AaronEE
04-09-15, 22:31
I'll try not to write a book lol.
Starting at an early age, maybe around 8 or 9 years old, I've been dealing with various types of anxiety, on and off. The first bout I had was straight hypochondria. I watched a Tom Green special about his battle with testicular cancer, and I immediately thought I had it... and again, I was 8 or 9. Ever since, I've had bouts of hypochondria regarding a plethora of different physical and mental illnesses on and off up to present day. Recently, about a month ago I had a freak out. I was just laying in bed after smoking some marijuana (I've done so for a few years and had no problems) and was winding down, playing guitar as always. I just started crying and had an anxiety attack that lasted the entire night. I didn't sleep a wink that night and had some troubles sleeping the next few days. I couldn't sleep because of the fact that I was AFRAID THAT I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO as funny as that sounds. I know how much I can over think things and I knew that this was all it was, but I couldn't shake it this time. I got the sleep thing under control after a visit to the doctor. He told me recent blood tests confirmed that my thyroid was functioning like it's supposed to and everything was alright (except for a lack of b12, which I'm taking vitamins for now). ANYHOW... I narrowed the trigger of my anxiety down to me reading about schizophrenia. I wigged myself out to the point where I was petrified of having it. My doc told me that by everything I've told him, he doesn't think I'm going crazy, I just need to slow the wheels down. SO I've been working on it. HERE'S WHAT I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH AS OF LATE: I've been experiencing depersonalization and derealization. It was a mystery to me as why I felt "like I was constantly in a dream" or when I would look at certain people I've known for years it was like they were strangers. So That freaked me out as well. I just learned about derealization and depersonalization and it made me feel better, however it has not subsided yet. Some days are better than others. I know that there are setbacks in the healing process and that's all part of it. But it still is tough to deal with when you have a desk job and you have all the time in the world to think about stupid things. Which brings on INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS. I'm capping certain things because I know I've already written an autobiography so I'll make it easy to skim lol. Anyhow. Today has been especially hard dealing with intrusive thoughts. The thought of suicide SCARES THE PISS OUT OF ME AND I'D NEVER DO IT EVER. But the intrusive thought is that I'll lose control and do it. I know in my heart I never will, it's just all part of the irrational thoughts. Anyway, I guess I'm just here to vent. I know it's probably a mixture of OCD and GAD. I overthink way too much. I'm not on pills and probably never will be because I feel like if my mind is strong enough to put me in a rut, it's strong enough to get back out. I guess I just am looking for people who can relate. Thank ya
Starting at an early age, maybe around 8 or 9 years old, I've been dealing with various types of anxiety, on and off. The first bout I had was straight hypochondria. I watched a Tom Green special about his battle with testicular cancer, and I immediately thought I had it... and again, I was 8 or 9. Ever since, I've had bouts of hypochondria regarding a plethora of different physical and mental illnesses on and off up to present day. Recently, about a month ago I had a freak out. I was just laying in bed after smoking some marijuana (I've done so for a few years and had no problems) and was winding down, playing guitar as always. I just started crying and had an anxiety attack that lasted the entire night. I didn't sleep a wink that night and had some troubles sleeping the next few days. I couldn't sleep because of the fact that I was AFRAID THAT I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO as funny as that sounds. I know how much I can over think things and I knew that this was all it was, but I couldn't shake it this time. I got the sleep thing under control after a visit to the doctor. He told me recent blood tests confirmed that my thyroid was functioning like it's supposed to and everything was alright (except for a lack of b12, which I'm taking vitamins for now). ANYHOW... I narrowed the trigger of my anxiety down to me reading about schizophrenia. I wigged myself out to the point where I was petrified of having it. My doc told me that by everything I've told him, he doesn't think I'm going crazy, I just need to slow the wheels down. SO I've been working on it. HERE'S WHAT I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH AS OF LATE: I've been experiencing depersonalization and derealization. It was a mystery to me as why I felt "like I was constantly in a dream" or when I would look at certain people I've known for years it was like they were strangers. So That freaked me out as well. I just learned about derealization and depersonalization and it made me feel better, however it has not subsided yet. Some days are better than others. I know that there are setbacks in the healing process and that's all part of it. But it still is tough to deal with when you have a desk job and you have all the time in the world to think about stupid things. Which brings on INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS. I'm capping certain things because I know I've already written an autobiography so I'll make it easy to skim lol. Anyhow. Today has been especially hard dealing with intrusive thoughts. The thought of suicide SCARES THE PISS OUT OF ME AND I'D NEVER DO IT EVER. But the intrusive thought is that I'll lose control and do it. I know in my heart I never will, it's just all part of the irrational thoughts. Anyway, I guess I'm just here to vent. I know it's probably a mixture of OCD and GAD. I overthink way too much. I'm not on pills and probably never will be because I feel like if my mind is strong enough to put me in a rut, it's strong enough to get back out. I guess I just am looking for people who can relate. Thank ya