worried about my mum - Feeling very depressed

[louise0501]

Hello everyone. For some months now i have been worrying about my mum. She has always been quite a heavy drinker and she smokes to and lately she is just drinking all the, i barely see her sober. She doesnt drink wed nd thurs as she has work but thts the only days she dont drink. She looks unwell, im thinking maybe she has cancer. Shes always tired as well. I just feel on edge every day thinking an i going to get tht call tht something has happened to her. I love my mum so much and shes 56 and she just cant go on like this. Im feeling so depressed. Anyone have experience of this? Or advice?

Please Reply
love Louise xxxxxxxxxx

[23tana]

Can you persuade your mum to go and see a doctor about her general health?

Have you any idea why she drinks so much? She obviously knows that she does since she stops on work days. Would she go to AA or another self help group? She needs to tackle the root cause of her drinking.

[swgrl09]

In the states we have al-anon, which has free meetings for family members of alcoholics and can offer lots of support. Do you have that in the UK?

[23tana]

Yes we do swygrl09.

[louise0501]

Hi thanks for the replies. I have tried to persuade her to go to the docs but she just says shes fine but i know shes not. She also has this really bad cough where she brings up mucus which shes had for some time and she has been to the docs about that several times and the first time she went they gave her a chest x-ray which came back clear and the other times she went the doc just said its viral but shes had it years. Obviously its not right. I just feel like im suffocating with all this worry. I will check out al-anon. I just dont know what to do anymore? I just feel so depressed.

Love Louise xxxxxxxxxx

[Pieter Bruinsma]

Louise

My mum is an alchoholic, and has been for 20 years. She sneaks booze into plain water bottles, she has fell down blind drunk at both mine and my brothers weddings.
Yet she still says she doesnt have a problem.
I can only tell you this....

My mother left us 20 years ago when she took up the bottle. I have since moarned her and learned to let go. She has left behind a body that is riddled with the evils of drink.

Im not saying that your mother is at this stage. But mine is. We are all had an intervention with her and she denies the drinking. She lies constantly. It is a complete mess in her world.

Unfortunately addiction is a very hard thing to break. If the addict doesnt see the problem they will never get the help they need.
You face a gamble here. Get her to recognise her problems and follow the path to detox and rebuilding trust or speak to her and it fall on deaf ears.

In this situation: You can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink.

I couldnt make my mother change, and so I have let her go. She is an adult at the end of the day and I cant change her path.

[louise0501]

Hello everyone. I really appreciate your replys. Its so nice having people to talk to. Last week my mum wasnt to bad and she seemed a bit more like herself but as soon as it got to friday, shes hitting the bottle again and friday night she left thd oven on all night and i mean she couldve burnt the house down. I just feel like im losing her. I try talking to her about it but she just shrugs it off and says its a one off. Me and my sisters hav also realised she repeats herself quite a bit. Could she have cancer? Maybe its dementia? Or is it just years of heavy drinking? It seems shes upset and depressed and hiding something. I have a little boy whos two and i just dont think she will get to see him grow up if she carries on like this. Im so upset and just cant focus on anything at the minute.

Love Louise xxxxxxxxx

[emily67]

louise,

what help does she have?

does she see someone about this?

it's what she needs. i think she needs someone professional she can talk to- don't get me wrong, i've read your post and think you do a great job by trying to talk to her.

but their is only so much you can do

[louise0501]

Hi emily. Yes i agree she needs to talk to someone proffessional. She wont go to the doctors tho as she doesnt think there is a problem but obviously something is troubling her and she wont talk to any of us. I just cant get through to her.

Love Louise xxxxxxxxxx