hheavenlyangel
15-09-15, 00:07
I sit here today, anxious more than I have been in a long long time, I look around to see what things have changed in my life to trigger this current bout of anxiety. I can go weeks without a problem and then I will have anxiety for weeks on end. I reached for the door knob to warm the car up this morning and there was a surge of anxiety - electric in nature, the warmth that followed and that emptiness in the pit of my stomach. It was for but a millisecond but the memory of that lasts through the day. Anxious about having a panic attack. This current bout of anxiety started last week when a work colleague said after a dizzy spell "I hope I don't have a brain tumor", well its not his fault, he doesn't know I have health anxiety. This sentence sent me into a spin, I was convinced I had a brain tumor - off course that is what is wrong, it wouldn't be fluid in the ear no no, its a brain tumor! Sigh..... Then started the other triggers one after the other they reared its ugly head(s) some that I have not thought of in years.... they all came to fruition this past weekend. I am a walking ball of anxiety and I feel like I need to go into hospital for some intensive therapy and some really good calming drugs. So again I look to see what has changed in my life as I know changes triggers my anxiety. I have recently re-started a course I started 2 years ago. The feelings of inadequacy, am I too stupid to finish, will my husband want me to do this or that. I also want to join up at the gym again but again, all I can hear in my head is "you're never home to do anything anymore". You're such an addict - which in part is true. Once I set my head on something (Usually creative) I just want to keep on going and going and going. So here I am today, anxious over nothing in particular, im just anxious. Waiting.... waiting for those dreaded electric jolts I am so familiar with and those feelings of guilt over nothing..