Giving up the fight...

[asus15]

I've had this crap for 21 years now... I've always put up a fight but iv just started seeing a clinical physchologist and iv also come off of my medication (citaropram) after 2 years of insane headaches and other annoying side effects.

I've been hit hard with anxiety again since coming off the meds i didn't realise how good i had it when i was on them aside from the side effects... i wont be going back on them though...

I'm now having therapy which is bringing all sorts back up including what actually caused my anxiety problems which has lead me to think about it more and think how crap my life has been because of it i am REALLY struggling. Usually i suffer silently but i can't take it anymore. I'm actually getting suicidal thoughts and all sorts now.

Can anyone please do anything to help me? I can't put up with this much longer I've been sat on my bed for the past hour or maybe longer my head in my hands just thinking over and over how screwed my life is and that there is probably no cure. From what i can tell after 21 years and various dr's, forums, experience, etc... theres no one to help only samaritans which just listen and cant give answers so.. no answers and there sure as hell is no cure. i can't deal with this anymore.

Please help me.

[lior]

I know how you feel. I've been suicidal and self harmed and it's not pleasant. I know how you feel about how you put up a fight but you can't take it any more - I know how it feels to give up. I know how it feels to think how crappy your life is, and being in therapy does dredge up all the crap stuff.

And let me tell you - YOU are your greatest help. Other people can give sympathy, empathy, guidance, but in the end, only you are the one that can save yourself. Citalopram is useful but doesn't solve problems.

There was a point where I stopped trying to be happy, and I stopped trying to work. It reduced my anxiety a lot. I let myself be depressed. I aimed to get out of bed and go out, but if I couldn't, then I forgave myself easily. This sort of giving up was actually useful in my case. I stopped trying to be wonderful all the time - as a perfectionist I put so much pressure on myself that it was harmful. So despite people saying 'never give up', in some rare cases it can be good to give up - it can help you let go of behaviours that are unhelpful, along with a load of other stuff. After this 'giving up', I slowly added behaviours back into my life and rebuilt my life again, bit by bit. It took several months but it worked.

It won't feel nice, but if you're getting to the cause of your problems in therapy, that might be the answer. Since being in therapy I have actually found a lot of answers. There have been some penny drop moments too - often not actually in my therapy sessions. Being in therapy puts me in a headspace where I can draw parallels with my current experiences and my past ones. I find it really useful. I'm addressing fundamental behaviour flaws I have - I am working on myself, and for me, this feels like the right thing to do, if I am to never be depressed again.

My life is screwed in some ways. But in other ways my life has a lot of potential. And by overcoming struggles, I will be able to help others who face similar struggles. So while you feel your life is screwed right now - in the near future you will see things differently.

Keep going, be kind to yourself, forgive yourself.

[Dan1975]

I've had this crap for 21 years now... I've always put up a fight but iv just started seeing a clinical physchologist and iv also come off of my medication (citaropram) after 2 years of insane headaches and other annoying side effects.

I've been hit hard with anxiety again since coming off the meds i didn't realise how good i had it when i was on them aside from the side effects... i wont be going back on them though...

I'm now having therapy which is bringing all sorts back up including what actually caused my anxiety problems which has lead me to think about it more and think how crap my life has been because of it i am REALLY struggling. Usually i suffer silently but i can't take it anymore. I'm actually getting suicidal thoughts and all sorts now.

Can anyone please do anything to help me? I can't put up with this much longer I've been sat on my bed for the past hour or maybe longer my head in my hands just thinking over and over how screwed my life is and that there is probably no cure. From what i can tell after 21 years and various dr's, forums, experience, etc... theres no one to help only samaritans which just listen and cant give answers so.. no answers and there sure as hell is no cure. i can't deal with this anymore.

Please help me.

It's kind of ironic that the key to your recovery is the title of your post. You have to give up and stop fighting. Have you tried venlafaxine as and AD? I'm on a low dose and this combined with an ACT based approach has me 90% recovered. I too suffered for decades, so it can be done.

[Penny19]

Hi
I'm in the process of tapering off my meds. I have noticed I can be gr8 one day then boom....shit the next. But I do think it takes a while for your body to adjust. I have been rock bottom several times. It's a case of trying to let go of the past, be true to yourself. Do you seem to be back to square 1 each time? Your happiness and future is in your own hands. What we receive in life is a mirror of what we portray. Think positive and forward thinking thoughts and we will get them. Think bad negative thoughts that's what we get. It's a hard circle to break....but I have only recently been aware of this and determined to fix this by letting go of the past....moving forward.....forgiving. ....and looking at future things I want to achieve x