Convinced I am dying! Really down right now...

[DYLCC15]

Hello,

I have posted on here many times about my eyesight and blurred vision with stress and anxiety. It is still occurring, and I am sincerely worried. Please help. On top of this blurry vision, even though I went to the eye doc three times and they said it was fine, I am increasingly depressed because I can no longer do anything without feeling anxiety. I had to quit university and I had to call off work at my new job because I really feel like I am going to drop dead.

In the past, I have self diagnosed myself with over 30 illnesses including a brain tumor, ms, als, stroke, cancer, atrial fibrilation, heart disease, heart attack, lyme disease. All my tests have come back clear, but I can't accept that this is anxiety. Can anyone else relate?

I know ignoring medical facts is bad and doesn't help, but now with the whole vision thing I can't help think that something is wrong. I am so scared and really could use support.

[sial72]

As Fishmanpa always says (and I love it as it makes so much sense), what could we possibly say to you that would reassure you more that all that reassurance from docs telling you that you are well.
Vision problems are very common with anxiety xx

[DYLCC15]

Thanks for replying! Are constant vision problems common with HA? I have literally had my eyes checked out three times with a full eye exam and rest assured I just can't accept that this is anxiety. Like what the hell.... Lol. I mean I really do think it's anxiety but its hard to believe, you know? Like when I got an actual pair of glasses that worked, two minutes later I swore they were going blurry again and I honestly think that's from my HA. Who knows though

Dylan

[damianjmcgrath]

You've been supportive to me, so I can support you back. I don't get vision problems (yet!) so I don't really understand - is it like double vision? Or is everything out of focus?

What's your thought process - do you think it's a brain problem or an eye problem? If it's an eye problem, what's the worst case scenario? I don't know anything about it but even if your eyes explode (obviously impossible) it can't cause death.

Is it worse at different times? Can you spot any patterns?

Fishmanpa has replied to me a few times, and he's brilliantly blunt, although as I don't fully listen, I'm pretty sure it must be a frustrating job replying to me. But I know what he'd say to you - what would it take to reassure you?

[DYLCC15]

It's like a cloudy sort of vision really. I honestly think it's an anything problem, lol. It's hard with anxiety because I honestly would rather put my problems to a fixable eye problem, because it is curable not manageable like I replied to you moments ago. It's just really weird. I am so worried about going blind, however, I have also worried about many other symptoms that have gone away in the past.

And anything you can say, particularly as much as you want, is a little bit more reassurance that I need.

Also it usually is pretty weird when I wake up, gets a little better, and then more weird at night. My eyes also get super dry I've noticed as well.

Dyl

[Fishmanpa]

Hey Dylan,

Just a suggestion. Why not log off and go for a walk or something? Being on here seems to be feeding your anxiety and it's quite apparent reassurance isn't working.

Hope you feel better soon!

Positive thoughts

[DYLCC15]

I feel so hopeless fishmanpa, like the vision bull crap isn't going. I thought it improved for a little bit but now I swear it's worse.......

[Fishmanpa]

It's because you're here dwelling on it. Every post makes you focus on it even more. What's a CBT technique you can use to help yourself? What would your therapist have you do? Perhaps you should be doing that?

Positive thoughts

[damianjmcgrath]

Fishmanpa is right. It's advice I should be taking myself. My therapist pretty much told me to avoid anything on the internet.

However, the reason we seek reassurance, at least four me, is when the symptoms are unusually intense, brand new or when I feel like the CBT techniques aren't working. The only thing left to make me calm down is reassuring words from other people and perhaps the chance to learn a new technique.

[DYLCC15]

I totally agree Damian. Like I am so set on figuring out what is wrong with my eyes, that I will literally fly cross country to do so.

I am almost 100% it's anxiety, but it's just weird because I have never had this symptom before. Who knows, I get random new symptoms all the time ughhhhhhhh whyyyyyyyy

Dyl

[damianjmcgrath]

When I get new symptoms, I try and put them under the anxiety umbrella but a part of me does worry that I shouldn't be ignoring them. One day, I'll ignore something I really shouldn't!

Going back to the CBT techniques - my therapist would tell me to just accept the symptoms. Let them be. Let them do whatever they want. I assume you quit university and work because you were afraid of something, not just because your vision was strange? My therapist would probably say let whatever you're afraid of just happen. If it's serious, like fainting, vomiting etc then people will help you. And if nothing happens, then great.

Have you tried that?

Personally, I struggle with that advice. I allow the symptoms up to a point but when it reaches that point, I always let them overwhelm me and I go and lie down or whatever. I need to learn how to live with the symptoms. Mindfulness is meant to help.

[DYLCC15]

I have tried so hard to be normal and accept my symptoms, but this one I can't seem to chalk up to being just anxiety and panic disorder. Like it just feels so real and doesn't seem to fit under my usual umbrella lol. Hopefully I can get this under control because right now, all I want to do is sleep......

Dyl

[Traceypo]

I have to agree with fishmanpa (as always), reassurance only works if you're willing to accept it and by your posts tonight, you're not ready to. By doing so, you're keeping that anxiety cycle alive in your mind. Take a break from this forum, have a bath, listen to music, do something for at least half an hour that shifts your focus.
I've been there, it's awful, but at present we can't give you the answers that you need, and even if we could, it's unlikely you'd believe them.
I'm short sighted, my sight is constantly blurred, I only wear my glasses for distance as with them on my sight feels so strange as everything is too close. My eyesight has deteriorated since last exam, and my new prescription felt really strange at first.
Wishing you well. X

[damianjmcgrath]

What happens if you ignore it? Does it affect your balance? If you said "right, it's been here for a few weeks, not sure what it is, but today, I'll just ignore it, pretend it's not there, not mention it, not acknowledge it, just do whatever I was planning on doing, etc", what happens?

Are you physically unable to do things?

With me, when I try that, some symptoms cause me physical pain and it literally stops me doing some things. Which is frustrating.

---------- Post added at 21:26 ---------- Previous post was at 21:24 ----------

By the way, I think people go through phases and seeking reassurance and accepting reassurance are two different phases. Posting on here and listening to people help you get from one stage to the other but obviously while that happens, it comes across as though we're not listening or helping ourselves. I definitely take everything in and my brain processes it later.

[DYLCC15]

Thanks TraceyPo!

I've had like every test done imaginable and even have been told by my doc that I am one of the healthiest patients he has at his facility, except for the anxiety part. Idk why I can't believe all three eye docs saying my eyes are healthy. They constantly feel out of focus, tired, and just downright weird. The blurriness is really setting me off. I finally got a prescription that worked a week ago. But two minutess after I put them on I swore they went blurry again and now I am convinced that my eye sight has deteriorated since last week. It probably hasn't, but I am still worrieed.

I'll take your advice, I really need to get offf here. I'd love a final reply though(:

Dyl

[Traceypo]

Goodnight, let us know tomorrow how you are, give your mind and body a rest, as you must be exhausted by now with your heightened anxiety.
Try not to worry, remember what you have been told by professionals who have spent years training in their field.
X

[DYLCC15]

I'm gonna cry. Please someone help. I feel like vision isn't improving. Like I'm really terrified I'll wake up blind or something. As stated I've been to three eye doctors and they've all said my eyes are okay. I do get headaches sometimes and it seems that after the headache my vision just goes to crap the rest of the day. I really need someone to talk to...... please I'm begging anyone. :doh: