feeling very anxious and tired again [Archive]

gregcool

24-09-15, 16:57

Hi all.iv been working in my charity shop for a bit now and love the ladys i work with.they are all very friendly and chatty..i thought id start to have noticed my confedance rise a bit since working..but my days are filled with feeling depressed and very anxious..im finding it so dificult to talk to them as i keep feeling depersonalization and extrem tirednes.and the more i talk to yhem the worse it all becomes and i just want to leave and go home..its a trigger for me..i thought working would help me,but it dsnt seem to be..even when im home i feel the same and find it very uncomftable to deal with...im hating this every day again and running out of beleif that i am ever going to feel any better..iv been unwell for soooooo long now and am realy fed up with spending the day in my own head,checking out how im feeling and having conversations with my self all day and night..i long for that feeling where you wonder where the time has gone because you are focused and wraped up in things...instead i get a running comentary all day and DP which i find the hardest to deal with.iv had many days like this now and realy am feeling tired of it..

Annie0904

24-09-15, 19:36

I am guessing the charity shop isn't very busy so you have more time to sit and 'think'. Not easy getting used to being in a working environment after you have been out of it for such a long time. I am sure it will get easier but like everything it takes time. Try to focus on how far you have come, yes you are struggling to get through the day but you have the charity shop to go to and that is a step in the right direction.
Try to keep busy at home...look up some sort of craft activity that will keep your mind occupied. You don't have be good at it. I am going to get one of those therapy colouring books to keep my concentration on something other than my troubles.
Take a look at this website https://www.futurelearn.com/courses/categories free courses, I have done some of them. No exams involved and something to keep your mind active.

gregcool

25-09-15, 09:39

Thanks annie..well you are right ...its not a very busy shop.lots of quiet spots through the day..i just wish this crap of not being able to chat to people would go away..it makes the job very hard for me as everyone talks to each other.but as soon as one of the ladys start to talk to me,im saying to myself,,,,,for god sake leave me alone and struggle to chat..years ago i could have talked for england with loads of confedance,but i have zero nowdays...and then i get angry because i hate feeling like this as it sets off my anxiety big time...i get all hot in the neck and ears and face when it starts..then the dredded feeling of Dp and DR....i hope its busy today ..i realy miss the old me it just dsnt feel like ill ever get it back because iv been like this for so long.....

Annie0904

25-09-15, 19:53

Over the last couple of years you have lost your confidence through the circumstances you have been in. I have been in a similar position where I found it hard to be around other people and terrified I would make a fool of myself. Your confidence will come back again and although it may feel like you are putting yourself through torture at the moment you are doing the right thing by not giving in.

MyNameIsTerry

25-09-15, 22:59

Has this become harder recently, Greg? Was it more manageable until recent events? If so, it could be a blip.

I agree with Annie and she had known you much longer so has seen more of what you have been through. It takes time to rebuild confidence. I've been through the struggle talking to people. I would feel the anxiety rising and be looking around them for escape routes if I needed one. Classic fight or flight stuff. It's harder inside than out as there is more a sense of being trapped.

Just keep at it because this does get easier. Confidence is partly rebuilt through repetition but also in recognising that you are handling situations better.

MyNameIsTerry

26-09-15, 04:24

I am going to get one of those therapy colouring books to keep my concentration on something other than my troubles.

They seem all the rage at the moment. My local Tesco usually has at least 5 different types. Some of them are by Black Dog Media, so maybe they have a range to look through? Tesco also have 2 smaller books in their book sections at the moment.

Another consideration is Zentangle. I put a thread about the book I saw on the Therapy board that has some example images posted and lior posted a free online guide link. So, you could also draw your own rather than buy them and then colour them in.

gregcool

26-09-15, 12:48

Thanks Annie/Terry...i cant remember much about things now,its all a bit of a blur..im sure its got worse since the news about my daughter not having her over the weekends...but things in my job are hard as i have so much time on my hands sitting behind a till..i think i need to be busy more than i am at the moment..im trying to keep my chin up and will look into things to distract me..just running out of ideas and energy to believe in myself anymore.

ricardo

26-09-15, 12:58

Greg

Unless you work in a food related industry being in retail payed or unpaid can be very boring and the time drags. I did it myself in my teens. Is there nothing else you could do which is more demanding physically and mentally which would take your mind off yourself a bit more.

gregcool

26-09-15, 16:04

I think your right ricardo..its just not demanding enough where i get lost in my day..i have a lot of time on my hands through the day...the thing is ,its so nice and local takes me two min to walk to work,so rain or snow i can always get in..everything eles is way out of the area which would meen i have to find somewhere that pays the expences,iv looked into this and pritty much most dont.plus you have to have the money upfront and dont get it back till the end of the month.im in quite a isolated area really..i gues ill have to just give it time..yesterday was the day id norm have my daughter for the weekend so feeling sad today as i only got to see her round my parents for a few days..

MyNameIsTerry

27-09-15, 10:25

Is there any scope to change what you do at the charity shop? Perhaps to mix things up a bit? Is there any manual shifting around perhaps? Remodelling the shop? Could it be possible they could vary your duties if they understood it is a problem? Many of these shops have volunteers with mental health issues so perhaps they will be quite open to helping you help them.

gregcool

27-09-15, 12:03

Not sure terry...its quite a small shop and when im working,there is 4 of us in..three ladys and me..the three ladys work at the back doing the donations and i work on the till...and they never seem to busy at the back..there very quick at clearing it all..a lot of the time i see and hear them just chatting to each other and when im not doing anything,find it very hard to join in with them.so just stay seeted on the chair on the till...

Annie0904

27-09-15, 12:07

Take something with you to do Greg...maybe crosswords or something similar (my hubby likes Sudoku) for when it isn't busy. I would probably sit and sew or knit things for the shop but I guess you wouldn't want to do that :D

MyNameIsTerry

27-09-15, 12:16

Yeah, thats a good idea from Annie. If they are so quiet, they won't have a problem with you doing something like that. It's a bit more variation afterall. Besides, if you buy crossword books on the cheap, you could always do them in pencil and donate them afterwards or rub them out and start again.

My dad enjoys doing worksearches. He has a lot of time on his hands with being retired and he had to adjust to it from a very busy working life. He would work up to 7 days a week even into his sixties so he found it hard having all this time on his hands at first to be bothering my mum when she wants to watch her soaps :D So, for Xmas I always get him some wordsearch books. There are plenty of mags but there are also cheap books with 400+ in. I've found The Works sometimes have such large books on offer for a couple of pounds and they used to have a bargain bin of stuff they were tryin to get rid of at my local one.

Perhaps you could just move some of the shop around now & again? So, it looks a bit different, like there is new stuff in? Do some posters maybe? They sound overstaffed.

gregcool

27-09-15, 13:29

Thanks annie/terry...crossword book sounds good..not sure about the knitting lol....there are prob some books in the shop i could use..terry they are overstafed in there mate,and the prob i have,is the ladys that work out the back like working round the back and have been doing it for years and dont like the till work,so would be hard to get them to swap,there set in there ways.i know this because when i go home for lunch,they have a bit of a gripe about going on the till to cover me..one of the ladys refuses to go on the till and hasnt been trained..ill have to see what eles i can do in the shop....

MyNameIsTerry

28-09-15, 06:30

It's tricky then since the have to consider everyone's needs so if they can't do the till, they are faced with finding them something they can help with or letting them go. If they have mental health issues or other problems meaning they are unable to use the till, it makes sense but if they just don't like it, well thats up to the shop manager to address and decide whether certain people's help is truly needed.

I guess you just have to have a chat and see what the manager suggests? Beyond that it's making the best of it. Fill the time in with the books and puzzles or anything that is cheap that will take up some time.

I know what you mean about the lack of possibilities though. I was looking for some around my area for a while a few years back and it was just dead. I had to travel for everything.

gregcool

28-09-15, 09:04

Hi terry..the other ladys on my shifts are all in there 70s and have been working round the back for ever lol...plus the funny thing about our shop is that,we mainly get womens clothes handbags and shoes.not many mens things at all..and they know everything about them...sizes condition and brand names..so is more there skill.i could ask the manager if i could learn the routen out the back,which will meen one of the ladys working the till,might upstet them as they are allways joking around about not wanting to work the till..so ill have to stred carfully,dont want to upset anyone.

MyNameIsTerry

28-09-15, 11:17

Yeah, I guess so. The trouble is, they volunteer their time so they may not want to do so on the till and the manager might want to not upset things.

Maybe they would let you move the shop floor round a bit? The Douglas Macmillan near me often moves shelves around. Just like in shops really where you shift things so they are more likely to be seen.

gregcool

28-09-15, 14:43

Yea good idea mate..ill ask see ifvi can get more involved...im on the till today cos they needed me in today,very quiert again..

Greenman50

28-09-15, 22:23

Hi Greg

From experience you need to burn the adrenaline from your body by physical work .

Then the anxious feeling goes and you no longer feel tired ....trust me .

You need something more active for your mind and a physical job it works wonders .

What ever you do don,t pack the job in it will make you worse .

Seriously , get stuck in to hoovering , stock checks , re pricing , dusting , brush the pavement outside etc etc having worked in retail you can find things to do i never had a chance to sit down and it was not a busy shop !

---------- Post added at 22:23 ---------- Previous post was at 22:14 ----------

Hey !

Just a thought , are any of the 4 ladies a bit of alright or what mate :shades:

Any more jobs there mate ?

Your single yea ? ..... just a thought you gotta get back on the Horse sometime even if its just for a practice session they might be nattering in the back store room on who gets you first !

Maybe i,m just a pervert .

We can dream .

:noangel:

MyNameIsTerry

28-09-15, 23:31

Would the term "cougar" still apply in this situation? :winks:

gregcool

29-09-15, 09:10

Thanks greenman....ill do a bit more hoovering etc..and by the way,im the youngest hear at 50.everyone eles is 70 plus so no chance of romance.lol....i do get on very well with the girls,but only in a work way...so no luck there for anything eles.lol...

---------- Post added at 09:10 ---------- Previous post was at 09:09 ----------

Dont want to spund dumb terry,but dont know what you meen mate.lol