daphnem
12-09-15, 20:44
Lately, all I can think about is my... uh, boobs. My left one, specifically. I feel kind of awkward talking about all the symptoms in detail, but here goes, because I really need some kind of reassurance that I'm going to be alright. I think breast cancer has always been my biggest health anxiety problem- it's come and go ever since I was really young. I remember saying to my mum even when I was only about five that I could feel some kind of hardness around that area- I don't know whether that should make me feel better or worse, since it's something I've kind of always had... whenever I feel, they do feel normal overall but then when I press down hard I can feel hard areas but I don't know whether this is just, say, my ribs or something else that SHOULD be there. I've heard people say that if you really look hard enough for lumps then of course you're going to find them, and I guess (or I HOPE) that's just what I'm doing and that I'm just thinking too much about it. Of course I've Googled symptoms, and I don't really have any of the ones that I read about- visually, my main things have been quite recent. Like, kind of below my nipple there's this little 'spot'? I don't know how to explain it- it's not a spot, but it's SOMETHING small. And then there's also this really tiny scab-type thing that's been on my breast for a few weeks now. It sounds stupid writing that down but I guess I'm just really vigilant towards EVERYTHING now, no matter how small.
I should probably point out that I'm only 15 (and I'm also a vegetarian, don't smoke, and considering going vegan, largely because of my fear of cancer), so I know it's unlikely for me to have cancer and i'm still developing, etc etc, but it's gotten to the point where I've started to 'accept' that I have it. I feel really jealous of people who are healthy, even though as far as I know, I'm healthy too. And I feel empathy towards people who DO have it, which is completely ridiculous. I don't want to go to my GP about this- I always avoid going anyway with the fear of finding out the worst, and I feel like with something like this they wouldn't really take me seriously (plus, I'd be way too embarrassed). It's ruining my life, honestly. If it's not this that I'm worried about, it'll be something else. I just want to not spend every single day worrying- I feel like I'm wasting my life.
Anyway, this was a pretty long post and I'm sorry if it's a little detailed or too much information haha, I just really need to get this off my chest. No pun intended.
I should probably point out that I'm only 15 (and I'm also a vegetarian, don't smoke, and considering going vegan, largely because of my fear of cancer), so I know it's unlikely for me to have cancer and i'm still developing, etc etc, but it's gotten to the point where I've started to 'accept' that I have it. I feel really jealous of people who are healthy, even though as far as I know, I'm healthy too. And I feel empathy towards people who DO have it, which is completely ridiculous. I don't want to go to my GP about this- I always avoid going anyway with the fear of finding out the worst, and I feel like with something like this they wouldn't really take me seriously (plus, I'd be way too embarrassed). It's ruining my life, honestly. If it's not this that I'm worried about, it'll be something else. I just want to not spend every single day worrying- I feel like I'm wasting my life.
Anyway, this was a pretty long post and I'm sorry if it's a little detailed or too much information haha, I just really need to get this off my chest. No pun intended.