polbailey
10-09-15, 13:40
Hi everyone,
I created my account a long time ago but this, I think, is my first post. It has taken me a long time to recognise a lot of my anxiety and to realise I need to change things.
I started getting anxiety when I had my first panic attack, out of the blue, in 1998. I never saw a doctor or confided in anyone and went on to think I was going mad. Regular attacks became a permanent state of anxiety which I later discovered was called 'derealisation'. I still kept it to myself, struggled through and lost all understanding of who I was or how I felt. Amazingly, i must've been very strong as no one even noticed I had a problem! I have still never admitted this era of my life to anyone (until this post).
Years went by and a couple of self help books helped me see the cause of my feelings and I slowly began to feel normal(ish) again.
During the next few years the panic attacks faded but I was left with social anxiety, fear of driving, flying and hypochondria. All of this is self diagnosed, I have never told a doctor and, largely, I hide it. People see me as confident and strong.
Putting all of my time and thoughts into my kids helped me ignore the problems for years. I just hoped it'd continue to improve.
Since then I have suffered a bad marriage, been through a divorce, experienced verbal and emotional abuse, seen my job security disappear, had money worries, had illness in the family, stressed hugely over my own health, helped my 9 year old with her severe anxiety (including mutism), felt out of my depth socially and tried my very best to continue to act strong.
Now, after all of these years, i wonder if all the hidden anxiety has taken it's toll. I get pain in the gallbladder area but no cause has been found, I have a heavy, weak feeling in my left arm, I get upset and lose my patience easier than I should. I am afraid of things like being a passenger on a motorway, or flying. I worry about any little minor illness, I hate and avoid group social situations. I make no effort to socialise with anyone new and hate the school playground. I struggle daily and no one realises. I often have an urge to run away from everything to a place I can live a less busy, stressful life.
I have contemplated telling the doctor but all of this seems so normal to me now that I don't know what i should say. maybe I am making a fuss over nothing?
thanks for reading and I look forward to being a bit more involved here in the future.
p x
I created my account a long time ago but this, I think, is my first post. It has taken me a long time to recognise a lot of my anxiety and to realise I need to change things.
I started getting anxiety when I had my first panic attack, out of the blue, in 1998. I never saw a doctor or confided in anyone and went on to think I was going mad. Regular attacks became a permanent state of anxiety which I later discovered was called 'derealisation'. I still kept it to myself, struggled through and lost all understanding of who I was or how I felt. Amazingly, i must've been very strong as no one even noticed I had a problem! I have still never admitted this era of my life to anyone (until this post).
Years went by and a couple of self help books helped me see the cause of my feelings and I slowly began to feel normal(ish) again.
During the next few years the panic attacks faded but I was left with social anxiety, fear of driving, flying and hypochondria. All of this is self diagnosed, I have never told a doctor and, largely, I hide it. People see me as confident and strong.
Putting all of my time and thoughts into my kids helped me ignore the problems for years. I just hoped it'd continue to improve.
Since then I have suffered a bad marriage, been through a divorce, experienced verbal and emotional abuse, seen my job security disappear, had money worries, had illness in the family, stressed hugely over my own health, helped my 9 year old with her severe anxiety (including mutism), felt out of my depth socially and tried my very best to continue to act strong.
Now, after all of these years, i wonder if all the hidden anxiety has taken it's toll. I get pain in the gallbladder area but no cause has been found, I have a heavy, weak feeling in my left arm, I get upset and lose my patience easier than I should. I am afraid of things like being a passenger on a motorway, or flying. I worry about any little minor illness, I hate and avoid group social situations. I make no effort to socialise with anyone new and hate the school playground. I struggle daily and no one realises. I often have an urge to run away from everything to a place I can live a less busy, stressful life.
I have contemplated telling the doctor but all of this seems so normal to me now that I don't know what i should say. maybe I am making a fuss over nothing?
thanks for reading and I look forward to being a bit more involved here in the future.
p x