It's been a while

[Notlrac87]

Hello no more panic, it's been over 2 years since I first visited this wonderful site and spilled the beans about my secret health anxiety. The open and honest advice given to me was the push I needed to be seen by the doctors I was diagnosed with a cancer focused health anxiety coupled with mild to moderate depression. I was given citalopram I took for six months before taking myself off them and telling my doctor I was never taking them again. I've since managed my depression and anxieties and cope really well now. With constant moral support from my doctor, my family and my friends.

Sadly I need to vent about my anxiety I have one swollen tonsil and it's worrying me sick I know I shouldn't have Googled it but I did *yes I slapped myself for it, yes it hurt* I'm making an appointment with my doctor 1st thing in the morning and although he knows my anxiety is cancer based that makes him all the happier to see me if something has changed (for example I had what I thought was a lump on my testicles turns out harmless cyst) anyway venting aside.

Thank you no more panic you helped me get my life back. Now to deal with this.

P.S. if you're wondering why I stopped the anti depressants it was because although I stopped feeling depressed I also stopped feeling anything Love - nothing, Laughter - nothing, even my sense of right and wrong often seemed skewed not that I acted on it but my moral compass felt off I had mental blacks pots where I'd done everyday tasks "pay bills, shopping, etc" that I woke up from having not known how or when I'd done it I lost days it scared me more than the depression so I came off it if I have to suffer sadness for a sound mind memory and to enjoy happiness then so be it. Has anyone else had this kind of experience on anti depressants because my fiancee went through similar feelings when she had citalopram.

TL;DR
- was depressed and anxious
- got help and feeling better
- rant about swollen tonsil
- rant about anti depressants.

[catsandnaps]

Ahhh, don't you go slapping yourself! Give yourself a big hug to make up for it!
Most of your post is very hopeful, and I love hearing stories where it gets better. Swollen tonsils sound like just a little snag in your recovery. While you were Googling, did you happen upon signs of a cold or flu? Even strep throat? Not fun stuff to go through, but all incredibly common. This is not meant to diminish what you're feeling at all, I'm just shining light on other options besides cancer.
Interesting rant on anti depressants. I usually keep my experiences with medication to myself because I don't want to discourage someone from trying them. But I had similar reactions with SSRIs. Very blank emotions. I wasn't happy, I wasn't sad, I really had no idea what I was. And my memory was shot, too. My main problem was misplacing my car keys and forgetting to lock my front door. I didn't feel like I lost days, but looking back on years, it's very hard to recall memories. But again, this is just my experience, and my body tends to act backwards on medication.
Keep us posted, I'm sending good thoughts to you for continued healing!!

[Notlrac87]

Thank you catsandnaps I was mainly just ranting. I wouldn't discourage anyone from taking anti-depressants when recommended by their gp. But I needed to know o wasn't the only one with that reaction to the meds. I have looked up signs of cold, tonsillitis, strep throat etc but I have no symptoms other than the swollen tonsil. No soreness, no difficulty swallowing, just this huge tonsil taking up a third of the back of my throat. I'm sure *with my new positive outlook* that it is most likely nothing. But better to be safe than sorry and I can go over my feelings with my doctor again. And even if (big if) if it is something sinister I am doing the right thing by seeking help rather than worrying myself into oblivion. Also if it's sinister I believe I'm catching it early..... ish..... I think..... I hope *deep breath*

---------- Post added at 09:54 ---------- Previous post was at 07:01 ----------

So I can't get into the doctors today.... I really want this seen to asap but stupid work must get in the way of health atm I missed all slots for the doctor today thanks to a supervisor having a go at me for not being 100% focused but he's one of these that doesn't understand how much mental health can impact you at work. By rights I should report him to management but that will just cause more hassle I'll leave it. Must ring doctors first thing in the morning and in the mean time try not to worry.

[sial72]

I can absolutely relate to how you felt on antidepressants. I would rather "over-feel" than "under-feel" if you know what I mean lol...
You are taking the right steps, just go to the doc when you can and if you want to carry on feeling better DO NOT GOOGLE big slap!! Google is not our friend...xxx