littlebutterflygb
16-09-15, 01:48
After waiting over 2 years, I finally began my therapy with the Psychologist about 5 months ago. It's meant to be weekly, but Psychologists appear to get a lot of holidays as we've only had 16 sessions in that time and the first 4 were 'getting to know each other' sessions.
It's a struggle to get there because of the agoraphobia; getting in a taxi and going there alone is the hardest thing I do and yes, I've had bad panic attacks in his Office. It's very difficult to trust someone else (other than Hubby) to be 'panicked' with and I still don't trust him 100%. Such is the nature of panic I guess.
The sessions wern't so bad to begin with - yes sometimes upsetting - but I'd kinda bounce back after a few days. Now we're halfway through, and I'm no longer bouncing. I'm flat - very flat.:sad:
I keep asking myself 'why am I going?' It's a struggle to get there, I'm not sure I trust him, I always panic to some degree when I am there and I'm now depressed as hell.:weep:
He wants me to make some goals - that is scaring the crap out of me. I feel like just staying in my bedroom again. I spent best part of two years in my bedroom and another 15 largely in my house - but the fear and depression are making me feel like I want to go back there.
It's a struggle to get there because of the agoraphobia; getting in a taxi and going there alone is the hardest thing I do and yes, I've had bad panic attacks in his Office. It's very difficult to trust someone else (other than Hubby) to be 'panicked' with and I still don't trust him 100%. Such is the nature of panic I guess.
The sessions wern't so bad to begin with - yes sometimes upsetting - but I'd kinda bounce back after a few days. Now we're halfway through, and I'm no longer bouncing. I'm flat - very flat.:sad:
I keep asking myself 'why am I going?' It's a struggle to get there, I'm not sure I trust him, I always panic to some degree when I am there and I'm now depressed as hell.:weep:
He wants me to make some goals - that is scaring the crap out of me. I feel like just staying in my bedroom again. I spent best part of two years in my bedroom and another 15 largely in my house - but the fear and depression are making me feel like I want to go back there.