Mimzel
26-09-15, 22:43
Hi :)
I'm Mimi, 26 years old, and living in Amsterdam. I'm a little nervous about finally posting to the forum after lurking for a few weeks.
I'm a design student, being creative is essential when I want to do well in school and my side jobs. I've been coping with anxiety since my youth, like rust it slowly expanded into something I can hardly control now. I used to be carefree, well at least I never cared about what others thought of me.
As I grew older that changed; my insecurity and self-esteem is lower than I even thought possible. It led to heavy depression and when I'm outside I feel like all eyes are on me. My heart beats like mad, even when I'm with friends and I found that even during sketching, I shake and can't draw straight lines. I question everything, everyone and myself. I forget how to do the simplest things, even shifting gears in my car so I rarely drive anymore. I barely sleep and never feel rested.
At this point I don't go out, avoid crowds as well. I have an internship next year and even now, 6 months before it, I feel uncontrollably nervous. If I'm like this, I can't be creative, I can't be social. What I hate most is that all of my hobbies only seem like chores now.
I do realise that I'm chasing myself into an early grave like this. I'm hoping to find some ways to cope here and maybe help others with what I've learned. I've seen posts of people I can relate to and it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I'm happy about that :)
Cheers!
I'm Mimi, 26 years old, and living in Amsterdam. I'm a little nervous about finally posting to the forum after lurking for a few weeks.
I'm a design student, being creative is essential when I want to do well in school and my side jobs. I've been coping with anxiety since my youth, like rust it slowly expanded into something I can hardly control now. I used to be carefree, well at least I never cared about what others thought of me.
As I grew older that changed; my insecurity and self-esteem is lower than I even thought possible. It led to heavy depression and when I'm outside I feel like all eyes are on me. My heart beats like mad, even when I'm with friends and I found that even during sketching, I shake and can't draw straight lines. I question everything, everyone and myself. I forget how to do the simplest things, even shifting gears in my car so I rarely drive anymore. I barely sleep and never feel rested.
At this point I don't go out, avoid crowds as well. I have an internship next year and even now, 6 months before it, I feel uncontrollably nervous. If I'm like this, I can't be creative, I can't be social. What I hate most is that all of my hobbies only seem like chores now.
I do realise that I'm chasing myself into an early grave like this. I'm hoping to find some ways to cope here and maybe help others with what I've learned. I've seen posts of people I can relate to and it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I'm happy about that :)
Cheers!