Hate new job-want to leave-panic is awful

[positivegirly]

Hi guys
I need some help,Iv suffered with anxiety since I was 15, il be 30 next month and it's gotten easier to manage over the years as I take citalopram and rescue remedy helps me too. I don't react very well to change and unfortunately it sets off my anxiety to the point it stops me doing things. As I say Iv gotten better over time but just last year my hours at my job (that I was lucky enough to love) got greatly reduced and I was faced with redundancy-I managed to keep half my hours but I had just booked my wedding for next year and needed a full time job to help pay for it...so I enrolled at college and took a course in business admin to help me find a better paying job. I coped surprisingly well with this change and eventually passed and started interviewing for jobs (again coped well with interviews) I got offered the 2nd job I went for as a receptionist in a clinic, Iv been there just under two weeks and I cannot believe how much I hate it already and my anxiety and panic has come back in full force, I'm a complete mess, not eating properly as I haven't had much of an appetite, constant worrying,waking up at 2-3-4am worrying and not being able to go back to sleep which leaves me exhausted by the end of the day and I'm so miserable and emotional,I'm crying every day and getting so wound up by the worry I'm falling asleep just to get some peace! They haven't trained me properly, I'm with a girl I'm not very keen on-she makes me feel like I'm incompetent and a nuisance to her,she left me on my own today for most of the shift and I'm not ready for that yet, Iv told the supervisor but she didn't seem very fussed and said I'm doing fine and that today was a good tester to see how I cope on my own but Iv already explained I don't feel up to it after only 2 weeks! I'm seriously thinking of quitting and am already thinking of contacting my old job to see if they will have me back-I'm sure they would but I just don't know what to do anymore I'm literally at breaking point. Any advice or opinions would be very much appreciated :(

[misslove]

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I'll tell you that not being able to handle having a job is a fear I have. I am fortunate enough that my husband makes enough money that I don't need to work. But if he is every hurt idk if I could pick up the slack. Your literally obligated to give your time. Your stuck there. You have to deal with people even if u have an attack. I feel for you and understand your pain. I deeply suggest that you find a job that you are comfortable with. Many employees don't understand anxiety they just say take pills and do your job. Maybe you could tell your coworkers that you need a few minutes to yourself if you have an attack. Also once you get some experience with your job you will be more confident. anxiety is a horrible thing to have by itself. Is it worth having a job that makes you more miserable then any job should?

[positivegirly]

Thanks for your reply,
I just don't know what to do, I'm so tempted to give my old boss a ring or pop in to see whether I could have my old job back, I won't be earning the money I need but at the very least il be happier and most probably healthier, im not eating properly right now, I feel nausea most of the time because I'm worrying but then it's also because I'm not eating properly that I feel this way-I know its not good and I should be eating but I just cannot face a meal right now, my stomach hurts and I know it's stress and anxiety that's causing it. As you can see I'm up again in the early hours with no need to be-I don't have work today so should be enjoying the weekend lie in but nope! I'm up again and first thing that pops into my head is the dreaded job :( As I write this I'm thinking this is all just not worth my health, like you say is it really worth it? I only got this job for the money as I'm getting married and would like to move in with my future husband but if I can't cope with this job then unfortunately we will just have to live apart and save until we have enough to do it. I think I'm going to go in on Monday and speak with the manager about this, they are not aware i suffer with anxiety and if I'm honest about what's happening to me hopefully they will understand my desire to leave after such a short time, it's just something I can't help, I feel ashamed and embarrassed to go back to my old job but if it means a happier me then surely that's got to be the right decision?

[ana]

I'm sorry to hear about the things you're going through at the moment. I have to say, though, your story resonates with me even though I'm in a slightly different position than yours.
Much like you, I want to leave the job I'm in, and I've been struggling with anxiety and panic that seems to be at its worst when I've got to go to work. Even thinking about work makes me feel like I want to cry, and I break into a cold sweat whenever I'm asked to see my boss. I'm currently not working full-time due to circumstances, but the boss has promised me full working hours as soon as one of the colleagues retires and I dread that moment more than anything as I feel like this isn't the right job for me.

At the same time, I'm struggling with the feelings of guilt as I know I should be grateful to be working at all in this day and age, and the job is not so bad after all, but it doesn't make me happy and it doesn't fulfil me. I've not got another job to transfer to so I'm just gritting my teeth and plodding on.

If you've got your old job to go back to and if you feel like you'll feel more at ease working there, then if I were you, I'd seriously consider giving my old boss a ring. Your anxiety is an indication that something isn't right at the moment, and I think life with anxiety and panic attacks is hard enough without us making it even harder on ourselves by staying in jobs that make us feel awful. :)

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

[Pepperpot]

Did you say you were in a clinic? A doctors clinic?

[sial72]

My opinion, if I was in this situation I would definitely try for your old job, because due to health reasons, I would always go for feeling well over money xx
But that depends on wether you can afford to do that x

[positivegirly]

Thanks for all your replies, feels so nice to know I'm not on my own, so after yet another night of broken sleep and waking at 4am I decided enough is enough and took the decision to go back to my old boss and he was more than happy to have me go back, I haven't signed anything yet but he has said he is happy to give me some hours. I am yet to tell my new manager as they are not back until Monday but I just couldn't go another day without sorting something out so at the very least I know I have a job to go to. Now is the panic setting in on what I'm going to say on Monday, I was going to ring and tell them but I think I should do the decent thing and go in to explain, plus I need to return my uniform etc. I keep going over it and over it but I think Iv done the right thing. Any advice for Monday morning? Do I call or go down there?

[ana]

Congratulations on making the decision that felt the best for you! I'm glad to hear your old boss was pleased to have you come back. Personally, I think you should go in and explain as it will come across as more professional, and besides, it will make you feel better to get out of the house and accomplish something important i.e. leaving the job that was making you feel miserable. Sundays are always tricky as your mind keeps going to that back-to-work-tomorrow-anxiety, but try and relax as much as you can and keep your mind off it. If it feels like you've done the right thing, then you've done the right thing. Congrats on being brave :)

[sial72]

I think you have made a good decision, I personally would go in person, doing the right thing will give you peace of mind. You don't necessarily have to go into too many details if you don't want but just let them know. Good luck tomorrow x

[positivegirly]

Hi guys,
Thanks again for the replies, I still didn't sleep well last night, 3am this time I was awake, panic set in again but I think it's because I'm waiting to let them know I won't be coming back and also the realisation I will be going back to my old job, that's hard to get my head round as I was already gone from there a while ago in my mind I had already left it behind me, now I'm going back! And I want to make a good impression as they have done me a huge huge favour by having me back. I don't think il be able to eat or sleep properly until I'm back in my old place, I guess I just have to deal with this awful feeling for a few more days huh? There's not much I can do about it today as they are closed but tomorrow il be fretting :( I was thinking to phone them and tell them as if I go in I'm risking seeing the other staff there and feeling stupid and embarrassed, I wouldn't be in uniform as I need to give it back so they will think that's strange and also I'm not even too sure the actual manager-the person I need to speak to is even there tomorrow as I know he travels between clinics, my family say to just ring in case he isn't there, at least then I can say I need to speak with him but I won't be in today then maybe I could phone recruitment if he isn't there and explain my situation to them? I think recruitment is like HR right? Oh please someone help me I don't know what is best to do!!

[sial72]

Yeah, you could phone recruitment.
Don't lose sleep over wanting to make a good impression in your old job, the fact that they are taking you back means they are happy with you xx

[23tana]

You're going to have to go in at some point to return your uniform. It might as well be sooner rather than later. It may be a little awkward seeing everyone, but you'll only be there a few minutes then it will be all over.

Good luck.

[positivegirly]

Thank you guys for your support, I think I'm going to go with the phone call as I'm scared they will ask me to stay for the rest of the day and also I'm still not sure the manager is even there, I'm due in at 8.30 tomorrow morning so I'm going to call in at 8.15 and hope he is already there, if not I'm sure they will call me when they realise I haven't turned up, but I will keep trying to get through, I'm sure someone will answer so I can ask to be called back, I feel nervous and panicky about the call but once it's done it's done, over and I can move on and start to get back to normal. My partner has offered to take all my uniform back so that I don't have to go back there, I don't know, maybe I should face it and do that once Iv spoken to them, i guess it's just a waiting game now until the morning, I won't sleep I know I won't and il feel sick and worried all night long but I guess I have to go through it, I'm coming round to the idea it's for the best and I feel so much better knowing that from tomorrow morning after this phone call il be able to breathe a sigh of relief, I have a big support around me so I'm just grateful I have people I can speak to and who understand, no matter what they say on the phone I will be strong and tell them Iv made a decision and I'm sticking by it.

[positivegirly]

Ok so I'm up and panicking now about the phone call, I feel sick and now I'm even imagining I will still be like this tomorrow when I go back to my old job, I know everybody at my old job apart from a few new people that started in the week after I left so I should feel fine right? But I don't, I feel nervous and scared to go back :( I can't let this go on because I need to be earning money, I'm only doing 4hrs tomorrow morning then iv been asked to go back in the evening to work another 4hrs if I can, I just need to tough this out because I'm almost sure once I'm back there it will feel like I never left, I didn't want to leave in the first place so I'm hoping going back will be a great big relief for me and hoping it gets me back to normal, I think the fear is working overtime in my head and as much as I try to forget it I struggle to make it go away, my family try to understand but sometimes I think they must think I'm crazy, I think my partner thinks because i worked there for years it will be easy to go back but it's not! I think this is bothering me more than the phone call I have to make in an hours time, I do need to remember though that I was brave enough to go back and ask for my job back, if I can do that then surely I can actually go back there to work, everyone was pleased to see me and all seemed to be very supportive about what had happened but now I'm thinking the nerves will get the better of me and I won't be able to go in, I can't let that happen, I need to pull myself together and just face that fear. I think this past two weeks has ruined me, my confidence and self esteem has just taken a nose dive and I feel useless and most of all scared I won't ever go back to normal, how I was before this job, I'm still not eating or sleeping properly and I'm really trying hard to get that back to normal, when will this feeling stop? I can't stand it :(

[23tana]

By the time I write this the phone call should be all done. How did it go?

Don't be too hard on yourself. Anyone would be nervous starting a new job. It will feel odd for you going back to your old job and seeing new people there. Just treat them as you want to be treated.

I hope you settle back into a decent sleep pattern soon.

[positivegirly]

Hi, thanks for your reply, yes the phone call is done although it went completely unexpected, it wasn't just one phone call I had to go all round the houses to speak to the right people but I got there in the end but Iv had such a morning of it! I am pleased it's over and even they said it was just a case of the job not suiting me and that's not something to feel bad about although I do because I wanted it to work out and really thought I had this fantastic new job but at the end of the day I'm just happy to be away from there and hopefully I can now move on although I'm scared about what comes next but I strongly believe everything happens for a reason and this was obviously meant to happen for some reason or another and it has really knocked me, I hope I can just go back to normal now that's behind me and the one thing I know from all of this is that I can cope with a horrible situation and I can get myself back on track, I have sorted all the phone calls when I could have just sat back and let it all get on top of me but I prevented that and I can pat myself on the back for that because it was hard! Especially suffering with anxiety! I am proud I did that but I'm also disappointed I couldn't make it work, but then again I guess nothing is perfect and this was just one of those things. I am very grateful for all the replies, it's a great support network that I value a lot, in the early hours when I'm blind with panic I turn to here because I know I won't be judged and the advice is great. Now all I have to face tomorrow is going back to work with my old place, I'm nervous but I think il be accepted back with open arms and once I'm there and I'm busy It will feel like I never left, they keep telling me it will be like Iv had two weeks holiday (stressful holiday!) but no doubt il be back on here tonight panicking about it!

[23tana]

Well done! What a success!

Tomorrow will be easy after today and all the worrying you've done up to it. Take a deep breath, have a relaxing soak in the bath and sleep well. You deserve it :)

[positivegirly]

Hi guys, well I'm up again, since 4am and I'm very nervous about going back to my old job today, I'm so tense and anxious, feeling sick because Iv hardly eaten a thing which my body just isn't used to, normally I have a big appetite but I just can't seem to stomach anything, I know it's bad because I should eat and I know this but I just don't want anything. I had a headache yesterday after all the phone calls but obviously I hadn't eaten much and literally had to force myself to have a ham roll and a small yogurt just to settle my stomach and help get rid of my headache. I'm worried I won't cope today because I won't be able to eat before I go to work due to nerves, I'm hoping I can force down a cup of tea at least, it's an awful feeling :(

[qwertypert]

Hey,

I've just read your post and have to ask how it went today?
I'm hoping it went well for you!

It was interesting to read your thread as I have been in both positions - the anxious employee and the employer of an unhappy and/or anxious employee. At the time I hadn't even thought that my employee could be suffering from anxiety and feel guilty I didn't recognise it.

Anyway, hope you had a great day!

[positivegirly]

Hey thanks for your reply, I braved it and went in although I felt awful, I actually left way too early and drive round for 15mins to get my head together, strange I always feel a bit better once I'm out of the house, it must be the fresh air that helps clear my head but anyway I was completely embarrassed the whole day when all my work mates kept coming up to me to ask what happened, I got the feeling some of them didn't like the fact I'd come back, but I just can't worry about other people at the moment, the fact is I'm back to my old comfortable job and I'm earning some money, I also worked up a bit of an appetite after tonight's shift, not mega but I was hungry enough to eat something so that's got to be good and now I'm actually getting tired so here's hoping for a good nights sleep! xx

[23tana]

Well done positivegirly. You did soo good. It can only get easier now. :yesyes:

[positivegirly]

Oh no :(
I woke up at 2.30am with a horrible stomach ache and then felt so sick, this then turned into a full on full blown panic attack, body shaking from head to toe, it lasted about 10mins, it's left me exhausted but I can't sleep, I can't lie down as it makes me feel worse, I have to be at work in 5hrs :weep: I can't stand this, how am I ever going to get better?? I thought I was doing ok when I went to bed but now this? Please someone help me:weep:

[23tana]

I hope you are back to sleep and not reading this.

You are doing really well. You've achieved so much the last few days. You probably have a lot of adrenaline in your system and your brain has been trained to panic when that happens.

Deep breaths, concentrate on the positives and let the feelings run over you. You'll do fine :bighug1:

[positivegirly]

Thank you so much for replying, I can't get back to sleep, I really want to and my body does but soon as I lie down I get that feeling again :( I'm sure it's because I haven't eaten much at all and it's hunger that's causing my stomach to churn ibut I just cannot face any food, I try but I just don't want it, I hope this feeling leaves me soon, I'm scared il loose ,y job over it as if I have to go sick from work it won't look good especially as I just started back there, I'm so scared xx