annnaa
15-09-15, 18:44
Hi everyone! First of all I just want to thank all of the wonderful support you've given me since I posted my first thread, which was in June. My life has changed so much over the past 2 weeks. I realised I couldn't handle another school year with this problem so I told my Dad (who of course told my mum) and he told me he could relate to me when he was younger. He instantly found me a free therapist and last week I went to visit one. It was SOOO nerve-wracking but it felt better than I'd expected.
ever since the start of the new school year, I found some handy ways to calm down during a stressful situation. like Wednesday last week, i had to present my caricature of Elvis Presley in front of the class. it annoyed me how my friend called my name when the teacher asked the class "who didn't come forward yet?" OH BUT IT WENT SO WELL!!!! It made my day, especially because this one friend knows I can be sooo awkward when talking in front of people. I didn't talk like I suddenly didn't care anymore, but I could relax and take deep breaths when I was speaking. Damn i felt proud... can anyone relate to this??:noangel:
Next day we had to do this debate and i told myself i had to do it anyway so there was no need to worry. i took deep breaths and again, I wasn't the loudest of the group, but i was pleased with my "performance".
The thing is that I can't have 2 decent days in a row.... can anyone relate? like the day after the debate i felt so confident i could give a 1 hour presentation. but the next day i felt insecure all over again, partly because i know that if something good happens, the bad is already lurking. it's like i'll have to live with the fear of losing my confidence, even when confident. this is one of these moments when i feel stuck and i just wish to disappear.
Today it's Tuesday, and the day after tomorrow i have to bring a collage to school in which i present my hobbies, personality, goals, etc. The thing is that i know i can do it!!!! i could do it last week, when presenting my caricature?! but still.... the teacher doesn't even consider it a presentation. she's just like "just come forward and present yourself" like it's not even a big deal. Having to come forward and talk, that's one thing, but talking about myself? i'm just scared of everyone's opinion. i don't talk much so people don't know me very well and i'm actually pretty boring although i'm trying to work on it. for example: i LOVE reading but everyone is always like "reading is for losers". and even if i had the guts to tell my class i like reading, i wouldn't be able to handle the "ughs" and the giggles.
Sometimes i have the feeling people (like teachers) have never had a person with social anxiety disorder in their class. i hate it when my classmates only stress about a presentation because of the grades they will get for it. I don't even care about the grades. the only thing i want is that it goes well, without any awkward moments and then the teacher may give me 10 out of 20 (i don't know how British people use grades) i wouldn't care at all. Btw i'm actually very good at giving presentations. last year i got the highest grade for my presentation(because i learned it completely by heart and spend a week on the preparation). it's always the best or the worst. I know which one i want, but it's like my body doesn't want to work along.
Xx anna
ever since the start of the new school year, I found some handy ways to calm down during a stressful situation. like Wednesday last week, i had to present my caricature of Elvis Presley in front of the class. it annoyed me how my friend called my name when the teacher asked the class "who didn't come forward yet?" OH BUT IT WENT SO WELL!!!! It made my day, especially because this one friend knows I can be sooo awkward when talking in front of people. I didn't talk like I suddenly didn't care anymore, but I could relax and take deep breaths when I was speaking. Damn i felt proud... can anyone relate to this??:noangel:
Next day we had to do this debate and i told myself i had to do it anyway so there was no need to worry. i took deep breaths and again, I wasn't the loudest of the group, but i was pleased with my "performance".
The thing is that I can't have 2 decent days in a row.... can anyone relate? like the day after the debate i felt so confident i could give a 1 hour presentation. but the next day i felt insecure all over again, partly because i know that if something good happens, the bad is already lurking. it's like i'll have to live with the fear of losing my confidence, even when confident. this is one of these moments when i feel stuck and i just wish to disappear.
Today it's Tuesday, and the day after tomorrow i have to bring a collage to school in which i present my hobbies, personality, goals, etc. The thing is that i know i can do it!!!! i could do it last week, when presenting my caricature?! but still.... the teacher doesn't even consider it a presentation. she's just like "just come forward and present yourself" like it's not even a big deal. Having to come forward and talk, that's one thing, but talking about myself? i'm just scared of everyone's opinion. i don't talk much so people don't know me very well and i'm actually pretty boring although i'm trying to work on it. for example: i LOVE reading but everyone is always like "reading is for losers". and even if i had the guts to tell my class i like reading, i wouldn't be able to handle the "ughs" and the giggles.
Sometimes i have the feeling people (like teachers) have never had a person with social anxiety disorder in their class. i hate it when my classmates only stress about a presentation because of the grades they will get for it. I don't even care about the grades. the only thing i want is that it goes well, without any awkward moments and then the teacher may give me 10 out of 20 (i don't know how British people use grades) i wouldn't care at all. Btw i'm actually very good at giving presentations. last year i got the highest grade for my presentation(because i learned it completely by heart and spend a week on the preparation). it's always the best or the worst. I know which one i want, but it's like my body doesn't want to work along.
Xx anna