managing the next few weeks

[Masked_crocheter]

Long time reader, first time poster. I don't even know where to start with this so I'll just start.

I am 30 and have had a lifetime of really terrible experiences with doctors. I have had general anxiety disorder for as long as I can remember and have been treated with disdain, mocked, dismissed and even forcibly examined against my will when I was a teenager. I have always disliked going to the doctor but it didn't become a health anxiety issue until about 5 years ago when I found a breast lump. I had an ultrasound and it was thankfully benign but the complete indifference I was treated with by the doctors combined with the stress and fear of waiting for results has triggered off health anxiety and I've been barely able to set foot in a doctor's office since.

I've instead being seeing naturopaths for my health concerns and they've generally been pretty fab and don't trigger my anxiety at all. I also refuse to use pharmaceutical drugs because i don't agree with the pharmaceutical companies nor feel that the clinical trials process is particularly transparent.

However for about the last year I've been steadily gaining weight and having other weird synonyms like very dry skin and more anxiety than usual and it has my naturopath stumped as it isn't responding to herbs and supplements like it usually does and I usually do quite well with those sort of things.

She's decided to send me to an intergrative gp where I will likely have to have a battery of tests. I feel it's likely some sort of hormonal imbalance. This is hugely triggering my anxiety. My appointment is on Tuesday and I fear that because it is another doctor he will he just as horrible as all the others I've seen throughout my life. I can't work out how I'm going to go with having the tests done, particularly the waiting do results part. I can't concentrate on my work or anything else, I get stuck in a "dr Google" loop and i can't sleep. I fear I won't be able to not be anxious until this whole process is over and I'm so fearful the results will show something really sinister that i don't even know how long that will be. I'm also worried he will be another doctor that is dismissive of health anxiety.

Completely separate to this, I've had a lump on my thigh for about 6-7 years. It's 6x4cm and rubbery. Almost feels like the muscle? Not quite sure. I read about mobile/fixed but I can never tell the difference in feel so I don't know. It hasn't changed in size that I can tell since I first noticed it, doesn't hurt. I don't really even notice it until I catch it in the mirror. But lately it's been freaking me out and I'm sure it's to do with having to go to the doctor. My mum thinks I should show him but I'm so fearful that he will want to send me for more tests like an MRI or biopsy that I don't know if I should. I fear I might actually have a nervous breakdown if I have to do that. I'm barely coping with the prospect of a blood test. Google says either a lipoma or lipomasarcoma. If it's been there that long it's likely nothing right?

Does anyone have any advice? I don't even know how to function at the moment. Colouring is helping a little (anyone jumped on the adult colouring bandwagon?) but I can't do that 24/7 :(

[Traceypo]

Hi hun and welcome. I've had issues of trial and error with docs, I'm lucky to be a patient at a practice that gives choice of gp. My experiences have been similar, after telling one gp my fears, he actually said 'you want to get those ideas out of you head', if only it was that simple
simple.
I've also had lovely doctors with an understanding of anxiety and that has been brilliant.
I've got a lump on my calf, been there for years and after a brief exam by gp, they decided immediately it was a fatty lump and nothing of concern, no further testing needed.
Good luck, if you can get through the appointment and face your fears, you may feel a huge sense of achievement.
Xxx

[Greenman50]

Hi

Ok .....6-7 years a lump ? its then fine , i have lipoma under my arm had it 20 years , i,m not googling ( will stress me out ) but its just fatty tissue from memory nothing to worry about mate .



The battery of tests are just routine and dont mean you are ill at all , a New doctor who is hopefully a decent one could be very helpful long term for you and put the past to rest , think positive :hugs:

[Masked_crocheter]

Thank you guys. Well, I had the appointment and it didn't go well at all. I explained to the doctor about my anxiety, particularly around waiting for test results, and he was patronising, borderline derisive. The results will be back in a day or two but my next appointment isn't for 3 weeks because he's so busy and so I asked if I could call in and get the results which will help relieve my anxiety immensely. He said no I couldn't and spoke to me like I was a small child about "not harrassing his staff." (sidebar: i am a biochemist, so interpreting the results and ranges will be no issue for me, which I also explained).

The majority of tests he asked for weren't covered by medicare so I am paying a significant amount out of pocket. There was a specific test that my naturopath and I wanted but he refused to sign it off, as he 'didn't believe in it'.

I had really hoped that this appointment would help alieviate some of my fears and concerns about doctors but in fact it has just made it worse and now I feel trapped between a rock and a hard place. I don't want to go see him again but I have to get my results. I am going insane with the waiting and now coupled with that, the anxiety around having to go back to him. And I am SO angry about his attitude.

On the plus side, the lump is just a fatty lump.