Punishing myself for mistakes

[wendy]

Hi

I have made a lot of mistakes in my past and caused upset to my family, my mum in particular, she only likes me when I do as she likes me to do but in the same respect always is there for me financially, As a result of these issues I have told a lot of lies to her, She doesnt know me as I have to try and be someone else to make her love me, infact I behave like this with most people! I hate myself so much sometimes Im afraid to be me incase everyone hates me as much as I hate myself

I cant stop punishing myself for these mistakes and keep re-living them in my mind, I think I am a bad person who Is suffering like this as a pay back,

how can I put my mistake right and stop punishing myself?

Wendy x

[Rennie1989]

Punishing yourself will make you feel bad.

Try praising yourself for things which you do right like paying the bills, doing something creative (knitting, sewing, painting, writing a novel) and all sorts. Keep doing this and you'll feel alot better.

"My teddy last night was a paper bag, to keep my safe."

[pamella]

i hav always been black sheep of family for doing stupid things.major ones at that, and like u lie to my mum as i feel she disapproves of me so much.u cant change the past and i think as long as ur honest wit yourself thats wot matters.u hav to learn to lov youself and accept that U did wot U thought was rite at the time.its in the past so learn from it and hopefully ule be able to move on.

pjrobb

[happyone]

Your post struck a cord with me. I yearn for my mum's approval, yet I know she loves me unconditionally. I know she disapproves of some of the things I do or say sometimes and that really hurts, yet she doesn't actually say anything to me. Sometimes I get angry as I think she has a rose tinted memory of my childhood, which was by and large wonderful but some parts were blooming awful. She has chosen to forget those bits.
On talking through issues with a counsellor a few years ago she said to me
'why tell your mum everything?' and really, why indeed? She pressed me further into looking at the role I had now. I was an adult with adult choices to make, but I was reverting to my childhood in telling my mum everything.
I don't tell her everything any more. We are still very close and I love her more than I could say, but I have had to learn that it isn't always appropriate to tell her something. I like to think of it as protecting her. She is my mum and does such an awful lot for me.

So in short, try not to worry about lying to your mum. Not very many mums know huge details of their grown up childs life.
Let the past go, forgive yourself. Talk through what did happen with the appropriate people if you think it will help.
Try and learn to love yourself. This worry about what people think of you shows that you care and there's a good one to start with, tell yourself you are a caring person.
We've all made mistakes hunny, we have to let them go.
Happyone
xx

"Just for today I will not worry. Just for today I will not anger" Dr Usui, founder of Reiki

[Lynnann]

Hi there,

Its called being human hunni, we all make mistakes and what happens is that we learn from them. Punishing yourself for the past ony causes more heartache. You need to start loving and liking yourself.

Hugs to you

Lynnann