mico
12-02-07, 15:26
So, the early hours of this morning I found myself beginning to wake up - screaming.
Well, I wasn't quite screaming, but the supressed moans that come out under the influence of sleep paralysis when what you really want to do, is scream.
I was having the strangest dream. I don't quite remember exactly what was happening and nor do I want to, but it had something to do with deciphering a word. This wasn't your usual scary dream where you get chased by big purple monsters, I was feeling an incredible need to figure out a word. That word had something to do with the mysteries of the universe. The key to life, perhaps. I don't know, but I needed to know it.
Since I couldn't figure it out, I started to get flustered. I felt like I was going into meltdown and this was my only saving grace.
I didn't figure it out. I woke up. My brain had been scrambled. At least that is what I thought. Replacing the usual logical tree of thoughts that occupy my mind and form a requirement for my daily functioning was noise. It's like I couldn't figure out the word in my dream because I couldn't figure anything out. At which point I was pretty sure I'd lost it. Intense fear urged me to call an ambulance/wake someone up/raid the cupboards on the off-chance I may find some valium. To cut a long story short, I was freaked out!
I didn't do any of the above. I came to the conclusion that I was having a panic attack. It's not the first time I've been woken gripped by fear and disorientation. I tried my best to pull myself together, breathe, then I read a chapter from a book to distract my mind from the original dilemna that woke me up.
I'm no stranger to panic attacks. But the fear was almost unbearable. Had it of been ever so slightly worse, or continued ever so slightly longer, I could have done somethng stupid just to escape it. At the time, I was 100% sure I'd lost my mind.
Has anyone else had any similar experiences? If so, are you surrounded by padded walls? Am I going to find myself walking through city centers in nothing but womens underwear quoting passages from the Old Testament?
Or, should I put my feet up, have a cup of tea and forget about it?
'Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding Danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.'
Well, I wasn't quite screaming, but the supressed moans that come out under the influence of sleep paralysis when what you really want to do, is scream.
I was having the strangest dream. I don't quite remember exactly what was happening and nor do I want to, but it had something to do with deciphering a word. This wasn't your usual scary dream where you get chased by big purple monsters, I was feeling an incredible need to figure out a word. That word had something to do with the mysteries of the universe. The key to life, perhaps. I don't know, but I needed to know it.
Since I couldn't figure it out, I started to get flustered. I felt like I was going into meltdown and this was my only saving grace.
I didn't figure it out. I woke up. My brain had been scrambled. At least that is what I thought. Replacing the usual logical tree of thoughts that occupy my mind and form a requirement for my daily functioning was noise. It's like I couldn't figure out the word in my dream because I couldn't figure anything out. At which point I was pretty sure I'd lost it. Intense fear urged me to call an ambulance/wake someone up/raid the cupboards on the off-chance I may find some valium. To cut a long story short, I was freaked out!
I didn't do any of the above. I came to the conclusion that I was having a panic attack. It's not the first time I've been woken gripped by fear and disorientation. I tried my best to pull myself together, breathe, then I read a chapter from a book to distract my mind from the original dilemna that woke me up.
I'm no stranger to panic attacks. But the fear was almost unbearable. Had it of been ever so slightly worse, or continued ever so slightly longer, I could have done somethng stupid just to escape it. At the time, I was 100% sure I'd lost my mind.
Has anyone else had any similar experiences? If so, are you surrounded by padded walls? Am I going to find myself walking through city centers in nothing but womens underwear quoting passages from the Old Testament?
Or, should I put my feet up, have a cup of tea and forget about it?
'Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding Danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.'