Being ignored...

[annnaa]

Hi everyone! Today school started and i prepared myself a lot. I searched for various remedies all over the internet and felt very hopeful reading stories about people who had been able to solve their problems.

I could barely sleep last night but felt confident when biking to school with my friends. I told myself nothing could prevent me of joinig a conversation with people who hardly know. But it didn't work. I always keep telling myself to be relaxed, stay cool and be myself. But i pretended to be utterly excited to see all my friends back but i can't help it - and i don't know if it's me or others - but i was put in my usual awkward and silent position again. I try and hang out with the less popular people who are really nice but my friends then start to think i'm annoying and bla bla bla...

At the end it went well though. There is this one friend "Sasha" who used to fight all the time with a selfish girl who considers herself a queen (and i often can't help it to want to impress her amthough i KNOW i hate her) and i remember she cried and told me how rude and mean she thought that girl was. I comforted her and we hung out a lot together and ended up as friends...but then the time came the other mean girl had no friends left and picked sasha out as her new best friend. Sasha was so flattered and happy she put me aside and i don't dare to talk about it with her.

But I came home and burst out in teers, not even trying to hide it from my sister. I just i lost all the confidence i found during the last 2 months and thinking about the fact that tomorrow and the 9 months after tomorrow i'll have to go through the same thing, is torture.

I just wish i didn't even care about having no friends. But i do. So how do you ignore other people's comments? i'm sick listening to the 'be yourself's and the 'don't care about others's and i absolutely don't want to live anymore, feeling homesick all the time, going red all the time, having no friends... It's school that frightens me, you know, during the holidays i felt bad but at least i had the time to learn. Now during school days i either cry in class (WHICH IS HORRIBLE :( ) and only have 4 hours to relax, cheer myself up, do my homework, do my chores, deal with the nerves for the next schoolday... Then i feel what REALLY BAD feels like.

I just want to live. Please answer i have nobody :'( please

[Pieter Bruinsma]

Annnaa.

I would like to give you some advice, based on a situation that happened to me.

Now Im a little older than you but Im sure you will relate in one way if you think of my workplace just like your school.

When I started my job many of my work mates thought I was crazy. They thought my outburst, and the way I would spend my lunch alone, or just sit in my car crying, was a sign that I was completely mad.

Then one day I found a poster that simply said 'time to change'. I read that poster and I read all about how this one poster on a wall was telling people that it was time to change attitudes towards mental health.

So I took this poster and I put it in my canteen. I made a point at lunch to sit under the poster. It took sometime but eventually a work collegue asked me 'why do you sit all alone at lunch'.

I explained that I wasnt very good with people in a social environment. How the thoughts of people judging me made depressed.

It took a few weeks but now I sit with all of my work mates, they have listened and they have spoken about mental health in a way that is positive.

Many bad things are said about mental illness when they come from an uneducated tongue.

Maybe you could spend 5 mins with one person who judges you and explain your problems. Turn an enemy to a friend. Or educate the uneducated.

Only we can take the stigma away, if we all talk about out mental health.

I wish you all the very best

[sial72]

Liked your story Pieter x

[annnaa]

Hi, thank you Pieter! It always helps to know you're not the only one. I just think talking to this rude girl really isn't going to solve anything; she definitely doesn 't have time to talk to me so..... And even if she would, she'd think i'm so weird and there is no time during the breaks anyway etc.

I figured that i really need a therapist. I yesterday told my dad a vague version of the story (told him im not at ease with myself and that i can't say and do the things i want because my body feels horrible and also that i felt homesick most of the times) it felt good and today, 2nd day of school, was bit better but still....i invited my 2 best friends to eat lunch with me downtown and they said yes and i had fun but all the time had to do an effort to "be cool" and "not be quiet".

BUT tomorrow my class of 25 students (:scared15: :shrug:) will be added to 1 maybe 2 other classes and these will probably be classes with loud people and cool kids.... I'm freaking out

So my dad found me a free therapist and i'm scared you know... Never done anything like this before and i 'm bad at expressing myself definitely to strangers but they're professional so i shouldn't be his paranoide....

Has anyone of you ever been to therapist and how did it go? Is it relieving? Did it change your life ?

[sial72]

Yes, therapy can be very helpful
Only you can change your life xx

[Pieter Bruinsma]

I had 2 sessions with a therapist. In those 2 sessions I found a way to talk to people about my illness. It sounds like you already have someone you can talk to in your Dad.

Being a dad myself and having a daughter with mental health problems too. You may be surprised how wonderful and supportive your own father can be if you spend some time talking about how you are feeling.

Best of luck and best wishes to you.

[Katielee]

I don't know if it may just be the way I read this but to me it seems like you might be friends with the wrong people, coming from someone who was part of the 'popular' group at school, I can see why you feel like the girl is rude and doesn't have time for you. But let me tell you this, everyone has insecurity's about themselves some people just push it on to other people to make themselves feel better, I had alot of friends who did that. Anyway my advice would be to make friends with those who are kind not those who are popular. I left school 2 years ago and when I look back now I wish I'd have chosen better friends. Don't pick people who you think everyone wants to be friends with, pick those who you'd be proud to be friends with, people who treat you nice and would do anything for you. School doesn't last forever, neither do friends if they're the wrong ones. Out of all the 'popular' friends I had at school I'm only now friends with 2 and guess what, they were the nicest.

So just continue being you! I believe in you!