View Full Version : cant believe my bad luck..sad news for me
As most of you know iv been having my daughter every two weeks overnight for a few months now,and thought this was all sorted now and forever.well thats all about to change..im having my daughter tonight for the weekend,but after that it all stops...m X will no longer be able to do the drop offs and collections ...im stuck and have no other way poss to get her hear and back home..no one in my family is able to help out.....and my daughter has a lot of anxiety and has been unable to get on public transport.so no trains or busses not that i could aford that option anyway..so tonight is the last time i will see my sara ..the only otherway is to see her through a contact center in her area,but that meens 2 hrs visit and sitting in a boring room which she will hate and so will i..i feel sick today knowing this is it,and my plans for xmas with her are out the window...she was coming over for the week for the first time in three years..thats now gone.another xmas without her....she was screeming down the phone last night as she was telling me and crying her little eyes out,thretning to kill herself because she feels so sad and unhappy now.she was astericle.iv never heard her like this..i cried to for my loss and didnt sleep at all last night..i feel so sad today ,its just sinking in that tonight is the last time she will be at my flat and last time for overnight stay..we built up such a fantastic relationship to.......i feel lost and fed up with my shitty life...if its not one thing its another.i dont feel ill get over this and feer ill lose her now because the time apart we will have.
Oh no. How far away does she live?
bernie1977
11-09-15, 13:04
Save up the money you normally spend when she comes. Last time you went out for a meal and the cinema. It won't take long to get the taxi money together if it's only 15 miles away
oh Greg what a shame. Try doing as Bernie suggested. At least you'd be together.
Bernie my money wont strech to that..we get money off when i goto the cinema and the meal is only 13 pounds so a total of 20 pound ish.its about 15 pounds each way for a taxi plus as i aay sara wont get on public transport on her own..so wouldnt work for us....already thought about the finance..she could get on a bus hear and home,but she dsnt have the confidance to do it..she has a lot of anxiety unfortunatly
bernie1977
11-09-15, 13:43
So that's £40 you could save in 4 weeks, would that pay for you on public transport to go get her and bring her back
---------- Post added at 13:43 ---------- Previous post was at 13:27 ----------
It's terrible news you've had and I can imagine you're gutted but try and look for solutions. 15 miles isn't that far. How about you going over there and spending the day with her in the area where she lives? It's silly to accept defeat so easily when you could find a solution. Can't believe I'm going to quote this man but as Jeremy Kyle would say if that was my kid I would walk the 15 miles to see them
Yes that prob would work every 4 weeks..ill have to have a chat with my girl see what she thinks..prob i have is she wont get in a taxi on her own from her end..if i get a taxi from my end to collect her and bring her back it will prob be 30 pounds ,then id have to do the same again on the sunday.so prob need 60 pounds,so may need 6 weeks.and then ill have nothing to pay for us doing stuff..ill have to sit down and work this all out..it seems it needs to be every two months to do it all...such a bloody shame when i was having her every two weeks..so much tome will be lost with this new arangement
---------- Post added at 13:45 ---------- Previous post was at 13:43 ----------
I could easy get a bus over myself just to visit for the day,but its the sleepover she and i will miss so much.having her for two days at my house.id walk 15 miles if i have to but its just the time i have with her just visiting at her end..im gutted mate..could do without this bomb shell
15 miles isn't really that far, Greg. If you cut back on smoking maybe there would be some extra cash for public transport fares for you both? She's only a child fare and you could both travel off peak? You can't just give up.
She must have some degree of support for her autism-I can't imagine that the professionals involved in her care would sanction a total break in contact with her father? Can you get social services to fund your transport if all else fails?
Pulsa ill have to sit down and look into my finances..it will be tough because i dont have a lot left each two weeks.i will get to see her,but seems like it will be at least5 to 6 weeks and prob not over the weekend as i wont have any spare left to treet us both to do anything..ill get my head round it but could have done without all this stress..ill miss my two weekly overnight contacts
bernie1977
11-09-15, 14:57
Have you thought about a part time job? If you manage the voluntary work why not apply for paid work?
Im looking all the time for a job..have to be carfull working part time as i will loose my benefits and could be worse off.iv looked into it before and dont seem to be any better off with the finances.i look twice a week down the job center..fingers crossed something will turn up soon
15 miles isn't far - I thought you were going to say 150! I know the overnight thing must e gutting, but going over to spend time with her is the next best option. Also, where I live they have teen cards for the bus, where every trip is about 75p, I think the card costs a fiver. Get her one of those. And, surely it would be about 6 quid for a day ticket for you? So the return trip will cost about £15. Not ideal, but if you cut costs in other areas such as smoking, drinking, etc xxx
It certainly can be done, Greg. I think you just need to prioritise now and spend your money wisely. Having funds to see your daughter regularly is absolutely essential and having a round trip of 30 miles in order to keep that contact going is nothing in terms of distance.
You could go on the bus, collect her and take her back to your flat. And do the same on the way back. You say then that you will not have the money to treat her but surely it is each others company that is important not the fact you take her to the cinema etc.
bernie1977
11-09-15, 16:31
Im looking all the time for a job..have to be carfull working part time as i will loose my benefits and could be worse off.iv looked into it before and dont seem to be any better off with the finances.i look twice a week down the job center..fingers crossed something will turn up soon
When I worked at the bank I did volunteer work for the Citizens Advice Bureau as part of a community project. This included helping people with their finances who were on benefits.
I'm presuming you're on ESA income related & maybe DLA/PIP. You can work when on ESA under the permitted work scheme. You can also work under the supported permitted work scheme as part of a treatment programme organised by a work advisor in the job centre.
There's a lot of help out there, Greg, if you want it and I'm sure you do for the sake of maintaining contact with your daughter. You can't just give up-you have renewed contact with your daughter after a period when you thought you never would again so don't allow her to leave your life again. You'll always regret it if you do
I agree with everyone else on this Greg, 15 miles isn't far away, so the bus fare wouldn't be too much for you to go and collect her and she would get child fare for the journey to your house. Would her Mother collect her to take her home if you pick her up? Don't accept defeat on this one...it has to be your priority over everything else. Your daughter won't mind if you are not spending money on her when she is with you, it is the quality time you spend together that matters.
MyNameIsTerry
12-09-15, 07:23
I'm sorry to hear this has happened, Greg. It must feel like the rug has been pulled from under you mate.
I think the best thing you can do is push back the negative thoughts and look at your options because otherwise itm will just be thinking about all the "what ifs" and catastrophizing about sliding backwards.
I realise money is tight and that it's only 15 miles but I know what that can mean to me i.e. for me to reach a town 10 miles away, I have to go 5 miles into the city centre and come back on myself because there are no direct routes. So, it would be a good plan right now to look at each possible journey and write down how many buses are needed, how much it costs, comparison of taxi vs. bus, etc and the time involved in the journeys to see what is doable. Is even a train a possibility?
I'm thinking like other people that collecting her would be a good idea via public transport such as bus or train and then taking her back. Even the journey means she is with you so is time together (is she very anxious on public transport with others too?).
In terms of not being able to do as much when she is with you, it's just a necessary trade off here. You seem to pack as much in as you can and this sounds like a dad who is trying to do as much as possible to make sure his daughter enjoys herself and wants to be with you but as others have pointed out, she comes to see YOU. Sit down and talk to her about because of the cash involved, to see her it means a bit more time travelling and less money to go out places so she understands what this will mean. Maybe you can do more together at home or even go for a walk if it is nice and she may be happy enough with that because she is with YOU.
Greenman50
12-09-15, 17:19
If you can work part time why not full time ?
15 miles is nothing i would bike it there , bus back to yours , bus back then bike it home .
Whats 2 x 15 mile bus trips cost wise , and did i read you smoke ?
At a tenner a packet just ditch them
Greenman50
12-09-15, 23:46
Any thoughts on my reply Greg ?
Hi all.lots of ideas but need to get my head round it all...i dont have a lot of cash for it all esp now the winter is apon us,as it costs me a extra £10 plus each week for my gas heating.thats a lot out of my small budget..i know i would gain extra money by giving up smoking but its not that simple to just give it up,esp when your not working and sit around all day bordom...if it was that simple,everyone would just stop..im always looking for work,full time as part time is no go for me finationaly ill be worse off,i goto the job center 3 times a week looking for work and have aplied for a few jobs but had no luck even getting a interview,most jobs out there now are zero hrs contract and all are mostly through agencys nowadays..my age goes against me to..i know a few people my age that aply for jobs alot more than me,but cant get one...its hard out there...
bernie1977
14-09-15, 11:38
Hi all.lots of ideas but need to get my head round it all...i dont have a lot of cash for it all esp now the winter is apon us,as it costs me a extra £10 plus each week for my gas heating.thats a lot out of my small budget..i know i would gain extra money by giving up smoking but its not that simple to just give it up,esp when your not working and sit around all day bordom...if it was that simple,everyone would just stop..im always looking for work,full time as part time is no go for me finationaly ill be worse off,i goto the job center 3 times a week looking for work and have aplied for a few jobs but had no luck even getting a interview,most jobs out there now are zero hrs contract and all are mostly through agencys nowadays..my age goes against me to..i know a few people my age that aply for jobs alot more than me,but cant get one...its hard out there...
My partner and I both stopped smoking 6 years ago. We both had succes first attempt at trying. He did it using patches, I used the gum for a couple of days and then was fine. I do understand that everybody is different but try and think more positive, I know that's easier said than done sometimes but you must keep trying. You come across so negative in all of your posts.
When this happened with your wife, you decided that meant you wouldn't see your daughter anymore. That doesn't need to be the case, you need to look for solutions and not just crumble into defeat. Like with the smoking, keep trying to quit. No matter how many attempts it takes keep trying. There is free help out there to quit so no excuse for not trying
Hi all.lots of ideas but need to get my head round it all...i dont have a lot of cash for it all esp now the winter is apon us,as it costs me a extra £10 plus each week for my gas heating.thats a lot out of my small budget..i know i would gain extra money by giving up smoking but its not that simple to just give it up,esp when your not working and sit around all day bordom...if it was that simple,everyone would just stop..im always looking for work,full time as part time is no go for me finationaly ill be worse off,i goto the job center 3 times a week looking for work and have aplied for a few jobs but had no luck even getting a interview,most jobs out there now are zero hrs contract and all are mostly through agencys nowadays..my age goes against me to..i know a few people my age that aply for jobs alot more than me,but cant get one...its hard out there...
I know how hard it is - I have tried so many times and finally quit last year. Keep trying. You will quit.
Have you thought about doing a training course? It will build your qualifications, and will boost your confidence. Also, why can't your ex drop her off any more? Maybe you could meet her halfway? Surely she knows how important it is for your daughter to see you? x
Well as i say .its hard to quite when you are in a bad place,its complicated why my x cant drop her off and collect her.theres more to it that i cant go into right now,but its real and for now cant change things
Hi Greg
Nobody says it is easy, but there comes a time in life where you have to decide your priorities. I did and gave a 23 year smoking habit of 30 cigs a day. I gave it up for my daughter, she was my priority over smoking.
It really is mind over matter, so if you want you can do it, think just how proud and strong it will make you feel x
Greg
You can't live the rest of your life always offering excuses.
You have been given some pretty good advise on here many times and especially the last few days but you are a half empty not half full person.
Deep down I don't think you want to change as any effort on your part is always met with an obstacle. I know you won't like reading this but if your daughter means so much to you you have got to make sacrifices. it won't be easy if you are set in your ways, but something has got to give as otherwise 5 years from now you will still be sitting all day in front of one of your threads looking for sympathy.
At the end of the day it's entrely up to you, absolutely no one else.
Greg, you have been through a lot lately and I perfectly understand that it is not that easy just to give up smoking; I am attempting to try myself. :scared15:
It's the only thing that seems to calm me down!
And you are right when you say that being in most of the time makes it harder and if you suffer with depression, you have to take in to consideration your mental wellbeing and if you need something to get through like fag; I know where you are coming from.
It is more difficult when you are alone as well. And there is always a tragedy that comes along to set you back.
I have managed to quit the expensive American brand cigarettes and now on the roll-ups, which saves me a lot of money, but when you are benefits; a tenner is a lot of money.
I was thinking that maybe you could contact some charities for help with the travelling for your Daughter, you could make a start by asking in your local library or citizen's advice bureau.
But, don't let this slip away from you as I know when depression kicks in, we have a habit of just giving up.
Sleep on it and then think with a clear head.
Greg, I am trying another attempt of giving up in a couple of weeks, but not looking forward to it, but I have put some charity work in place as the boredom and anxiety always gets the better of me.
Whatever you do, you have plenty of support on here and I wish you luck. :hugs:
Thanks ricardo for your imput..im not making excuses for anything..just the facts of how things stand for me right now.as iv allready said,my daughter has a isue with public transport no matter who is with her..yes i can see her,but my main point is that the over night access will stop,because getting her over to me..my money is small and my outgoings are high.iv managed to save a few extra quid through the summer brcausemy heating bills have been low and i know from last year how much i strugled to survive through the winter months..so dont have much left at all and i meen not much.so all this talk about taxi etc is out of the questions...the cost of a taxi to my daughter is about 17 pounds there then back..then there when she goes back home then back for me.thats 68 pounds..then food for when my daughter is hear.it all adds uo to more than i have..you cant get blood out of a stone and i have said a couple of times on this thread,i need to get my head around it all,i havnt given up at all and will not give up.i was saying iv lost the overnight access with hear not that ill never see her again.and saying how low i feel because of this new change to my life,just as things were going smovely..i will work something out of course,there are no excuses with given up smoking to,its a fact its one of the hardest things to do.millions struggle to kick the habit,we are not all as as strong and lucky to do it..fact....there is more to my story hear that as iv said i cant post all the details which makes things even harder...
---------- Post added at 20:21 ---------- Previous post was at 20:18 ----------
Thanks carnation.that meens alot to hear someone eles who agrees kicking the habbit is not that simple.as you say esp when yiu are depressed.it helps you through the day etc and calms you..i will try again soon to give up..hope yours goes well.
bernie1977
14-09-15, 20:35
I heard people say good things about a book by Allen Carr on quitting smoke. Google it and see what you think. If you did want to try and quit most towns have support and clinics where you can go for free patches, I think some even offer counselling sessions.
Greg,
There is nothing worse than a reformed smoker. I don't have your financial problems,but that doesn't make me a happy person.
as you know I had a heart attack in january and the first thing the cardiologist said to me was that 50% of people who have a HA start smoking again as soon as they get home.
Maybe it was the shock, maybe being woken up the second night in hospital to tell me I was going back into intensive care as my heart stopped beating for 19 seconds, or whatever, I just didn't ever have the thought ever again to smoke .The patches I was given over a 12 week course must have helped though I didn't notice it at the time but now the major drawback is putting on weight through not smoking.
if you are on a low income it's really expensive to smoke here in the UK and passive smoke for your daughter is a considerstion as well. I wish I had given up years ago but you are younger than me and could stop now before you give yourself irrevisible damage. Think about it, but not for too long.:)
Greenman50
14-09-15, 21:05
I heard people say good things about a book by Allen Carr on quitting smoke. Google it and see what you think. If you did want to try and quit most towns have support and clinics where you can go for free patches, I think some even offer counselling sessions.
Hi Bernie
Heard good reviews on Allen Carr .
He also does a quit drinking one which ive just started its a few quid off Amazon to my fire thingie i,ve never used ( xmas prezzie)
Good call ....hope it helps me with the beer .
Sad news ricardo mate.sounds like you been through it..good for you for quitting...when i do smoke i always smoke outside.never once have i smoked in my flat,so my daughter is not around the smoke.even when she is not hear,i smoke outside eain or shine or snow.i like a smoke free flat..im actualy seeing my doctor this wed and asking to be put on champix ,dont know if you have heard of it but has great reviews.its a 12 week course of medication that shuts down the receptors in the brain making you not wanting to smoke..my sister went on it and wuite 4 months ago now..the only snag for me is the high dose of trazadone..the doctor last time adviced me not to go on champix becauae of the effects i might get with the trazadone..he said its comon that i might get very depressed on this drug as it interacts with trazadone.but im going to ask him to reconcider and give it a go.and if i notice my mood getting bad then ill have to give that idea a miss
I know how hard it is too. I said so before. I've tried champix. Now don't get me wrong, it made me not want a smoke, but I felt so sick the second week I stopped taking them. However, I'm only one person. There's tons of others who have quit using it. Patches worked for me too. My issue was the hand to mouth action, I needed that. So the e-cig did the job, and I haven't had a smile since last May. It makes no difference you smoking outside. It's third-hand smoke and carries toxins.
Good luck with your quit attempt. X
Greenman let me know how you get on with your quit drinking thing x
Thanks for that peperpot.ill see if my doctor alows me to go onto the champix.ill give that ago.i might even look into the E cigerets..good stuff
MyNameIsTerry
15-09-15, 04:33
Greg
You can't live the rest of your life always offering excuses.
You have been given some pretty good advise on here many times and especially the last few days but you are a half empty not half full person.
Deep down I don't think you want to change as any effort on your part is always met with an obstacle. I know you won't like reading this but if your daughter means so much to you you have got to make sacrifices. it won't be easy if you are set in your ways, but something has got to give as otherwise 5 years from now you will still be sitting all day in front of one of your threads looking for sympathy.
At the end of the day it's entrely up to you, absolutely no one else.
It sounds like we are straying into the previous 2 threads again here...:rolleyes:
So, lets also look at the things that Greg has done...that he didn't ask for "sympathy" on.
- He got a 3 day a week voluntary job in a shop. Strong progress there. I know I didn't know about this until after he had got it and I can't remember threads about it and any worry leading up to it. Was there any?
- He tried to withdraw from Olanzapine under advice from the community mental health team and struggled with withdrawal symptoms so restored his dose. He then researched a plan on his own and raised a thread stating what he was going to do. He then went ahead and cut his dose in half and there were no threads about increased anxiety although he felt it.
- He re-established his contact with his daughter and we didn't know until it happened. There was probably anxiety involved in this too but we didn't hear about it, just Greg happy that he was having her over.
- He has been more positive in threads and regained some confidence (in my opinion) and this came all of his own making.
- He is looking for work.
- He had to learn to deal with some sleeping difficulties because of having his daughter around and sleep was a big trigger issue for him. The reduction in Olanzapine may have also added to this. But then, we don't know as I don't recall him saying other than anxiety being higher at times.
All positives there. There are more and I know of something that caused him a load of anxiety but he didn't back down on it and went through it.
Doesn't sound like someone always making excuses to me. Besides the length of time involved is irrelevant anyway as long as we are making progress. He is. The above demonstrates a commitment to change too.
Naturally this was a big environmental factor for him and it does help talking things through. That doesn't make it about "sympathy". People give support. People give advice. But remember when it comes to advice, it may not be right anyway and it shouldn't come with a price tag or expectation to follow it.
I think Greg has replied to me Terry, no need for you to get involved.
Terry I have noticed all these positives in Greg too and from when I first started talking to Greg a few years ago, he really has made a lot of progress from how he was then. It has been slow steps but he is getting there. Members like yourself have been a great support to him and it has mainly been through encouragement.
Sometimes we just need to write down our problems and share them to be able to rationalise them and work through a plan in our heads.
I have been a single mum with very little money in the past and it is really hard to juggle the money and is often a case of robbing Peter to pay Paul.
Giving up smoking will save lots but I understand that isn't always easy to do. Maybe the incentive to have more money to see your daughter Greg will give you more determination and well done on making the step to see someone to help with this.
Greg,I am not gunna preach to you,just sending some hugs to you.
:hugs::hugs::hugs:
Petra xx:D
Keep at it buddy, those little steps and positive changes in your life WILL add up, that's what its all about, you're trying, and that is what matters.
How are you getting on with the CBT, Greg?
Thankyou guys for the suport.i am trying my best,but everyone moves forward in diffrent ways and pace.i wont give up trying things to make my life better...im not doing CBT ,i tried that a couple of years ago and didnt work for me.but i do have a organization called turning point,that has come to my home twice to see what suport they can offer me.they are coming out today 11am to my home.so will see what they can do for me.there part of a mental health that helps people in the comunity.not 100% sure what to expect so will see today..as for the smoking,i know it can save me some cash and for the sake of my health,do want to give it up.so will ask about champix this week and see if my doc will alow me to go on it.ill keep you posted...some days i feel i am in control and ither days it all just seems to much for me,ao my mind is playing tug of war and is draining..
keep plugging away greg ,keep taking baby steps thats what i did and its worked out for me.
If it was as easy and as just being positive and changing overnight none of us would be on here and this website wouldnt exist
Good point andy.thats my thoughts.small steps each day they all add up to bigger ones..cheers mate
Crystalhiggs
15-09-15, 13:12
Well done Greg, you're doing really well and I love that you take other peoples advice on board without rising to any of the more provoking posts! ��
Can I suggest we have a 'like' button on posts as I often want to just click on something to show that I like what people have written.
Terry and Andy, I 'like' your posts! ☺️
Thanks crystal..yep just trying to move on..how are things with you? I agree a like button would be good
---------- Post added at 13:39 ---------- Previous post was at 13:38 ----------
Greg,I am not gunna preach to you,just sending some hugs to you.
:hugs::hugs::hugs:
Petra xx:D
Thanks petra.x
bernie1977
15-09-15, 13:53
Well done Greg, you're doing really well and I love that you take other peoples advice on board without rising to any of the more provoking posts! ��
Can I suggest we have a 'like' button on posts as I often want to just click on something to show that I like what people have written.
Terry and Andy, I 'like' your posts! ☺️
And maybe a dislike button too.
I cannot see one 'provoking' post, all I see are people giving up their time trying to offer practical help to someone asking for advice.
Greg stated what his situation was and numerous people including myself have tried to offer solutions to the problems he's facing. If it was just a pity party he wanted and comments like 'oh poor you' that's not going to resolve much or help him or his daughter is it?
Don't make inflammatory comments like 'provoking posts' and not expect any come back
Crystalhiggs
15-09-15, 13:55
As Andy said, small steps - there will always be obstacles to overcome but with each challenge we grow and learn. ��
I'm generally good thanks although had a rough night last night - I'm looking on it as another blip rather than a backwards step!
Just back from CBT which always makes me feel better!
Keep going Greg, things always have a way of working out! ��
Good to hear crystal..there is always blips.but do glad you are feeling much better in yourself and getting help with the CBT.at least you are now off the trazadone.good for you
---------- Post added at 14:18 ---------- Previous post was at 14:16 ----------
And maybe a dislike button too.
I cannot see one 'provoking' post, all I see are people giving up their time trying to offer practical help to someone asking for advice.
Greg stated what his situation was and numerous people including myself have tried to offer solutions to the problems he's facing. If it was just a pity party he wanted and comments like 'oh poor you' that's not going to resolve much or help him or his daughter is it?
Don't make inflammatory comments like 'provoking posts' and not expect any come back
Bernie..i wasnt looking for those kind of coments like ,,,ohh poor you etc..i was upset it all colapsed and just needed someone to talk to,as you do when you get bad news as i dont have any friends other than NMP
bernie1977
15-09-15, 14:28
Bernie..i wasnt looking for those kind of coments like ,,,ohh poor you etc..i was upset it all colapsed and just needed someone to talk to,as you do when you get bad news as i dont have any friends other than NMP
And that's why you didn't get those type of comments from me Greg. I was trying to think of ideas to help you make sure you continued to get access to your daughter. Ricardo was doing the same and one person directly attacked him for it and another made indirect skits.
I don't believe that anyone has come from a bad place. Sometimes to get better we have to hear things about ourselves we don't like, I know I have. I sincerely hope for your sake and your daughters you keep up contact
Crystalhiggs
15-09-15, 14:58
And maybe a dislike button too.
I cannot see one 'provoking' post, all I see are people giving up their time trying to offer practical help to someone asking for advice.
Greg stated what his situation was and numerous people including myself have tried to offer solutions to the problems he's facing. If it was just a pity party he wanted and comments like 'oh poor you' that's not going to resolve much or help him or his daughter is it?
Don't make inflammatory comments like 'provoking posts' and not expect any come back
Firstly, I was talking to Greg, not you.
Secondly, I was being nice. This is a support group after all.
I don't think there's any need at all for your aggressive post. No one on here has to answer to anyone. Please direct your anger elsewhere!
bernie1977
15-09-15, 15:10
Cheers bernie...me to
Greg you're welcome :)
---------- Post added at 15:10 ---------- Previous post was at 15:06 ----------
Firstly, I was talking to Greg, not you.
Secondly, I was being nice. This is a support group after all.
I don't think there's any need at all for your aggressive post. No one on here has to answer to anyone. Please direct your anger elsewhere!
If you want to only address Greg directly I suggest you do so via PM and not on an open forum.
My post was not aggressive you have just chosen to receive it in that way. Don't make skits at people if you don't want people to address them with you, I quote your 'provocative comment' statement.
I have no anger to direct at anyone so once again you've misinterpreted what I've said.
I think I've covered everything there if not please let me know :)
Crystalhiggs
15-09-15, 15:29
I accept your apology :)
bernie1977
15-09-15, 15:45
I accept your apology :)
Wasn't aware I'd made one but if you were wanting the last word, go on knock yourself out :roflmao:
Crystalhiggs
15-09-15, 15:52
Well I can't can I if you keep replying!!! :doh:
I'll have the last word if you can't agree - might as well cos I do it at home too :roflmao:
Ok pepper you can have the last word....:D
Ok pepper you can have the last word....:D
Lol - NO MORE POSTS THEN ANYONE :roflmao:
Crystalhiggs
15-09-15, 17:41
:huh:
Greg
I thought that you might let us know what happened with your meeting with "turning point" this morning.Far more important than funny faces allover the place:whistles:
Yes the meeting..well iv been given a care coodinator for the next 12 weeks.she is going to help with my anxiety and depression and see if im entitled to any extra benefits.shes not a counciler but offer suport with me in my daily life.not 100% sure to be honest.it was a one hr meeting today and took down a lot of notes about my life..could have done with someone being hear with me to explain what it was she was talking about..but anyway ill know more next week when she comes back so will let you know more then..but sounds like some suport is going to happen
Extra benefits, more support....well that could be a result for you, takes the pressure off a bit :)
Sunflower2
15-09-15, 19:22
Good luck Greg - I hope you can find a way round to see your daughter. I'm sure you will figure something out! :)
Maybe you could ask this lady for help to maintain your daughter's visits? With your daughter's complex needs I'm sure there would be some extra money available to help with transport costs? Also there may even be a chance that you could have a taxi and escort provided to bring your daughter over and take her back again?
Yes the meeting..well iv been given a care coodinator for the next 12 weeks.she is going to help with my anxiety and depression and see if im entitled to any extra benefits.shes not a counciler but offer suport with me in my daily life.not 100% sure to be honest.it was a one hr meeting today and took down a lot of notes about my life..could have done with someone being hear with me to explain what it was she was talking about..but anyway ill know more next week when she comes back so will let you know more then..but sounds like some suport is going to happen
Sounds like it went well Greg and great that you are getting more support.
Hoping there is something to be found from Pulisa's suggestions. Worthwhile exploring all avenues to see your daughter.
I understand Mind will help with advocacy at meetings should you want support.
Please don't let people who don't know you make you feel bad about smoking, a small pleasure in the day and relief of stress especially for those with MH problems. If you really want to quit, for yourself that's fine but don't feel pressured. And no I don't smoke myself.
Yep lots of opitunities would be great if things can get sorted out.fingers crossed
MyNameIsTerry
15-09-15, 22:39
And that's why you didn't get those type of comments from me Greg. I was trying to think of ideas to help you make sure you continued to get access to your daughter. Ricardo was doing the same and one person directly attacked him for it and another made indirect skits.
I don't believe that anyone has come from a bad place. Sometimes to get better we have to hear things about ourselves we don't like, I know I have. I sincerely hope for your sake and your daughters you keep up contact
Bernie,
I did not attack anyone, an attack would be a much sterner post from me.
The post I responded to was painting a negative picture and it's incorrect and has happened before but seemed to end up with an apology. Why bring those same things up again and again ignore all the positives?
People may hear things they don't like from time to time but there is no need for labelling or choosing to only highlight the negative and discount the positive in the process.
I felt this was a resurrection of issues and that might be why it appeared this way to you as unprovoked if you haven't seen previous discussions.
---------- Post added at 22:39 ---------- Previous post was at 22:35 ----------
Thanks Crystal,
They used to have like and dislike buttons on the forum I was on before and they were quite good for saying thanks or showing appreciation of something funny someone did. They were also good to show opinion on the annoying things too.
Greenman50
15-09-15, 22:52
^^^^^
Huh ?
Wheres all that come from ?
All i see is Bernie and others helping out by spending there free time to help others .
MyNameIsTerry
15-09-15, 23:17
^^^^^
Huh ?
Wheres all that come from ?
All i see is Bernie and others helping out by spending there free time to help others .
The last two threads by Greg.
Bernie was helping. I only addressed one post. I didn't in the previous thread as my involvement would have caused a problem.
Greenman50
16-09-15, 00:32
Bernies post was not to you yet you replied , how strange .
I must be missing something .
Fark I feel for Greg,reading all this if it was me I would be curled up in a ball:mad:He is very gracious in hisreplies,
Greg keep on with your positivity.Do not let all the "negative"get to you,keep on smiling.
Petra xx:hugs:
Not again fellas. There's a time to keep your comments to yourselves. We're supposed to be helping Greg here. Ignore them Greg.
I hope the opportunities do open up for you. The Advocacy Service will send an advocate to meetings with you.
Good luck!
MyNameIsTerry
16-09-15, 02:31
Bernies post was not to you yet you replied , how strange .
I must be missing something .
I was the person that replied to Ricardo. Bernie posted about one person attacking him. So, I replied to Bernie.
I'm not sure what you are trying to suggest?
Well done Greg, you're doing really well and I love that you take other peoples advice on board without rising to any of the more provoking posts! ��
Can I suggest we have a 'like' button on posts as I often want to just click on something to show that I like what people have written.
Terry and Andy, I 'like' your posts! ☺️
This is what started yet more tension on NMP. Giving advise can either be taken or ignored and that is up to Greg. To say that some of us are writing provoking posts is purely said to stir things up yet again and Crystalhiggs you know it. There is absolutely no justification in writing that.IMO
it was totally unnecessary or maybe you wanted to cause friction with Greg left in the middle saying nothing.it looks like that to many people.
As for Terry it's not surprising that people get confused because you have an opinion on every thread even when it doesn't concern you, though you will say you always stick to the rules.I have learnt to accept that is the way you are so will not get into another argument with you.
I think Greg gets an enormous amount of support on here though in different ways and if my doctor gave me half that time,I would be well on the way to be being cured.:)
I think it really depends on what everyone sees as a "negative" post on this thread. Personally I'd prefer to receive some helpful constructive criticism in any situation. When discussing maintaining contact with a daughter with complex needs I think Greg needs to see that baby steps may not be sufficient to make progress and that he needs to make a concerted effort to make sure that he makes regular access a priority.
I know I mentioned small steps but this was in Gregs progress and not about getting to see his daughter. I agree with you pulisa.. If I had to walk 15 miles (or hundreds!) to see my daughter I would do it no matter what the weather or terrain... nothing would stop me. I am sure Greg will work something out to maintain the contact.
MyNameIsTerry
16-09-15, 09:15
Another take would be that Crystal saw what she believed to be an inflammatory post and has read the last couple of threads where what was said matched.
Personally, I don't know why that has happened again since on the previous thread it ended with an apology and acceptance based on others advising not to keep it going. Yet it seems it will just keep happening on every thread Greg raises going forward.
Ricardo - This is an open forum so anyone & everyone is free to comment. If not, I would like to see Nic telling us we are not allowed to post & why since it's HER website.
What rule have I broken? Offering counter evidence against your opinion? Is that in the rules? You completely ignored all the good work Greg has been doing to move forward and branded him as someone unwilling to change. Someone unwilling to change wouldn't have done any of those things I listed. It is your opinion, which you are entitled to, but so are the rest of us and we ahve the right to speak them. Or is it only your opinion that counts?
I believe Greg gets lots of responses because he is a nice guy, has been on here a while and has made some friends. Also, threads getting more responses often attract more hits. Greg can't help it if this happens, he can't set a quota for replies.
If you are referring to Greenman being confused, he merely needs to spin back a couple of pages. Or do you mean something else?
Pulisa - we need to remember we are not operating with all the facts here and Greg I understand has mentioned it is more complex. Baby steps is how Greg has been moving forward in general as I think Annie was saying, not with this. So, I expect he is taking everyone's advice on board. I see raking up the contents of peoples opinions from the last thread where it stopped, as a negative. Ig he has issues to sort out with an ex over this, I don;t see how he is making excuses, we both know that these things can be complicated. I see highlighting only the negative and not also showing the positive, as a negative - a way to bend the facts to fit the argument.
As for Terry it's not surprising that people get confused because you have an opinion on every thread even when it doesn't concern you, though you will say you always stick to the rules.I have learnt to accept that is the way you are so will not get into another argument with you.
Can't you read English Terry. I am not repeating it for a third time. You have a great gift of saying things to me in public,always trying to belittle me.Well it's water off a duck's back, and if you want to continue this kindly do it privately,for everyones sake.Can you manage that,please.
MyNameIsTerry
16-09-15, 09:40
Yes, I can read English. So, now you won't explain what you state. Why? Why put something out there then?
Belittle you? Really? When? Always? When?
Now you know we can't talk privately about it anyway. I have given admin grace on that and until I hear back, I wont' break that but you can't expect to say what you wish about people in public and they are not allowed to respond.
OK Terry
I wrote twice on this thread directly to Greg and on both occasions he thanked me in his response, so that's something you omitted from your previous post.
I maybe more direct than others and that's me. Of course people can respond, that's what a forum is about,but interfering is an entirely different matter. You are trying to belittle me and it's as plain as mud.
I am sorry Greg , I and a number of others think your way forward is different to Terry and others, as has been stated already on this thread.
Oh I will just say that this is my final post on this thread, regardless if Terry or others come back at me. I give my word on that.
MyNameIsTerry
16-09-15, 10:00
Ricardo,
I didn't include Greg thanking you, no. Your second post was completely different to your first anyway. I'm not sure why that is relevant anyway but perhaps Greg is just a nice guy?
You may see it as interferring but you are wrong. I saw your post as judgemental and highlighting Greg as a negative person who is unwilling to change. He has made quite a few changes this year and has become more positive due to that very fact and I'm not the only person stating this as can be seen.
We are all entitled to our beliefs and I don't see why they clash. In fact, I don't think they do because they are all equally useful in discussion to give Greg ideas to sift through BUT only when they are meant with Greg's best intentions in mind NOT for other reasons. If Greg chooses to do something and doesn't want to do another thing, well thats his decision and we shouldn't be taking that personally but thats not what I have seen.
As stated before, I am not trying to belittle you at all. I am stating that my opinion of Greg differs to yours. Why? Because I see the positives too. I don't see why you do not see them. It makes me question if you are choosing to ignore them. Why? To rake up a dead discussion from a previous couple of threads? For what purpose?
Quite frankly I find an accusation of belittling you staggering for reasons I have promised I wouldn't discuss. Respect for someone else is the only reason I am not.
Crystalhiggs
16-09-15, 11:31
This is what started yet more tension on NMP. Giving advise can either be taken or ignored and that is up to Greg. To say that some of us are writing provoking posts is purely said to stir things up yet again and Crystalhiggs you know it. There is absolutely no justification in writing that.IMO
it was totally unnecessary or maybe you wanted to cause friction with Greg left in the middle saying nothing.it looks like that to many people.
As for Terry it's not surprising that people get confused because you have an opinion on every thread even when it doesn't concern you, though you will say you always stick to the rules.I have learnt to accept that is the way you are so will not get into another argument with you.
I think Greg gets an enormous amount of support on here though in different ways and if my doctor gave me half that time,I would be well on the way to be being cured.:)
Get over yourself Ricardo I have better things to do with my time than try to cause issues on here. It was a lighthearted comment, I haven't been on here much lately so if you have some paranoia from other posts/threads then I'm afraid thats nothing to do with me.
You know you can choose how you react to things?!!!
The last 2 pages there has been no new support for Greg, just "discussion" of who is right and who is wrong. I don't know about Greg, but it's sure depressing me.
I hope Greg has the sense to ignore you.
Do let us know how the next meeting goes Greg.
The last 2 pages there has been no new support for Greg, just "discussion" of who is right and who is wrong. I don't know about Greg, but it's sure depressing me.
I hope Greg has the sense to ignore you.
Do let us know how the next meeting goes Greg.
Totally agree. This thread needs cleaning up by an admin, it's no place for bickering as to what some one should do with their lives. I admire the sufferer that is working to improve their situation, which Greg is doing.
XGreg for you :hugs::hugs:
You are a true Gentleman Greg,always remember that x:hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
16-09-15, 12:34
Turning Point looks a good thing as they work with people with complex needs as well so they will be well used to confronting lots of different barriers.
They operate employment services too so I expect they could help you out on that front mate.
http://www.turning-point.co.uk
Thanks again blue.apreciate that.x
Yes terry they do help with work and things so hopefully something good will come out of my visits.iv been through the system over the last year so be nice for a plesant change and something good hapen
I'd never heard of Turning Point before so I think that it's a good move for you to become involved with them and I think they could be of huge help to you with regard to helping you maintain regular contact with your daughter.
I keep going on about you keeping in touch with your daughter and I don't know the full story obviously but previously when you were very low you didn't feel motivated enough to approach your daughter whereas now you have that relationship back. I just think that keeping her in your life is essential to your mental wellbeing and for her as well as she needs a father especially with her complex diagnoses.
If I've been direct in urging you on it's because I don't want you to give up seeing your daughter purely because of limited funds.
Same for me Pulisa. Greg I have noticed such a huge change in you for the better since you have been seeing your daughter and I really hope that something can be worked out for you to keep that contact. Hopefully this lady from turning point can help x
Thanks annie/pulsa...me to.i will do whatever i can do to make it happen although it sounds to me like the every two week contact will prob not be poss.ill have to except second prize i guess
Don't accept second best, Greg, not when it affects your daughter. If your daughter wants this arrangement to continue then you should go all out to make it happen
Greenman50
16-09-15, 19:26
Another take would be that Crystal saw what she believed to be an inflammatory post and has read the last couple of threads where what was said matched.
Personally, I don't know why that has happened again since on the previous thread it ended with an apology and acceptance based on others advising not to keep it going. Yet it seems it will just keep happening on every thread Greg raises going forward.
Ricardo - This is an open forum so anyone & everyone is free to comment. If not, I would like to see Nic telling us we are not allowed to post & why since it's HER website.
What rule have I broken? Offering counter evidence against your opinion? Is that in the rules? You completely ignored all the good work Greg has been doing to move forward and branded him as someone unwilling to change. Someone unwilling to change wouldn't have done any of those things I listed. It is your opinion, which you are entitled to, but so are the rest of us and we ahve the right to speak them. Or is it only your opinion that counts?
I believe Greg gets lots of responses because he is a nice guy, has been on here a while and has made some friends. Also, threads getting more responses often attract more hits. Greg can't help it if this happens, he can't set a quota for replies.
If you are referring to Greenman being confused, he merely needs to spin back a couple of pages. Or do you mean something else?
Pulisa - we need to remember we are not operating with all the facts here and Greg I understand has mentioned it is more complex. Baby steps is how Greg has been moving forward in general as I think Annie was saying, not with this. So, I expect he is taking everyone's advice on board. I see raking up the contents of peoples opinions from the last thread where it stopped, as a negative. Ig he has issues to sort out with an ex over this, I don;t see how he is making excuses, we both know that these things can be complicated. I see highlighting only the negative and not also showing the positive, as a negative - a way to bend the facts to fit the argument.
Give it a rest Terry :whistles:
People will give there opinions if someone posts , if they don,t like the reply as long as its polite they can either take it on board or ignore and carry on as they are .....waiting for the replies they are hoping for , and they will never move forward , makes no odds to me although you do like to chuck your 2 pence worth in a reply even if the post was not to you and insult other members who do not share your opinion .
Your blowing everything out of proportion and dragging up your "perceived issues " from other Threads .
No need for it .
You have a hidden agenda ......sniping at other members from past posts to prove a point .
BTW ....i dont often say much but i,m far from confused and i really dont need to "spin back" a few pages to clue myself in thanks ! :noangel:..... its a simple matter of reading every old posts to know EXACTLY whats going on :scared15:.
You are not Admin or a moderator or Gregs spokesman so you should not be trying to mold the forum or its members to your views simply because you do not agree with their replies , nor does Greg need defending by you if you dont like the replies he gets he is a grown man not a child .
Its good advice
x
Can we all give this thread a rest now and for the books,i think terry is a good man and is not STICKING up for me,hes just saying what a couple of other members have said about a few coments
---------- Post added at 20:18 ---------- Previous post was at 20:16 ----------
Will do pulsa.thanks
Greenman50
16-09-15, 20:43
Hi Greg
To be clear ( for the book ) i never said Terry was not a good man .
I dont know him .
Yes ...its your post so i respect you have asked for it to be given a rest , i trust Terry and others will do the same and agree to disagree ?
Lets see
MyNameIsTerry
16-09-15, 22:43
I agree 100% with pulisa. I know you are trying your best and that you appreciate all the advice people are giving you.
Your daughter needs you too.
:doh:
Give it a rest Terry :whistles:
People will give there opinions if someone posts , if they don,t like the reply as long as its polite they can either take it on board or ignore and carry on as they are .....waiting for the replies they are hoping for , and they will never move forward , makes no odds to me although you do like to chuck your 2 pence worth in a reply even if the post was not to you and insult other members who do not share your opinion .
Your blowing everything out of proportion and dragging up your "perceived issues " from other Threads .
No need for it .
You have a hidden agenda ......sniping at other members from past posts to prove a point .
BTW ....i dont often say much but i,m far from confused and i really dont need to "spin back" a few pages to clue myself in thanks ! :noangel:..... its a simple matter of reading every old posts to know EXACTLY whats going on :scared15:.
You are not Admin or a moderator or Gregs spokesman so you should not be trying to mold the forum or its members to your views simply because you do not agree with their replies , nor does Greg need defending by you if you dont like the replies he gets he is a grown man not a child .
Its good advice
x
Like Greg said Give it a Rest, no need for this.Move On.:mad:
Whatever you do Greg, next time you have your daughter to stay and you are cooking with her don't do what I did today...this will make you laugh :D I was making tomato soup and the lid flew off the blender...my kitchen walls, units, floor and me all covered in tomato soup!! Took me ages to clean it all! :doh::doh:
Lol..ohh annie i can just see yhat as i read your post.that would have realy pissed me off if that happend to me...all that cleaning....dear ohh dear......get cleaning.lol
It took me ages to clean and I was 5 minutes late for an appointment (I hate being late!) but the positive is that there is still enough soup in the blender to eat :) I had to take my clothes off in the kitchen and put them straight in the washing machine! :D
I hate beeing late for things to...as you say,least you still have enough to eat.im suprised you cleaned all that up.spunds very messy
It was very messy, I phoned my husband after and he was quite impressed that I had coped with it so well and not sat down and cried. :)
Good for you annie.well done:doh:
I would have cried. For sure lol x
I would have cried. For sure lol x
I really can't believe I didn't as I was having a bad day anxiety wise anyway but it gave something for the added adrenaline to focus on! I worked so fast to get it cleaned up that I made myself dizzy but even that didn't worry me as I knew I had to be at the appointment! :D
Greenman50
17-09-15, 22:16
:doh:
Like Greg said Give it a Rest, no need for this.Move On.:mad:
Hi Blue Moon
Yes i did move on .....so has everyone else !
READ MY Post number 100 please ...
Hi Greg
To be clear ( for the book ) i never said Terry was not a good man .
I dont know him .
Yes ...its your post so i respect you have asked for it to be given a rest , i trust Terry and others will do the same and agree to disagree ?
Lets see
Please read properly before posting .
Congrats on pulling up my post AFTER I SAID to Greg "YES i agree ...lets give it a rest " ........your post has quoted me from my earlier post number 98 .
:whistles:
You felt the need to reply that is why you posted ( i knew someone would ) so take your own advice and move on i have and everyone else :0)
No need for the angry smiley ......Blimey !
Best wishes
xxx
MyNameIsTerry
17-09-15, 23:23
Come on, Greenman. If I am not going to address your response to me then I think you should be doing the same.
Move on and talk about the topic otherwise we may as well all have our say.
Greg, have the Turning Point people said what services they believe they can provide to you?
Greenman50
17-09-15, 23:47
Come on, Greenman. If I am not going to address your response to me then I think you should be doing the same.
Move on and talk about the topic otherwise we may as well all have our say.
Greg, have the Turning Point people said what services they believe they can provide to you?
Terry
Never mind the "come on Greenman"
A very well orcastrated post BTW , a dig at me and a question for Greg at the end ;0)
I,m NOT getting pulled up by Blue Moon when its HER mistake to be made an example of....or anyone else for that matter .
Thats being generous..... she knew dam well it was an older post but just had to reply :huh:......same as you have you were itching to reply ...lol..
Another Example of you sticking your 2 pence worth in when my reply was to someone else .
Just for once Terry ......move on and stop interfering with other members posts as if you own the place .
Lets be honest .....My " lets see " comment on who would let it drop fell on deaf ears by you and Blue moon .
Well done , i knew you would not let me down .
No doubt my comments will get pulled up and i risk a ban , but i,m buggered if i will let you or blue moon talk down to me after my earlier post to Greg .
Must dash i have a job to go to in the morning ...no rest for wicked !
xxx
Terry.not 100 % sure of the service they are going to offer me as yet.i think thats what the visit was all about,like a assesment..the lady is coming next week with a plan for me and to offer me a service.but not sure as yet mate which area they are going to help with..ill let you know next week when i have more info...:D
MyNameIsTerry
18-09-15, 09:21
the lady is coming next week with a plan for me and to offer me a service.
I didn't know they offered such an intimate service :winks:
These types of services tend to offer services like help with job application processes & job searching too so that might be helpful as they should have a good idea what is available out there. I haven't seen in the job centre for many years but when I did they used to had sod all and the papers had more in. I know they have a habit of advertising jobs on their website thhat they don't show on the machines in the centres as well.
Maybe they could give you an idea of any local groups that could help you too, socialising stuff?
I didn't know they offered such an intimate service :winks:
These types of services tend to offer services like help with job application processes & job searching too so that might be helpful as they should have a good idea what is available out there. I haven't seen in the job centre for many years but when I did they used to had sod all and the papers had more in. I know they have a habit of advertising jobs on their website thhat they don't show on the machines in the centres as well.
Maybe they could give you an idea of any local groups that could help you too, socialising stuff?
The NHS is full of surprises ;)
MyNameIsTerry
18-09-15, 09:55
The NHS is full of surprises ;)
A best mate of mine years ago was married to a nurse, crikey no man was safe when they were out! :roflmao: Not after they got together of course :D
I think my local NHS would be more inclined to be :whiplash:
Yea the local job center is full of agency work nowadays terry..all adverts are out sorted to them..then there is zero hrs contracts with most of the jobs.then you have to keep signing up with all the different agencys..its a nightmare mate..its not like the old days when the job centers had boards up with the jobs on them and a phone number that you just rang and got a interview..those easy days have gone..i do look on the NHS site to for porter jobs etc but dont ever see the kind of job that is any good for me.....terry the visit i had the lady did say they will try and help with the job search and see if im entitled to any extra bennefits.we are going to deal with that on the next visit
MyNameIsTerry
18-09-15, 10:37
It was always the armed forces all over the boards in my younger days. The funny thing was the jobcentre blacklisted several employers in my area as they had high staff turnovers because they were very poor employers and thesedays they list them no problem.
In my area, before my long sickness period, I could quit a job and be in another within days if I did general office work as it's low paid and high churn with the agencies.
Zero hour contracts are a pain. I knew someone on one of those doing care work and she couldn't wait to get out of it. They would just expect her to drop everything and get someone to look after her toddler and it was a few hours here, a few hours there and travelling all over the area.
A lot of the porters are volunteers now I think. One of my dad's mates drives the organs & blood around. :ohmy:
The problem can be that it's easier to get a job...when you already have one. But doing your volunteering will help you and it demonstrates a different skillset anyway since you are not chasing money but doing something worthwhile for others.
I also remember years ago when looking for a jib it was easy.you could be in a job one week and be in another the next week..also you could knock on doors in the industrial area and get work..those days are gone..but you are right about the contract work..you might get a day hear and a day there and you have to be avalible each day at the drop of a hat..so no planing.plus you then have to sign off your housing and sick benefits and keep signing on and off and thats a real pain getting housing started up again and once i sign off the sick i would only be able to sign on the doll after that and thats alot less so would end up getting in debt and loose my flat..i just cant risk this way
MyNameIsTerry
18-09-15, 11:10
As far as the jobcentre are concerned, you are employed and tough on those contracts. Then you get those companies that intend to take people on and sack them after a few weeks too and like you say, it's a mess as the benefits take a while to kick back in. No wonder people are in debt. One of the guys who I knew at the charity walk-in groups was trying to find work and the stupid jobcentre were trying to get him to apply over 40+ miles away so he would have ended up far worse off and thats in a city! He found work in Saudi in the end. One of the other blokes had similiar issue and whilst it was more 10 miles, it wasn't a straight bus route and his car needed repairing (catch 22 on that with no money) so he ended up getting a bike instead. It did him good in the end as he lost a couple of stone and was much fitter but it was hard at first going all that way and then working in a warehouse.
My last company would have have made me redundant if I had stayed as they shipped off to the "developing world" and sacked nearly a thousand people in several regions. They kept other offices open in the UK though.
Well thats one of the other isues terry for me...where i live im not on a straght forward bus route..unless i find a job in the town center which is highly unlikley..so i would have to get the only bus from where i live that only goes into town then another bus,dont get me wrong i dont have a problem getting two busses but its the cost at the end of the month.it all adds up..the bike idea isnt a prob only that in the crap weather its not fun and you turn up with your clothes soked and shoes and thats not noce when you are starting your day..you were luckey to get out of your job when you did mate,sounds like a good move for you.iv had a few jobs over the years and just think if i build up a few months in the charity shop it will help in my quest for when i do apply for a paid job if i can find one..will look good on my cv
MyNameIsTerry
18-09-15, 11:59
I'm the same. When I was thinking about your 15 miles to see your daughter, I thought about 2 towns near me that are about that distance. I have to go about 5 miles into the city centre to then come back at a similiar angle. It's just a long time as it can take an hour to get to the city centre in traffic at rush hour. I used to work further down the Midlands so used the trains and would be on the platform at 6am and back again at 8pm and then I had to bus it home so I'm used to the long days but it made me think of that with your situation.
One of the guys told me that the jobcentre tend not to care so they were worried about if it would affect their benefits but it worked out in the end for them, they just had to make them see sense on the distance issue and keep looking.
When I left one job I just signed up for basic office work to keep the cash coming in and it was at one of these towns but the agency had just placed another guy there and he was driving so they arranged a lift for me. It felt a bit weird but he was a great laugh and we had some right laughs on those journeys!
CharleneMac
18-09-15, 14:08
Go to social work and explain. They will do all they can to help you out. If u can get the bus then its a bus fare there and a taxi back so it wont cost u as much. Some companies will do a reduced fair if its a regular contract to. Dont give up :/ if it has to be a contact centre then so be it ... can i not speak to ur ex about why she wont do the pick up and drop offs ? She might do one way if u do the other ( the courts would agree to this because they have with me ) keep fighting x
I will be doing everythung poss to get the access back with my daughter.i will be getting a solicitor soon to help me with all this.
I'm sure that things are a lot more complex than what you are able to tell us on here..It's a good idea to get a solicitor on board if things are complicated.
Thanks pulsa.well thats what i am going to do hopefully with the right suport ill get things sorted once and for all
MyNameIsTerry
19-09-15, 04:53
Probably a good idea to have a formal agreement in place that everyone sticks to. It's nice that exs can set them up informally but at times the person the child stays with mostly can use them as a weapon and doing this with solicitors involved can backfire on them.
Well after this next meeting i will be trying to get that in place terry.if the meeting dsnt go my way i will get a solicitor to guide me through the process and get things sorted for me and my girl
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