished every time I mention to my family how I feel they don't wanna hear it its the same thing they say pull yourself together think positive I'm sick of hearing it I wish it was that easy?
I have two beautiful kids but because the way I feel I just can't be botherd to do anything with them all I seem to do is snap at them an my partner an its not there fault I cry all the time because I feel so horrible an guilty!
I'm scared to say how I really feel in case they say I can't look after my kids an take them away from me that would just be the end for me!

[Carnation]

Hun, do you think you may be letting the past and your decisions affect your present emotions? Past is past and we can't change that. I have made mistakes but in the end, it actually turned out better for me. There's a saying; 'Things happen for a reason'. It may be your destiny.
Depression is one of the hardest things to cope with and control. It especially affects your confidence and you end up feeling so alone.
Well, you are not. You are on here for one thing. But, you may need a few sessions with a Therapist to get your self back on track and to re-build your confidence.
Another thing is that when we are feeling low, we tend to blame ourselves for mistakes and disappointments in Life.
I have to remind you that you state you have two beautiful children. That is something to be proud of and give you a purpose.
I don't know your history or situation, but you also need to do something for you.
and if your friends have vanished, then they are shallow and not worth keeping anyway. Can you maybe do some charity work to meet new people. Maybe you need a change and a new direction. :hugs:

P.S. If you want to cry, then do so. My Therapist says it is good for you rather then keeping it bottled up all of the time.

[kim!!]

Hi yeah your right I think I do think of the past I hate myself for what iv done its nothing drastic but feel a really horrible person! I don't know if I'm in the right relationship iv been with him nine years but I don't know if its the depression what's making me feel like this?
I can't think straight my memory is rubbish!
I want to see a therapist but I don't want to tell them the truth because I don't want to be judged I know they say there not there to judge but they do? I'm not a horrible person iv just made mistakes nobody's perfect right? Its just eating me up inside I never have any money to buy the kids nice things an it really hurts me when I see other kids with new stuff an I know that I can't afford to buy mine anything! I cry all the time!
Thanks for writing back

[Carnation]

It sounds like you have many doubts Kim.
OK. So, you DO want to see a Therapist. That is Positive.
No, they won't judge you and they keep everything private.
Whatever it is, if you carry it around with you, you are carrying around pain.
This will be one reason that you are crying, another is because of the way you feel about everything and another is because you have lost confidence and feel unworthy.
I can see that with just two posts.
You can't change everything at once and it would be too much all at once anyway.
The fact that you have been in the relationship for 9 years, is a positive note, but relationships are not happy if one of you is not happy with themselves. i.e You.
So, I think you do need to talk to somebody, even if it is not directly about the 'Thing', but about everything that is troubling you.
Have you your told your GP how you feel?
Maybe that is a good place to start. :)

[kim!!]

I did have a mental health nurse but didn't really get on! Iv had this since Xmas I'm on sertraline an propranolol but don't think there working? I do need to make changes in my life iv stopped drinking because that just made me worse! I just can't see myself getting over this I don't know what to do who to turn to? I've got no get up an go in me just can't be bothered with anything at the moment!
Thanks for listening to me sorry to keep going on about it

[HaroldMorse]

Hello, I have a similar issue and now, I am continuing to consume anti-anxiety pills to get rid of my anxiety issue.