Masked_crocheter
27-09-15, 21:22
Long time reader, first time poster. I don't even know where to start with this so I'll just start.
I am 30 and have had a lifetime of really terrible experiences with doctors. I have had general anxiety disorder for as long as I can remember and have been treated with disdain, mocked, dismissed and even forcibly examined against my will when I was a teenager. I have always disliked going to the doctor but it didn't become a health anxiety issue until about 5 years ago when I found a breast lump. I had an ultrasound and it was thankfully benign but the complete indifference I was treated with by the doctors combined with the stress and fear of waiting for results has triggered off health anxiety and I've been barely able to set foot in a doctor's office since.
I've instead being seeing naturopaths for my health concerns and they've generally been pretty fab and don't trigger my anxiety at all. I also refuse to use pharmaceutical drugs because i don't agree with the pharmaceutical companies nor feel that the clinical trials process is particularly transparent.
However for about the last year I've been steadily gaining weight and having other weird synonyms like very dry skin and more anxiety than usual and it has my naturopath stumped as it isn't responding to herbs and supplements like it usually does and I usually do quite well with those sort of things.
She's decided to send me to an intergrative gp where I will likely have to have a battery of tests. I feel it's likely some sort of hormonal imbalance. This is hugely triggering my anxiety. My appointment is on Tuesday and I fear that because it is another doctor he will he just as horrible as all the others I've seen throughout my life. I can't work out how I'm going to go with having the tests done, particularly the waiting do results part. I can't concentrate on my work or anything else, I get stuck in a "dr Google" loop and i can't sleep. I fear I won't be able to not be anxious until this whole process is over and I'm so fearful the results will show something really sinister that i don't even know how long that will be. I'm also worried he will be another doctor that is dismissive of health anxiety.
Completely separate to this, I've had a lump on my thigh for about 6-7 years. It's 6x4cm and rubbery. Almost feels like the muscle? Not quite sure. I read about mobile/fixed but I can never tell the difference in feel so I don't know. It hasn't changed in size that I can tell since I first noticed it, doesn't hurt. I don't really even notice it until I catch it in the mirror. But lately it's been freaking me out and I'm sure it's to do with having to go to the doctor. My mum thinks I should show him but I'm so fearful that he will want to send me for more tests like an MRI or biopsy that I don't know if I should. I fear I might actually have a nervous breakdown if I have to do that. I'm barely coping with the prospect of a blood test. Google says either a lipoma or lipomasarcoma. If it's been there that long it's likely nothing right?
Does anyone have any advice? I don't even know how to function at the moment. Colouring is helping a little (anyone jumped on the adult colouring bandwagon?) but I can't do that 24/7 :(
I am 30 and have had a lifetime of really terrible experiences with doctors. I have had general anxiety disorder for as long as I can remember and have been treated with disdain, mocked, dismissed and even forcibly examined against my will when I was a teenager. I have always disliked going to the doctor but it didn't become a health anxiety issue until about 5 years ago when I found a breast lump. I had an ultrasound and it was thankfully benign but the complete indifference I was treated with by the doctors combined with the stress and fear of waiting for results has triggered off health anxiety and I've been barely able to set foot in a doctor's office since.
I've instead being seeing naturopaths for my health concerns and they've generally been pretty fab and don't trigger my anxiety at all. I also refuse to use pharmaceutical drugs because i don't agree with the pharmaceutical companies nor feel that the clinical trials process is particularly transparent.
However for about the last year I've been steadily gaining weight and having other weird synonyms like very dry skin and more anxiety than usual and it has my naturopath stumped as it isn't responding to herbs and supplements like it usually does and I usually do quite well with those sort of things.
She's decided to send me to an intergrative gp where I will likely have to have a battery of tests. I feel it's likely some sort of hormonal imbalance. This is hugely triggering my anxiety. My appointment is on Tuesday and I fear that because it is another doctor he will he just as horrible as all the others I've seen throughout my life. I can't work out how I'm going to go with having the tests done, particularly the waiting do results part. I can't concentrate on my work or anything else, I get stuck in a "dr Google" loop and i can't sleep. I fear I won't be able to not be anxious until this whole process is over and I'm so fearful the results will show something really sinister that i don't even know how long that will be. I'm also worried he will be another doctor that is dismissive of health anxiety.
Completely separate to this, I've had a lump on my thigh for about 6-7 years. It's 6x4cm and rubbery. Almost feels like the muscle? Not quite sure. I read about mobile/fixed but I can never tell the difference in feel so I don't know. It hasn't changed in size that I can tell since I first noticed it, doesn't hurt. I don't really even notice it until I catch it in the mirror. But lately it's been freaking me out and I'm sure it's to do with having to go to the doctor. My mum thinks I should show him but I'm so fearful that he will want to send me for more tests like an MRI or biopsy that I don't know if I should. I fear I might actually have a nervous breakdown if I have to do that. I'm barely coping with the prospect of a blood test. Google says either a lipoma or lipomasarcoma. If it's been there that long it's likely nothing right?
Does anyone have any advice? I don't even know how to function at the moment. Colouring is helping a little (anyone jumped on the adult colouring bandwagon?) but I can't do that 24/7 :(