claramy
21-09-15, 22:58
My partner has anxiety...
I feel like I'm trying so hard to keep his head above the water that im slowly drowning....
It's all so complicated. Our relationship is struggling because of inability to cope with decisions he makes in an effort to avoid having a panic attack surrounding his ex (they have a child)
Without giving a life story ... He is going through a divorce and has a 4 year old with his ex. They split because she could not deal with the way his anxiety effected there life and she wasn't willing to offer the support needed to help him...
So I've been with him a year and since I've come on the scene his ex has been difficult. She knows how to trigger his panic and she does it using there son
We make plans to go away for the nignt she agrees to have there son for that night, it comes around she says she can't have him and accuses him of putting his relationship over his child, he gets anxious and he has his son and so we cancel our plans. (She is primary carer and claims benefits as a single mother, my partner has his son 4 nights and 1 full day, she asks him to sort his shifts around hers and the days she wants off with her bf)The same thing happens when se wants to go out she plays "you don't have your son enough" he panics and he caves
This has also extended to (has stopped now but went on for 6 months) her turning up on his doorstep crying and asking to talk about her new partner and how he wasnt treating her like she wanted (she also tried to discuss her sex life) she will also call him and ask him to go round to hers when she's upset or lonely. For a long time he said he felt he had to as it avoided conflict and he wanted to avoid having a panic attack.
It's the case basically she says jump and he says how high to avoid conflict and therfore a panic attack ... except it's not avoiding conflict it's just the conflict is between him and I instead of him and his ex. Problem is I go out of my way to avoid triggering his anxiety and she does the opposite so she wins everytime and I can't cope with it.... I don't know what else to do its like running on circles all the time. How can I realistically have a relationship when his ex call the shots and does what she wants comes into his house, discusses her private life has him change and cancel plans to suit hers ans he let's get because if he doesn't then he's scared ahe will kick off ans he will have a panic attack... am I fighting a lost cause ? Advice ans help appreciated greatly...
I feel like I'm trying so hard to keep his head above the water that im slowly drowning....
It's all so complicated. Our relationship is struggling because of inability to cope with decisions he makes in an effort to avoid having a panic attack surrounding his ex (they have a child)
Without giving a life story ... He is going through a divorce and has a 4 year old with his ex. They split because she could not deal with the way his anxiety effected there life and she wasn't willing to offer the support needed to help him...
So I've been with him a year and since I've come on the scene his ex has been difficult. She knows how to trigger his panic and she does it using there son
We make plans to go away for the nignt she agrees to have there son for that night, it comes around she says she can't have him and accuses him of putting his relationship over his child, he gets anxious and he has his son and so we cancel our plans. (She is primary carer and claims benefits as a single mother, my partner has his son 4 nights and 1 full day, she asks him to sort his shifts around hers and the days she wants off with her bf)The same thing happens when se wants to go out she plays "you don't have your son enough" he panics and he caves
This has also extended to (has stopped now but went on for 6 months) her turning up on his doorstep crying and asking to talk about her new partner and how he wasnt treating her like she wanted (she also tried to discuss her sex life) she will also call him and ask him to go round to hers when she's upset or lonely. For a long time he said he felt he had to as it avoided conflict and he wanted to avoid having a panic attack.
It's the case basically she says jump and he says how high to avoid conflict and therfore a panic attack ... except it's not avoiding conflict it's just the conflict is between him and I instead of him and his ex. Problem is I go out of my way to avoid triggering his anxiety and she does the opposite so she wins everytime and I can't cope with it.... I don't know what else to do its like running on circles all the time. How can I realistically have a relationship when his ex call the shots and does what she wants comes into his house, discusses her private life has him change and cancel plans to suit hers ans he let's get because if he doesn't then he's scared ahe will kick off ans he will have a panic attack... am I fighting a lost cause ? Advice ans help appreciated greatly...