Not sure I made the right decision

[positivegirly]

hi guys, I have posted a few times in the last couple of weeks, I am back to my old job after leaving the new one after 2 weeks due to panic and anxiety caused by stress, I thought I would feel better once I got back into my old place of work with all my old friends and it would feel like I never left...it doesn't. I feel so strange being back there and I also feel like I don't belong there anymore. There are a few new people there now and and things have definitely changed in the 2 weeks I wasn't there, I feel like the new girl again and I'm having a hard time getting back into my role. I don't enjoy it like I used to and I find my mind wandering quite frequently. I am trying to remain positive but I just feel like I lost my place there when I left and I can't seem to get it back, I don't even know if I want it back, I feel embarrassed that I left and came back so soon and now I feel really small whenever someone so much as looks at me, it's like I can tell they are thinking what a looser I am, maybe it's just me being paranoid? But I don't know what to do, do I look again for another job and risk this happening again or stay put for a few months and see what else I can find?

[littlelostsoul]

Hey Positivegirly,

You are not a loser you did what you thought was best. I haven't got an answer for you about what to do I just wanted you to know your not a loser xx
Personally I think you are better off looking for another job while in your current job if your definitely sure you want a different job. Does your work have staff nights out etc? could you not arrange to go for a meal with some of them to break the ice a bit?
Stay strong and remember things always take time but your definitely not a loser

[positivegirly]

Hi thank you for your reply, I just don't know what to do, I'm not happy being back there but so scared to try going for a new job in case this happens again and then I can't go back to the old job again, I really thought I'd be happy to be back but it's gone the other way completely and I feel trapped and like Iv gone back to square one again. I am looking online for jobs but I think for the time being I will have to just carry on where I am until maybe after Christmas, then look at finding something in the new year and hope to god it goes well. My financial situation isn't great although I don't have a mortgage or children so I'm not in any emergency situation like that, I'm just so sad I can't help pay anything towards my wedding, I feel guilty I can't help :( xxx

[sial72]

Hi Positivegirly
When you asked for advice last time I was one of the ones who said that if you were unhappy in your new job, then go back to the old one.
But now, with this happening again, I think maybe you should have a little think before doing anything.
Are there maybe other issues? Are you maybe nervous about your wedding and that makes you feel uncomfortable at work?
I just say this because if you leave this job again then there will probably be no going back to it...so, if you do it just be aware that going to another new job might not satisfy you either x

[positivegirly]

Hi thanks for your reply, I know I made the right choice to leave that job as it was making me feel unwell as I was panicking and not eating or sleeping properly and since Iv been back at my old job my appetite is slowly returning and I'm sleeping a lot better. I just feel a huge amount of sadness and disappointment in myself that I couldn't stick with it, all my plans for moving out of my parents house and getting a little place with my fiancée have gone out the window now because the money isn't there, also the cost of the wedding is bothering me although we are cutting costs where we can. I think I'm struggling being back at my old place because I haven't been given a 'role' yet, I used to have one but that's now been given to someone else and now I don't think they have an actual place for me yet so I'm kind of in limbo until they decide what to do, my hours are all over the place due to this for the time being aswell. I do think myself very lucky to have been allowed to go back and although my hours have dropped again at least I'm working and have some money coming in, it's not a lot but it's something. I feel like I have taken a huge step backwards, I am going to do a lot of thinking about what comes next on the job front and in the mean time I'm going to have some CBT that will hopefully help me over come the fear this will all happen again the next time I go for a new job xxx

[littlelostsoul]

How are you feeling today positivegirly? xx

[positivegirly]

Hi thank you for asking how I'm feeling, so kind of you :) I'm still feeling crappy about going backwards to my old job, don't get me wrong I feel so grateful and very lucky to have a second chance there but I also feel very down and depressed by what's happened and where Iv ended up. I think it's the come down from being so proud of myself and so excited to have landed a new well paying job to now the horrible realisation that's all gone and I'm back to square one again. I hate thinking about it but its on my mind all day and all night long, it's constant and I'm getting on my own nerves because I know that jobs gone now and I'm trying hard to accept my situation for what it is, I'm trying to stay positive in the way of thinking at least I have a job but it's so hard when I know what I could have had if I had only stuck with it, maybe things would have gotten better as the weeks went by, but then how long would I have had to wait? Would it have gotten better? Could I have made the wrong decision? I guess il never know now but what I do know is that I was feeling awful coming home everyday and I hated the thought of going back there, I think the thing I'm most concerned about is the money side of things, it was a well paid job and now I'm back working part time and relying on overtime...what a mess :(

[littlelostsoul]

Yeah don't get stuck in the hat if cycle (easier said than done) just try and focus on where your at now and making the most of the situation. Have they given you a role yet or are you still stuck in limbo? Do you have a rough guide of what money you will get each month? start writing down important things that need to be paid.. rent, ct, gas elec etc and then work out what you have left to use for the rest of the month. Hang in there though xx