Jenna
12-02-07, 15:43
Hi,
Wow, it's so nice to read that I am not alone. I have been struggling with anxiety my whole life, more or less, but it goes though the roof sometimes and that is why I am here!! I am finishing my last semester of my first year of nursing and I feel like I am going to ruin my whole life if I let the anxiety win. I realise that anxiety can't be approached as somthing to 'fight', that just makes it worse. My anxiety has been increasing steadily for the past year, but I think I had one incident that set off the constriction of my throat muscles --which then caused a cascade of symptoms to follow that have now been plauging me for over 2 weeks.....it's such a brutal cycle.
I was out skate skiing in the back country and I lost my breath going up a really long hill and I was totally exhasted and I lost it, I started to panic when I couldn't what I thought was enough air!! I was out in the woods, my friend was way behind me and it was dark and i thought .."ok, Jenna, this is it....I'm going to die..out in the dark woods alone." After that night things have gone down hill, I'm missing lots of school from low grade anxiety attacks ..and the fear of having more...and scared of driving. I have been taking beta blockers which don't seem to be doing the trick... I am scared all the time. I want to take care of this problem naturally..but yoga won't stop me from having a panic attack tomorrow during my midterm.
Today I was in a physiology lab, sitting in my chair and I felt these waves of fear and my breathing was unsteady ..which then caused my hands to sweat...which then sets off a whole number of fearful sensations that I was able to control for a minute or so. This rising and falling of anxiety went on for an hour until I became so restless that I had to get up and leave. Then on the way home there was a red light and the panic started rising and rising like a bank of dark clouds...my mouth was dry... I'm grabbing for water..I feel this overwhelming desire to pull out of traffic and run the red light..I felt like I don't know what to do..I'm alone. The terror of having a panic attack alone it one of the most black and desperate feelings I have ever expereinced. I am once again experiencing the joy of the tightening of the throat muscles(globus hystericus)-which really keeps me in a constant state of low end panic. I am very, very sensitive to changes in my body--so when these muscle constrict in combination with my dizziness, i have this constant irrational fear that I'm not getting enough air (which is silly I know!). The irony of todays lab was that we were studying respiration! There I was, struggling to breath without over analyzing every gasp of air I was sucking into my constricted little thoat. My Prof started talking about hyperventilation and that was it! I had to leave. Now I am home and I feel the guilt and shame of not being "normal". Also, few truly understand what it is to struggle with "anxiety"....I am really good at hiding it, which makes it even worse because it feels like you're living a double life. The outside world becomes so different from the one you expereicne inside of yourself. I need balance on both sides...but it's so embarrassing. The other thing that I really don't like is the 'delocalization' feelings...where everyone in the room is laughing and you feel like you are somewhere else..not apart of the group..it's scary and isolating.
Anyway, that's me in a nut shell. Hope this is coherent. I am looking forward to talking with other people who can actually relate to what I go though.
All the best to you all, looking forward to chatting!!
Jenna
Wow, it's so nice to read that I am not alone. I have been struggling with anxiety my whole life, more or less, but it goes though the roof sometimes and that is why I am here!! I am finishing my last semester of my first year of nursing and I feel like I am going to ruin my whole life if I let the anxiety win. I realise that anxiety can't be approached as somthing to 'fight', that just makes it worse. My anxiety has been increasing steadily for the past year, but I think I had one incident that set off the constriction of my throat muscles --which then caused a cascade of symptoms to follow that have now been plauging me for over 2 weeks.....it's such a brutal cycle.
I was out skate skiing in the back country and I lost my breath going up a really long hill and I was totally exhasted and I lost it, I started to panic when I couldn't what I thought was enough air!! I was out in the woods, my friend was way behind me and it was dark and i thought .."ok, Jenna, this is it....I'm going to die..out in the dark woods alone." After that night things have gone down hill, I'm missing lots of school from low grade anxiety attacks ..and the fear of having more...and scared of driving. I have been taking beta blockers which don't seem to be doing the trick... I am scared all the time. I want to take care of this problem naturally..but yoga won't stop me from having a panic attack tomorrow during my midterm.
Today I was in a physiology lab, sitting in my chair and I felt these waves of fear and my breathing was unsteady ..which then caused my hands to sweat...which then sets off a whole number of fearful sensations that I was able to control for a minute or so. This rising and falling of anxiety went on for an hour until I became so restless that I had to get up and leave. Then on the way home there was a red light and the panic started rising and rising like a bank of dark clouds...my mouth was dry... I'm grabbing for water..I feel this overwhelming desire to pull out of traffic and run the red light..I felt like I don't know what to do..I'm alone. The terror of having a panic attack alone it one of the most black and desperate feelings I have ever expereinced. I am once again experiencing the joy of the tightening of the throat muscles(globus hystericus)-which really keeps me in a constant state of low end panic. I am very, very sensitive to changes in my body--so when these muscle constrict in combination with my dizziness, i have this constant irrational fear that I'm not getting enough air (which is silly I know!). The irony of todays lab was that we were studying respiration! There I was, struggling to breath without over analyzing every gasp of air I was sucking into my constricted little thoat. My Prof started talking about hyperventilation and that was it! I had to leave. Now I am home and I feel the guilt and shame of not being "normal". Also, few truly understand what it is to struggle with "anxiety"....I am really good at hiding it, which makes it even worse because it feels like you're living a double life. The outside world becomes so different from the one you expereicne inside of yourself. I need balance on both sides...but it's so embarrassing. The other thing that I really don't like is the 'delocalization' feelings...where everyone in the room is laughing and you feel like you are somewhere else..not apart of the group..it's scary and isolating.
Anyway, that's me in a nut shell. Hope this is coherent. I am looking forward to talking with other people who can actually relate to what I go though.
All the best to you all, looking forward to chatting!!
Jenna