View Full Version : just like to ask
As some of you know I've been on here a long time and I've seen a lot of people come and go maybe because they have got better which is great to here, but for me I still am strugling with the anxiety everyday with it now for 9yrs and I can't help thinking that I'm the only one who has had it for so long and only got slightly better over the yrs and always think why doesn't ever let upand if I'm doing everything wrong 'as some of you know I've done cbt a few times but only helped a little. Think wat I'm trying to ask is there other members on here that has had it a long time and feels anxiouse most of the day and how do they cope with it as everday I think I'm the only one that has had it for so long and doubt myself that its not gad Its got to be something else.sorry for posting again but think I just abit of reasurance that I'm not the only one.
MyNameIsTerry
18-09-15, 11:38
Hi Tricia,
I've had mine for about 9 years. It has been daily in some form or other but it improved significantly once I had got back to work and been back for 6 months. When my relapse was starting I saw it all fall away and then ended up worse than I had ever been, thanks to the meds (again!). Ever since I have been taking it slower (and getting stuck in many ruts) and when my blips come they still bring a lot of aggitation with them so I find myself just soldiering through those days.
You are certainly not the only one. I've read case studies of people who have gone decades with it everyday until they got the help they needed.
My OCD is certainly daily in some form or other but I have control over the compulsions, and have gotten rid of many plus intrusive thoughts, and it's more the obsessions I am still working on which do affect me on a daily basis.
You have mentioned your CBT in the past and to be honest, I thought the services were poor and for mild anxiety cases as they were just far too short compared to the normal 12-15 sessions needed. So, whilst they would have been helpful, in a more severe or chronic case, they just wouldn't have been enough in my opinion. So, please don't be too hard on yourself over that because I think the NHS has let you down there.
Thk you terry very much you have made me feel better knowing I'm not alone can I ask if you don't mind are now back on meds as I think you stoped taking them at one point or I mite have got u mixes up with some one else.
MyNameIsTerry
18-09-15, 11:53
Yes, I am on meds. I stopped and then relapsed after about 6 months but this was years before I joined here. I did get much better the first time when I was on Citalopram but I didn't have any therapy (minimum 12 months wait back then and I didn't plan on being off work that long!) so I never sorted my issues out, I just battled through it. I saw the cracks coming before I came off that med but my GP was pushing and I didn't understand anxiety, meds or any of this so went along with his advice.
The current med has been problematic for me and not anywhere near as successful as the first one but until I joined this place I didn't understand it and went along with my GP. Not I know better and I should have switched but now I'm in a difficult position because my sleep patterns make it hard to access my GP with him being part time. So, I decided to work on my sleep first and battle on with this med for now.
When I withdrew from Citalopram, it didn't knock me back. I had a couple of weeks of dizziness, head zaps, cotton wool heads, etc but I could handle it as it was nothing compared to when I started (but I was very anxious then). It was a couple of months before things started to go off and then it was up & down for a month or so before it really started.
Oh right sorry to here ur having prolems with your meds, as you know I've never took the meds root as I'm to afraid, think its because of the side effects espcialy the sucidal thoughts that u might get from them as that scares the life out me even tho I already get intrusive thoughts sometimes and also I read posts on hereabout poeples horror stories with side effects and also when they come off the meds because they feel better the anxiety comes back sometimes worse so that starts tomake me think wats the point in taking them if when u stop it just comes back ,
That's how my minds thinks anyway the dam thing lol
MyNameIsTerry
18-09-15, 12:56
That happened to me but I didn't address my diet, I hadn't resolved certain issues with travel & social gatherings, was working far too many hours in a pressure environment, etc. So, I could post a rebound story bit look at the huge holes, the question marks over what is the med and what is me and that I hadn't recovered enough, learnt to recognise triggers and make the needed changes to my behaviour, etc. My rebound story would very misleading without this info so if could be the same with those stories.
With meds you have to go into it with your eyes open, some side effects are likely. Very early on you can expect things like nausea because most of our serotonin is in our gut but you can take it a different way to reduce that. Increased anxiety is a possibility but on your bad days it increases anyway. My current med caused bad levels of anxiety, far worse than ever, but I didn't get that on Citalopram and my current med is a SNRI so if was the adrenaline side effects of the med at a certain dose but on the lower dose where it affects serotonin only it was OK.
Meds can be tapered on for someone really scared or sensitive to them. Most are tablets and you just cut them in half or do quarters. Kimberley (see her eating anxiety thread on the GAD board) cut hers very small and started working up when she felt ready and she was afraid to take meds, she just got her attitude to them right and started small. Many GP's might find patients like that awkward but who cares, they aren't the ones dealing with the possible side effects.
Suicidal thoughts are only a possibility. For me I wasn't feeling suicidal I was just low or desperate for things to end as I couldn't stand any moreanxiety but our love for our families pull us through.
tricia
You bring up an interesting thread. as there are some of us on here who have some sort of anxiety or agroaphobia for 30+ years to the extent that our quality of life and our family life is affected to the extent that we can't join in on outings or holidays or even restaurants.
Others are more fortunate that despite blips they can function reasonably well and go out to work, drive, walk down a street, go into a shop without having to think about it.
Some people can pop a pill and it helps them get on with their life,others get side effects worse than their actual illness.
Mental health issues are just not understood by so many people including doctors and psychiatrists.It's a real challenge every single day.
tricia
You bring up an interesting thread. as there are some of us on here who have some sort of anxiety or agroaphobia for 30+ years to the extent that our quality of life and our family life is affected to the extent that we can't join in on outings or holidays or even restaurants.
Others are more fortunate that despite blips they can function reasonably well and go out to work, drive, walk down a street, go into a shop without having to think about it.
Some people can pop a pill and it helps them get on with their life,others get side effects worse than their actual illness.
Mental health issues are just not understood by so many people including doctors and psychiatrists.It's a real challenge every single day.
So true... I was just thinking about this....
As you said Ricardo, reading here one can find situations that run the gamut from minor nuisance to totally debilitating. For some, the forum is a place to vent a frustration and for some it's their life, logged on day and night, no other real life social interaction etc. (especially those with severe social anxiety issues). For some, it's a catalyst for healing and for some it's just food for the dragon. Many times I see an individuals illness put a strangle hold on them and there is just nothing that can be said or done to help. For some, I see their illness manifest itself in how they interact with others in their threads and posts. Some have the inner fortitude to seek help and heal and unfortunately, some are just never will. It's as if their illness is actually who they are. It's not "Hi I'm Bob", it's "Hi I'm GAD or Phobic or OCD etc." Having spent time on the boards and researched anxiety disorder ad nauseum, I even recognize certain traits in others that indicate they have some issues or difficulties. Of course, I've experienced some challenges myself and I've seen it in my family.
Another aspect I'm seeing is the influx of very young people who are struggling greatly. It's very concerning to me, especially as a father to a young woman who suffers from depression and anxiety, and I believe today's world is part of the reason.
At any rate... good point and one that opens up some interesting discussion points.
Positive thoughts
Beckybecks
18-09-15, 14:02
Absolutely agree with you Fishmanpa. You have to really WANT to recover. Some people seem to want to wallow in it and never appear to make any progress with their recovery.
Having said that, I've had this condition for 22 years now. When allowed it has manifested into some awful phobias. I've had plenty of therapy and meds and while I won't knock either of these they weren't the solution for me, just another crutch.
Knowledge and understanding of this condition are what leads to control. Control for me is the answer.
As I write this I'm going through yet another flare up of anxiety that popped up a week ago. No rhyme or reason. But I have to accept its here and once again deal with it. I look on it a bit like recurring malaria. Although at least with malaria I would get some sympathy. LOL.
I posted today in the Success Stories about some of my coping strategies. Everyone should have their own. What works for one may not help another. Mine give me better results than meds. And no side effects :)
I think that the pressures of social media have made life very challenging for many young people today. I'm grateful that I didn't have this intrusion in my life when I was young- things could have been so much worse for me.
Mental health issues are so diverse and complex. Despite all the medication and new therapies out there I don't think much progress has been made in understanding chronic anxiety disorders which impinge hugely on the sufferer's life and prove resistant to treatment.
I think it very much helps not to see yourself as a "victim" of mental health issues though. I can't see anyone actually helping themselves with this attitude.
Thanks terry like you I don't feel suicidal I just get abit down battlling it everyday. I think I know what's keeping it going is because I spend to much time on my own I don't work haven't worked in a very long time as I was a stay at home mum as I had 8 children :blush: and my ex huband worked to support us so most of my time was spent looking after them and because I come from a large family myself evey body lived quiet near so my home was always busy with kids and family poping in . But now they have all grown up and gone their seperate ways and in 2003 my marrage ended and had to move to the other side of the city from ware most of my family live I don't see much of my family .i m not sure but I think that's when the anxiety started as I had a lot of stress and truama going on with onething or other,so maybe because I spend alot on my own and miss not having a busy home like I used too . Sorry for ranting on think I'm just looking for the answers as tothe reasons what has caused the anxiety
I'm just looking for the answers as tothe reasons what has caused the anxiety
Certainly your anxiety could be attributed to your life events. Most cases involve an event or stimulus (family illness, traumatic event etc.) The question follows... If you were told that indeed, those life events were the cause of your anxiety and you had the answers you were seeking, what would be your next step? What would you do to treat it? It also begs to be answered, does it really matter the cause at this point? Regardless of what actually caused your anxiety, the key is to treat it.
I know what caused my cancer. Even if I didn't, it wouldn't have stopped me from treating it.
Positive thoughts
Ricado and fishnan I agree with u totaly in what u say , I just want to say that I do so much want to better for myself and family even thosome people may think im not helping myself because I don't want to take meds i would rather try and get to the root course of to why i have the disorder and maybe resolve the issues if i can with the right help.I don't look for sympathy from anyone or for people to feel sorry for me as I know deep down itsonly me that can do it
---------- Post added at 15:14 ---------- Previous post was at 14:59 ----------
Fishman I know your saying is right about its not inportant as to what caused the anxiety in the first place I know that allready and I know that wat is inportant is getting better now wiith the right help and support but it is hard getting the help
What type of help have you tried to get, Tricia?
I've cbt 3 times over the yrs 6 sessions a time but only helped a lttle pulisa
i've had mine for years, too.
and my agoraphobia just seems to go on, and on, and on.
i know how horrible it all is x
---------- Post added at 18:26 ---------- Previous post was at 18:24 ----------
i hate the fact that i've been struggling so long, and still found nothing that works for me.
seems treatment resistant and that gets tiring.. just trying, and trying, and trying
I think frustration plays a big part in affecting our anxiety for the worst
It is emily and so tiering all the time especial when you try and do wat ur suposed to do but no matter what u do it never let's up , no matter what do l do like I go for walk every day I go to the shop I go a walk round my daughters house even when I'm cleaning my house each day or my family come and visit me the anxiety is there.I even do the relaxation each day to help bring the anxiety down but like u nothing seems to work . Think my brain has just got so used to bieng in the anxiouse mode
It is emily and so tiering all the time especial when you try and do wat ur suposed to do but no matter what u do it never let's up , no matter what do l do like I go for walk every day I go to the shop I go a walk round my daughters house even when I'm cleaning my house each day or my family come and visit me the anxiety is there.I even do the relaxation each day to help bring the anxiety down but like u nothing seems to work . Think my brain has just got so used to bieng in the anxiouse mode
and then it's made worse by the guilt and the feeling that you're doing nothing with your life. (or not living the life you want to live)
or at least it is for me
x
That's just how I feel emily .it don't help my anxiety when people say I need to take meds because im not helping myself by not taking them so then I start beating myself up thinking should I take them just please them so they will stop saying I'm not helping myself by not taking meds
Think my brain has just got so used to bieng in the anxiouse mode
This is an interesting aspect that I've see with anxiety disorder and the various manifestations thereof. I've spoken of this before as it seems like anxiety sufferers have an almost co-dependent relationship with their illness. Like a person in an abusive co-dependent relationship, it's similar. You know the behaviors are detrimental yet you continue to go back to them. Whether it's Googling, poking , prodding, thinking in the glass half empty mode, negativity in general, rituals in OCD etc., you do it knowing full well it's not helping and that in turn increases stress, feelings of frustration and guilt etc.
I feel it comes down to a conscious decision that "enough is enough". I know for me it did. When I was depressed and suffering from "scanxiety" after my illnesses, I got to the point that I was just fed up with it. I knew what it was and I wasn't going to allow it to dictate my life! It wasn't easy but I worked hard and got there. Between one on one therapy and the CBT course that was available here, I got things under control. I have a non-SSRI chill pill (Buspar) that I can take with no side effects ramping up or coming off when things get rough. I recognize when I'm starting to spiral as my "scanxiety" manifests itself as irritability. So when something silly starts getting under my skin, I know it's time to address it with some CBT techniques or meds for a week or so.
Tricia, you mentioned having a lot of free time on your hands. That certainly can be problematic as it allows you to dwell on negative feelings and thoughts. Do you have interests that you could pursue outside of the home? If you like reading, there are book clubs, if you enjoy the outdoors, there are walking and hiking clubs etc. If you enjoy children you could volunteer at a school and help out. It would provide a distraction as well as an opportunity to socialize and make friends.....Just a thought.
Positive thoughts
What an interesting thread ... anxiety has been in my life for a while. It definitely comes and goes in severity and right now I am doing well. Some anxiety is normal for everybody. Same with low moods. It's the extreme that is really hard.
I am surprised how short the CBT treatment was. 6 sessions does not sound like a lot at all to me. Did you find it enough?
MyNameIsTerry
19-09-15, 05:43
Thanks terry like you I don't feel suicidal I just get abit down battlling it everyday. I think I know what's keeping it going is because I spend to much time on my own I don't work haven't worked in a very long time as I was a stay at home mum as I had 8 children :blush: and my ex huband worked to support us so most of my time was spent looking after them and because I come from a large family myself evey body lived quiet near so my home was always busy with kids and family poping in . But now they have all grown up and gone their seperate ways and in 2003 my marrage ended and had to move to the other side of the city from ware most of my family live I don't see much of my family .i m not sure but I think that's when the anxiety started as I had a lot of stress and truama going on with onething or other,so maybe because I spend alot on my own and miss not having a busy home like I used too . Sorry for ranting on think I'm just looking for the answers as tothe reasons what has caused the anxiety
Looking for answers is part of resolving anxiety, it's just a question of how deep you need to go. For some, they have deeper personality/event related issues going way back that have altered their beliefs and these need addressing or they just fall in & out of unhealthy behaviours. But thats not for everyone. If you don't look for your triggers and find your unhealthy thinking styles and behaviours then you don't learn and you can end up relapsing...it's what I did.
So, in order to prevent myself just going straight down that path again I have had to look at the year before my anxiety started to see what I was doing. This revealed quite a lot to me. I backed away from all the fun stuff, worked more & more harder, took on lots of responsibility and was gaining a mindset that if I didn't do nobody would. This was partly true in my workplace so it should have become more a way to walk away from the messes and accept I worked for a shite company that didn't care about it's customers...but thats not how my beliefs work so I became one of the many who went off sick or just moved on.
If I don't learn from that, sure I can get better but I will just bury myself again later.
Part of understanding this is to look for what is missing, something which sounds important in your life with all your kids moving on. It must have been exhausting running around after them all and you got so used to being busy all the time. My gran had 14 kids! My dad is the youngest so I've got nieces the same age as me :D
Don't beat yourself up about not taking meds and people saying you are not helping yourself by not taking them. It's very easy for people who haven't been through this to give it the old "pull yourself together" routine but I guarantee you they will be going through the mill like everyone else if they ever suffer mental health problems. Meds are scary to many people, but there are ways to taper on very slowly if you do your research and there are meds with less likely side effect profiles too.
I keep reading that so many people have had one or two attempts at CBT therapy ranging from 4 to 14 or more sessions, yet not many seem to improve but please tell me if I am wrong.
I had 12 sessions two years ago and despite going over many things once the therapist left my place I seem to completely blank out everything she said or just couldn't take it in, yet I have a very good long term memory.
I had another assessment on Thursday with a different person.He stayed about 90 minutes and at the end said to me think about what I have said and then let me know on Monday if I want 4 yes 4 exposure sessions before going 50 minutes on a bus to a group session of mindfulness on my own,but there is no starting date for that,it could be 6 weeks or 3 months.
Again after he left I just went blank,nothing sunk in and his proposal is ridiculous.
Ricardo, I should imagine that your anger at this proposed suggestion made you "shut down" and dismiss the whole session as a waste of time? It's pretty galling when a therapist marches into your house and proposes to sort you out in 4 sessions when you have been battling for decades. I think CBT is of limited use with long-term entrenched thought processes and conditions. I'm sure it's a great tool for mild to moderate issues though. Or at least the NHS quick fix version of CBT which would be all that is needed for many people.
Tricia, I imagine that you really miss being a matriarch and being needed? You've been run off your feet for years and now you must feel very alone with your very distressing thoughts? I don't think there is an easy solution as you're feeling frightened and alone and need more support than you're getting. Can your family help in any way by getting in touch more and listening to you? Are they aware of your difficulties? Can you actually talk to anyone? (I don't mean to CBT therapists) There must be a big vacuum in your life which anxiety has filled? Is there anything you would like to do with your time which would bring you pleasure?
bernie1977
19-09-15, 10:51
As some of you know I've been on here a long time and I've seen a lot of people come and go maybe because they have got better which is great to here, but for me I still am strugling with the anxiety everyday with it now for 9yrs and I can't help thinking that I'm the only one who has had it for so long and only got slightly better over the yrs and always think why doesn't ever let upand if I'm doing everything wrong 'as some of you know I've done cbt a few times but only helped a little. Think wat I'm trying to ask is there other members on here that has had it a long time and feels anxiouse most of the day and how do they cope with it as everday I think I'm the only one that has had it for so long and doubt myself that its not gad Its got to be something else.sorry for posting again but think I just abit of reasurance that I'm not the only one.
You're definitely not the only one.
I've had it for 14 years in total. 5 years where I could do-exist with it, I worked and still had a life. The last 9 years have been total misery.
I think my problems started when I was put on the medication merry go round. I was initially treated for PTSD but when I moved areas a different psychiatrist started treating me for GAD. A lot of the years are a blur, I went from one medication to another experiencing awful side effects then the withdrawal when the medication made no difference to my anxiety. I started getting a lot gastrointestinal issues which I think were caused by SSRIs, this made my anxiety and panic worse.
Last year I'd finally had enough and stopped the anti depressants. I can think a lot more clearly and feel I'm in the right place to try psychological help. I've got a CPN and therapist who come out to see me. My progress is slow but after been housebound I now take my dog out every day. It took a long time for me to get so ill so I have to accept recovery make take longer than I'd like.
There's other therapy besides CBT. I'm having REBT and learning bits of mindfulness. It's like we need to untrain ourselves from years of bad behaviour. I had a 'normal' life before certain events happened to me so I just need to learn how to stop reacting to the feelings of panic like I do and to ignore the anticipatory anxiety which ruled my life for so many years.
It's hard work but we must keep fighting xx :hugs:
Apparently now the "act of gratitude" is the therapy of choice and mindfulness is old hat. According to today's Telegraph it's a "fad that can conjure up dangerous false memories"...Inevitable really that these things happen and I reckon the same thing will happen with SSRI/SNRIs.
Trouble is, this is no help to people suffering from decades of anxiety issues and really it's a question of being realistic and working towards an improvement in our daily quality of life. How do we do this when circumstances are challenging and we can't change our daily environment/stressors-certainly not by 4 sessions of CBT. I would be so insulted and enraged by such a gross underestimation of needs.
Bernie, I wish you success with your programme and I'm sure with your determination to get well that you are halfway there already xx
bernie1977
19-09-15, 12:04
Apparently now the "act of gratitude" is the therapy of choice and mindfulness is old hat. According to today's Telegraph it's a "fad that can conjure up dangerous false memories"...Inevitable really that these things happen and I reckon the same thing will happen with SSRI/SNRIs.
Trouble is, this is no help to people suffering from decades of anxiety issues and really it's a question of being realistic and working towards an improvement in our daily quality of life. How do we do this when circumstances are challenging and we can't change our daily environment/stressors-certainly not by 4 sessions of CBT. I would be so insulted and enraged by such a gross underestimation of needs.
Bernie, I wish you success with your programme and I'm sure with your determination to get well that you are halfway there already xx
I'll read that article in The Telegraph if it's online.
I agree re. the SSRI/SNRI I've said it for a long time that something will come out about them just like it did with benzo's.
Thank you for your good wishes, I didn't realise before how much the medication had effected me. It drained the life out of me so my determination to get better went with it.
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