annnaa
26-09-15, 11:37
OOOOH! I can barely think of anything else right now... the family gathering is just 2 hours away. I've had bad and good gatherings, so I know I have to relax, clear my head, be confident,etc.
But I just can't help it. I think I prefer big family gatherings over small ones, like now. This time it's my "aunt" (she's my uncle's ex-wife so we're not actually related), my 11-year-old and 17-year-old cousin (I'm 14) who'll be coming over. I only see them a few times a year, and I really don't like any of them. I have social anxiety disorder by the way. My aunt has cancer. And I thought this couldn't get any worse, until my mother told me my 17-year-old cousin's boyfriend is coming over! :unsure:
My sister (we're not close) is 16 and she doesn't really look forward to this either, but she's so much better at talking and telling about herself so they will obviously notice how quiet and awkward I am. The problem is that when I feel uncomfortable, I get really fake. I don't even dare to ask things like "do you want to drink something?" And why oh why does that stupid boyfriend have to come?! I really don't need this right now. I've been suffering from social anxiety since I was 12 and I feel like I haven't grown up ever since. Now I'll just have to keep my 11-year-old cousin company.
I'm so scared and I know when I'm comfortable, I can be very nice and funny. I just feel like crying all the time and I've tried to convince my parents I already made plans, but of course I had to cancel them all.
The things I'm most dreading is that someone (probably my Mum) will ask me to tell something about myself and I'll get really awkward and go very red and then everyone will stare at me gleefully. And another thing is that I'm quite sure they're going to ask me to play some piano, but I haven't practiced in months but I know that when I'll refuse, I'll be put in the "loser" position.
Can anyone give me tips? I don't want to come off weird and awkward, I just want to be myself. I really hope this boyfriend has to do all the talking but I'm afraid that during the 5 hours they'll be here, I'm going to embarrass myself so badly that I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend crying.:weep:
But I just can't help it. I think I prefer big family gatherings over small ones, like now. This time it's my "aunt" (she's my uncle's ex-wife so we're not actually related), my 11-year-old and 17-year-old cousin (I'm 14) who'll be coming over. I only see them a few times a year, and I really don't like any of them. I have social anxiety disorder by the way. My aunt has cancer. And I thought this couldn't get any worse, until my mother told me my 17-year-old cousin's boyfriend is coming over! :unsure:
My sister (we're not close) is 16 and she doesn't really look forward to this either, but she's so much better at talking and telling about herself so they will obviously notice how quiet and awkward I am. The problem is that when I feel uncomfortable, I get really fake. I don't even dare to ask things like "do you want to drink something?" And why oh why does that stupid boyfriend have to come?! I really don't need this right now. I've been suffering from social anxiety since I was 12 and I feel like I haven't grown up ever since. Now I'll just have to keep my 11-year-old cousin company.
I'm so scared and I know when I'm comfortable, I can be very nice and funny. I just feel like crying all the time and I've tried to convince my parents I already made plans, but of course I had to cancel them all.
The things I'm most dreading is that someone (probably my Mum) will ask me to tell something about myself and I'll get really awkward and go very red and then everyone will stare at me gleefully. And another thing is that I'm quite sure they're going to ask me to play some piano, but I haven't practiced in months but I know that when I'll refuse, I'll be put in the "loser" position.
Can anyone give me tips? I don't want to come off weird and awkward, I just want to be myself. I really hope this boyfriend has to do all the talking but I'm afraid that during the 5 hours they'll be here, I'm going to embarrass myself so badly that I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend crying.:weep: