Anxiety worst when alone.

[leahy1987]

My name is Ross I'm 28 and have had anxiety/panic attacks for 11 years now.
I am caught between a rock and a hard place as I'm terrified of dying of a heart attack even though I have had every test under the sun and they have all come back clear. Its at its worst when I feel isolated and alone. Today for instance I took a 15 minute walk from my house to my dads place and the whole way there I was thinking I'm going to have a heart attack same on the way back.

Here is the tricky thing it is worse when I am on my own and not in my house but I find being around other people like friends etc for long periods of time uncomfortable because I like my own space.

I enjoy walking but don't do it very often as once I get a caught half way between my starting point and my destination if I start to panic nobody is around to save me or pick me up or i cant turn round because I'm to busy hyperventilating, sweating, out of breath (or so it seems), tight chest and general thoughts that I'm going to collapse in the street of a heart attack.

If anybody has any ideas how I can overcome this so that I can live a more healthy active lifestyle and there for feel better and naturally fitter i would be grateful.

P.S I'm on 10mg of Citalopram which has helped me get back to work and get my life back in order and on track but the feeling isolated when out of the house by myself still persists.

[sparklypickle]

Hi Ross, I really feel for you - I understand where you are coming from. I had an eating disorder for years that left me with a chronic fear of exercise for the same reason, I thought that Id have a heart attack.

My advice is to gradually build up the length of exercise that you do. Start small, that way you can reassure yourself that it is ok, and you can push yourself a little further as you become more comfortable.

You have had all the tests, so you know that there is nothing physically wrong with your heart, so keep reminding yourself that the symptoms that you are feeling, although real, are coming from your brain and not your heart. In the worst case, I assume you take a phone with you when you are out so you can call someone to come and scrape your anxious butt off the floor if needs be! do some breathing exercises, deep breaths and relax your shoulders and jaw when you start to feel the fear coming on.

I can now cycle 5 miles to work and back each day with no problem, but if I cycle more than 10 miles in a go, or if my heartrate gets high I do tend to start fretting a bit, but I won't let it get in the way of my health any more.

[leahy1987]

Thanks for the advice ill keep you updated how I'm getting on. :)

[ana]

Hello Ross,

I understand how you feel. Sometimes, I feel like I can control my feelings of anxiety and panic only when I am on my own as when I'm with someone else, I can allow myself to have all these feelings and say to whoever I'm with 'I'm not feeling too well, perhaps I can just go home...' In other words, I can use the person's understanding of my issue as an excuse to remove myself from a situation that is causing me anxiety.
At other times, however, when I am on my own, I get too wrapped up into my anxious thoughts, and as there is nobody around to take my attention away from myself, I end up experiencing a panic attack.

I also love walking, and I wish I could do more of it, but I fear movement and going places so what I do is simply walk more often to the destinations that I feel comfortable reaching, and I also do a few loops. When I'm having a good day, I try and go further on out to see how I feel, and plus, if at any point I start panicking and get the urge to run, I like to think of running back home as a form of exercise, lol.

[shelzmike]

I can relate to your halfway mark point. Its the worse for me when I am driving especially. I always track how long it would take me to "get back" if I had to, but halfway mark is sort of that point of no return in so many words. You don't want to reach the destination bc I will be far away, but now the destination is closer than home or comfort zone. Its usually the worst for me and feels so paralyzing at times. I am worried about this a lot for an upcoming business trip that is about 3.5 hours away. Ugh...

[ana]

Shelzmike,

I completely understand what you mean when you say you keep thinking about how long it would take you to get back if you had to. I'm the same, and I worry about being too far away from home.

I know I'll have to do some travelling abroad in the upcoming years (my boss has hinted at it), and I need to be able to do it. I hope you do well on your business trip! Try to think about how good and proud of yourself you'll feel after it's all over. :)

[shelzmike]

Ana, if you feel like some "leisurely" reading, I have posted a novella about it here: http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=175230

:)

[ana]

Mike, I've just finished reading your novella, and I've found myself nodding my head in recognition of the fears, thoughts and symptoms of yours that I recognised in me.
Being stuck in traffic, for instance. What a nightmare! I've been struggling with driving for a good number of years now, and it seems to be more of a problem for me if I am the passenger as at least when I'm driving, I'm focusing on the mechanics of it and on my environment, whereas when I'm being driven, my anxiety increases as I'm not in control of the vehicle.

Being on my own sometimes helps me calm down, oddly enough, because when I'm having a panic attack, I feel like I can't focus on anyone else for all of my attention turns inwards. Also, if I'm in company, I can 'allow' myself to panic as I can say to whomever I'm with 'oh, I'm unwell, I think I might need to go now.' When I'm on my own and left to my own devices, I force myself into functioning as I should be.

Then there's the worrying about the event as it approaches... I know what it feel like to be lying in bed going over various disastrous scenarios... See, a good friend of mine is getting married in July next year, and I'll need to attend the reception which is going to be in another country !! :ohmy: How do I accomplish such an undertaking?!

In the meantime, I need to get a few other uncomfortable things out of the way first, like going to a clinic which is so not in my radius of movement... My rational mind knows I won't die or have anything tragic happen to me, but my subconscious mind is losing it(self) :(

[HaroldMorse]

I can relate it with me... Anxiety getting worse when I am alone...