Extreme fear of schizophrenia (First post here)

[Mummyc]

Hi this is my first post I am a mummy of 1 and I live in the UK with my boyfriend. Bit of a back storyy My father was paranoid schizophrenic and is no longer with us. I suffered from anxiety and ocd most of my life I would be ok for a while then it would rear its head again. Over the years I've had ocd about cleanliness, my relationship, hocd it has jumped quite a lot in terms of things that have been the main focu.
After my young son receiving a difficult diognosis And relationship problems I was very stressed but coping ok. In October last year my mum passed away suddenly
and it was a massive shock I had to deal with lots of things I felt were really hard and it also dredged up lots of memory's of my dad passing. Over time I have developed a severe fear I am developing schizophrenia which has become really difficult to cope with the last week has been terrible. I worry internal intrusive thoughts are voices, I get ridiculous thoughts like someone is going to kill me I don't believe they are I just feel like any minute I will begin to believe it and become psychotic. Ive been
through hundreds of these thoughts terrified I am becoming delusional and scared if I'm not why do the thoughts scare me so much?
I'm now convinced it's getting worse and worried I am hearing things like I'll hear a whispering noise or think I hear someone say my name sometimes I'm convinced I have and other times I can find the source to the sound like my shoe on the floor etc. I'm deeply terrified I'm in the initial stages. I've spoken to the docters etc And I'm currently recieving cbt however I'm hindering the process with my obsession it's getting worse :( Ie is it getting worse or am I making it worse with this belief? Has anyone been in this situation how did you get better/deal with it? Thank you for any help offered x

---------- Post added at 03:15 ---------- Previous post was at 01:29 ----------

Any one? My cbt therapist says its ocd anxiety and possible post traumatic stress disorder my main fear is the worry of voices that is what I'm currently obsessed with I'm so terrified of losing it and losing my life.
I did some erp with my therapist watching an Eleanor longden video but it's just made my fear worse Of it all and I'm even more stressed the intrusive thoughts are voices and that I'm beginning to hear things my anxiety is ridiculous at the moment : ( this is the worst I have ever felt in my life x

[AnnieMags]

Poor you - I am sorry to hear you are struggling like this. From what you say you have an awful lot on your plate at the moment: a young child with health problems, relationship difficulties, recently losing your mum so suddenly and dealing with lifelong anxiety and OCD, plus the fear of having inherited your father's condition. All this amounts to incredible levels of stress, which can play havoc on your mind and body, causing all sorts of anxiety-related symptoms.

You mentioned you have seen doctors and also have a cbt therapist. You have presumably then been examined and they have not been concerned that you may have schizophrenia. I would say that is very reassuring and a sign that your symptoms are deemed to be caused by anxiety and stress. Please discuss this again in detail with your therapist, who may be able to reassure you further.

If you continue to be worried, please see your GP and ask to be referred to your local mental health services for a specialist opinion. They will be able to reassure you. Best wishes from Annie :hugs:

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi and welcome to NMP :welcome:

I've copied you some threads off the OCD board that I know of about this subject:

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=173541
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=164756&highlight=schizophrenia
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=169804&highlight=schizophrenia
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=173102&highlight=schizophrenia
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=152072&highlight=schizophrenia
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=168412&highlight=schizophrenia

If you were delusional, you wouldn't know because it would absorb you completely.

It is normal to hear audible voices when falling asleep or withing the first 2 hours of sleep, known as Hypnagogia, or upon waking, known as Hypnopompia. These are normal states and anyone can experience a load of different phenomena during them. They have no connection to anxiety disorders but stress is known to make them more frequent. So, if you get any of that - discount it from your fear of schizophrenia because they are normal phenomena explained by science and accepted.

Intrusive thoughts can feel a bit like audible voices but they really aren't. You can distinguish between them if you concentrate because you may hear someones voice saying something in your head because you are thinking about it but it won't sound like true audible souns around you.

You also know you have had various forms of OCD and I'm assuming you have known that fear of serious mental illness, such as psychosis or schizophrenia, are known forms of OCD. So, there are 2 facts that back up what your doctor and therapist are saying and they are trained to spot the difference and get you to a different service if you have those problems.

Pop over to the OCD board and I'm sure you will find some people with similiar problems who you can talk to. I have OCD in various forms, but not this one, so I understand how you feel and there are some good people on there who will talk to you about it.

[Mummyc]

So Is it normal in Ocd to have intrusive thoughts in a voice different to your own voice?
I'm so scared by all this I've told my cbt therapist and she said I'm not schizophrenic and if I was I would be under a completely different service. but of course I feel like I am worse than others with this form of ocd. I feel like it is catching up with me/developing and soon I will have it, my anxiety is through the roof

[sammie13s]

Hi Hun. Just wanted to tell u ur not alone with this one. It's my biggest fear also. I to live in the uk. Manchester. I have 2 children and a loving partner. But this is taking over my life. Xx

[Fishmanpa]

If you think you're going "crazy" you're not. Those in the midst of real psychosis don't recognize it or know it's happening.

Positive thoughts

[Mummyc]

Do any of you get the thoughts that you worry are voices? The doctors, my therapist and my partner assure me I'm not showing any signs of it and it is obviously ocd because the level of obsession I have over it. I'm glad I'm not on my own even though it's horrible other people have to go through this! it's still reassuring to hear I'm not the only one.
Fishmanpa I know I've heard that before but I'm scared I'm in the initial stages or beginning to hear things and on the edge of being delusional etc because of all the strange thoughts I'm convinced I'm getting worse, I just want my life back I used to be able to go out and do anything. My hearing is so sensitive normal noises seem really loud like my brain is picking them out my cbt therapist says I'm scanning but I do hear small sounds Often, im hoping it's just stress related. Sammie what are your biggest issues? Sorry if that's personal feel free to ignore if so : ) It is overwhelming, it's great you have family around you though x

[Fishmanpa]

I can verify what I'm saying as I had an episode of psychosis due to a bad reaction to drugs during my cancer treatment. It was due to steroids and my reaction was akin to "roid rage". It took place over a 10 day period and while I recall certain things I did, to me, I felt normal. Obviously, to everyone else around me, I most certainly wasn't! The one thing I recall that was wanting to beat the living daylights out of someone in downtown Baltimore because he walked in front of my truck on the way to treatment! I pulled over and was getting out of the truck to go after him. My wife was holding my arm and yelling at me to calm down. This man would have crushed me like a bug!

That day I remember getting to treatment and being asked how I was. Then they asked my wife and the next thing I know I had psyche there asking me all sorts of questions! They knew within minutes I was in bad shape. They gave me some meds to help and I was back to normal within a day. Oddly enough, it didn't interfere with normal everyday things and activities but my reaction to them apparently was off the charts. To this day, I don't recall most of that time period.

Positive thoughts

[sammie13s]

I don't hear voices. But I do talk to myself a lot xx

---------- Post added at 15:01 ---------- Previous post was at 15:00 ----------

Not out loud. Just chat away in my head to myself. I no it's me doing it as it's my voice. Xx

[Mummyc]

Thanks for the replys I'm seeing my cbt therapist monday, so going to talk through it all again with her in depth I think x

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yes, you can have intrusive thoughts in your voice, someone elses or just as thoughts that seem to have no real voice at all yet you still hear something in your mind. Images too.

Your therapist is right and knows that he/she had to spot possible schizophrenics to refer them into the correct (and more advanced) community mental health teams.

It probably feels so intense right now because of all the stress in your life. Anxiety levels in general are a bit part of OCD and if you reduce them, you will find your OCD decreases. I had GAD + OCD and have spoken to others the same and we all said that underlying anxiety levels spike our OCD but when we reduce them, the intrusive thoughts and compulsions decline substantially.

I'm sorry to hear that your mum passed away.

At my worst I thought I was losing my mind. I couldn't stop myself touching hundreds of objects a day, re-reading road signs over & over plus car licence plates & door numbers, eating in ritualised ways, etc the list is pretty long but the point is I thought I was stuck like that and something was seriously wrong with me but I'm a million miles better now. The fact you have a history in your family with your dad is obviously going to feed this fear but if you understand the potentials for developing it from medical advice, you can rationalise that away and you have medical professionals telling you it is definitely OCD and they had to diagnose that OCD along with turn down a diagnosis of schizophrenia.

In fight or flight the senses become more attuned so that's probably why you are hearing things louder. It's the same with vision because you find it harder to tolerate bright light so places like supermarkets can be a bit overwhelming due to that (on top of everything else they are overwhelming for! ). These all reduce back to normal in time so just work on reducing overall anxiety levels to help with this.

[MissyMischief]

MummyC-- I had this exact same fear around 10 years ago. I totally thought I was going to lose control and go crazy and hurt someone or do something terrible. I kept imagining terrible scenarios, and became hypersensitive to my thoughts and sounds I heard.

Basically, nothing bad ever happened and I got over it once some stressful situations in my life had subsided.

Went without severe anxiety for many years and now it's reared its head again but in a different form.